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Everything was dark.
Until it wasn't.
Salted seawater tickled the spaces between your toes as Kylo's calloused hands brushed through your hair. His fingertips skimmed your scalp every once in while, massaging away the sleepiness with pleasant tingles down your spine. The sun warmed your face; there wasn't a cloud in sight.
You leaned back into Kylo's lap, admiring the way the perfect lighting on this perfect day accentuated the perfect angles of his face. The corners of his mouth tugged up.
You smiled back, and your heart swelled with contentment, for there was no place you'd rather be.
You and Kylo both knew the truth. You were dead.
So, thus this shared quiet between you and him remained. Neither of you said a word... because, honestly, you didn't want to break the illusion. You just wanted to be happy. Just for once.
Down the beach, your daughters played in the sand. Elaine knelt on all fours, helping her younger sister collect shells to decorate her sandcastle. Tamisin, bucket in hand, waddled over to each of her sister's finds to assess them. She occasionally raised a shell to the sky in success, waving at you and Kylo to come look.
That contentment in your heart turned to painful longing as the sunshine disappeared and the water retreated from between your toes. Your two beautiful girls— both with their father's unruly black hair— vanished.
The Force seemed to be mocking you, showing you everything you could have had if you followed the right path, punishing you for choosing wrong.
Your hand clawed for Kylo's as a heartbreaking sob tore through your throat, echoing in the vast nothingness of death. The loneliness crept in like a chilled wind. "Don't let go," you pleaded to Kylo. "Don't let me go."
"I'll never leave you. I'm yours, now. It's just us," he promised. "The war is over."
You stood and spun around in his grasp as the scene changed to a cottage home. Kylo allowed you to bury your face deep in his musky scent, and he tucked you into his chest with his arm. You drilled your eyes shut, trying to block out the painful images.
But you heard the flames crackle in the fireplace. You smelled baking biscuits carried by the yeasty aroma wafting out of the kitchen. And you felt the small, delicate hand tug on your shirt.
It felt so real. You let out another scream, trying to make it go away.
"Why are you crying, Mommy?" Elaine asked. Her words rang like silver bells, further cracking your heart like a chisel to ice.
"Kylo, I can't—" your voice broke on the words. "I can't pretend like... like this is real."
"It is real," Kylo whispered softly, kneeling beside you as you fell to your knees. "This is our reality to shape as we want to. We can be happy. Let me show you what happiness feels like."
You lifted your gaze to meet his. "We died, Kylo. We died, and when we did, our daughters lost their chance at life. How will they ever know what happiness feels like?" You finally let yourself take in all the breathtaking beautiful things about your daughter. Your eyes flickered back and forth, memorizing each feature with morbid detail. She had Kylo's hair and full lips, but the rest of her was you. Your eyes and your nose. Your spirit.
Tears began to stream furiously down your cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't fight hard enough to live, Elaine. I'm sorry that I died before I could bring you into the world, no matter how messed up it was. Because you missed out on so much, and it's my fault." You reached out to lay your hand on her porcelain skin, unsure as to why you were apologizing to an illusion. But it felt right. "You'll never be swaddled by your Auntie Rey. Or play peekaboo with Uncle Finn. I'm sorry you'll never get to dance with your dad. But mostly, I'm sorry because I never got to meet you."
Your daughter mirrored your stare, but smiled. "I forgive you, Mommy," Elaine said.
Kylo laced his fingers into yours and radiated his calming aura. The icy blanket he laid over your shaking energy soothed your nerves.
The cottage home disappeared.
You were at peace.
So that happened. I definitely cried while writing it. I originally wanted to write a domestic life imagine and then it got dark somehow. Midnight vibes I guess.
