no trivia [jori]

14

AN: This is a longer chapter!!
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Honestly, honest me,
With a look that's so deceiving,
I'll bite, chew, swallow, and
Digest the hands that feed me.
With a bayonet for a tongue,
Swallow swords inadvertently
And to the organ flame I'll maintain a close adjacency.

I have so many things
I would like to explain to you
Farewell to all the days you were
Within my reach

Andre came to visit every day, sometimes only for a few minutes, sometimes staying over 'til late at night, but he always came. Trina even called every so often, much more than she ever used to. At first, two days after we'd gone out, she called to check if I were still alive and rambled on and on about the guy she met at the bar and why she'd left me to deal with Ryder alone. I couldn't believe it when she actually apologised when I had chance to explain where I ended up, nor could I believe she actually sympathised with me when I told her about the coffee shop, although she remained adamant that I should forget anything to do with Jade West and just get on with my life.

If only it were that easy.

The holiday season meant the studio had shut for the time being. At the beginning of the month my parents had called to say they were vacationing away for the holidays, but promised to call on Christmas day if they got the chance, and I really didn't feel like spending all this time with just Trina, so I was alone. Andre was sticking with tradition and going to his Grandma's for the big day, mentally preparing himself for all the craziness that would ensue this year, but that didn't stop him from wanting me to get into the Christmas spirit. Every time he'd come over for more than 5 minutes he'd try to convince me to put decorations up in my bare looking apartment, scolding me for leaving it this long when every other year I'd had the place covered in all things Christmas before November had even ended.

But this year I couldn't bring myself to do anything. Once Andre had got me home from the coffee shop after Jade walked out, and plopped me down on my couch, that was pretty much where I remained. I returned to the zombie-like state I had been in weeks ago, but this time I steered clear of the alcohol, just the sight of it made me want to puke. Days blurred into one another and with the little time we'd had left at the studio, I didn't do any work that could've helped me with the album. The company were beginning to get frustrated with me, it was a relief to all of us when our last day came, we'd been getting no where and I was sure I was close to getting dropped.

With just days left until the 25th, my apartment was still as empty as ever and I had hardily moved from the couch.

Everything hurt and I didn't understand it. I knew I should've expected this, it was Jade after all, how could she not choose her long term and adoring boyfriend- husband, I reminded myself- over her pathetic little play thing that had served all its purpose? Yet, I couldn't help but think that every moment we spent together had meant something, every time she'd turn up on my doorstep unannounced, every night she stayed and I'd wake up to find her still there, every time she'd tell me something, no matter how small and insignificant, and she'd let me in just a little further. My heart had fooled itself into thinking the thing between us was a real relationship and I was a fool for going along with it.

10:30 pm on Christmas Eve found me curled up on said couch, my arms wrapped tightly around the cushion I held close to my body as I stared absently at Elf as it played on one of the channels for the billionth time in the past week. I murmured along to Jovie singing Baby, It's Cold Outside, remembering the time Andre and I did a duet of it for the school Christmas show one year, and slowly whipped away the lonely tear as it trickled down my cheek.