Come Back to Me

Chapter 6

When my mom wakes me up I'm sad to see that we are staying in a hotel. She runs around to my side of the car and pulls out the wheelchair before helping me into it. I didn't really want to sit in a wheelchair but they told me to stay off my leg completely for a bit. Hopefully they'd be giving me crutches soon. "So why didn't we just drive home? I mean San Diego isn't that far..." I ask my mom as she wheels me into the hotel.
I can't see her face but I hear her small sigh "I don't live in California anymore."
"What?"
"Well we always talked about moving to Texas for your fathers work and it just seemed like a perfect time after you changed schools.
"I see." I reply quietly. We make it up to our hotel room and I slowly plant myself on the couch.
"I'm gonna go get our bags." My mom says and smiles at me. I smile back but don't reply.
I hate people telling me about my life it sucks. But what sucks even more is even if they tell me I have no recollection of it. After a few minutes my mom comes in again but this time she is joined by a bellboy carrying our bags and Paul. Paul sits down with me but on the complete opposite side of the couch as my mom tips the bellboy.
"So..." Paul says.
"So?"
"Your mom didn't want to tell you right away but I thought it might help..."
"What is it?"
"Well although we didn't live together yet we did buy a condo house type thingy and uh.." He chuckles softly as if remembering a fond memory,probably one I was a part if but once again don't remember. "You absolutely loved it. So I thought that maybe if you saw it... Again. Um... It might. Well I thought it might help with your memory."
I bite my lip and try to smile at him. "Yea... Yes. I would love to see it." I say more for him than myself. He smiles "but maybe not today." His smile drops for a second but he pulls a smaller one back on.
"Yea... Yea I get it. A different day then." He hesitates "so I was wondering if maybe you wanted to start over and go out to dinner with me tonight?"
I sigh. "Paul. I just I don't think today's a good day. Could we try ya know maybe taking this a little slower? I'm not ready to go out yet."
"Yea! Yea... I completely understand." We turn away from each other and stare at the blank tv. "So... I better get going. I'll see you later."
"Oh.. Oh yea bye!" He leans over to give me a hug and I hesitantly tap his back as he does.
"So yea... Bye." He says and quickly walks out.
"So that was awkward." My mom says as she walks into the room. I had forgotten she was even here.
"Mom that doesn't even begin to explain how I feel..."
"Sweetie... I don't want to say that I know that this is hard. Because I don't know. But what I do know is that this isn't only hard for you and you need to give that young man a chance. He loves you so much. That must be hard to hear but it's the truth. Don't push him out because you're scared... These past years he's been in your life a lot more than I have and I honestly think he's your best chance at getting your memory back."
How is it that my mom knows exactly how I'm feeling all the time? "Mom I know he's hurting and I also know it's all my fault but I can't help it. You're right I'm scared. I can see the way he looks at me and it terrifies me. How could I have forgotten a man who loves me so much? I'm not ready to fall in love.... Again I guess."
"I honestly don't know what to tell you. But first of all it's not all your fault," she falters, " I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't help you more."
"That's alright mom. I know you're trying." She leans in and kisses my forehead.
"So can you tell me a little bit... Ya know about me."I continue.
My mom smiles "of course. Well you were staying in the dorms until after your wedding then you were going to move in with Paul. That's why we're in a hotel. You sort of don't have a home. You had just graduated from college but was staying there for another week before you had to leave. You're best friend is a girl named Eleanor. You probably don't remember her either. She was your roommate during school for about two years."
"What about Trisha?"
"She moved schools and you guys don't really talk anymore. I don't know the whole story but apparently you guys got in a fight."
I'm not friends with Trisha anymore? My best friend is Eleanor? Really? Another person I have to try to remember who apparently I'm also really close with. My mom tries to continue but I stop her "I don't think I can take anymore."
"Okay" she hesitates "there's just one last thing...." I look at her with worry. She starts to tear up "your father passed away three and half years ago...." My eyes start to tear up in shock right away but she's not done. "And I remarried about six months ago. Which means I can't stay here very long. I have to go back to my husband."
I'm full on crying now and my mom is close to it. "You remarried?" She nods her head. For some reason I'm angry. Very angry more angry then anything has made me feel since I woke up from my coma. "When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow morning. You can either come with me or stay here with Paul and Andrew. Paul knew you wouldn't want to live with him alone so Andrew said he would move into the condo as well until you got your memory back."
I'm angry at my mom why would I want to go with her Texas? I know I'm making a rash decision but I cant help it "I don't want to go with you." I know I say it too harshly but once again I can't help it. And honestly a part of me doesn't even care. How does she expect me to feel? I just found out my dad is dead and after only two years she remarried. Who does she think she is? I bet I don't even like the guy. I actually can't stand to see my mom anymore so when she goes into the bedroom I pull out my phone and call Paul.
"Ashley? Are you okay?"
I feel myself start crying again. "No." I manage to get out.
He sounds worried "what's wrong?"
"My mom just told me... About my dad."
I hear him sigh. "I'm sorry Ashley."
"Can you come pick me up? Id like to see the condo now."
"Are you sure?"
"My mom told me about living with you and Andrew and I agreed. I think it'd be best to get my memory back."
"Ashley. Are you sure? Don't make a rash decision just because you're angry at your mom." How does he know me so well? Oh right he's my fiancé. "I will only go pick you up if you promise you really think this is the best decision."
I calm myself and actually think about it. All I can really think abut is not wanting to be with my mom right now but a part of me knows that staying with Paul will really help my memory. "I want to live with you."
"Okay..." He says and I can hear the smile in his voice "I'll be there soon."
I'm sitting on the couch lost in thought when there is a knock on the door my mom answers it "Paul? What are you doing here?" She sounds very confused.
"Did Ashley not tell you? Don't answer that... Of course she didn't." I see him look at me from the corner of his eye giving me a disapproving look. I look away with a blush, once again I'm struck by how well he knows me. "Ashley has decided to live with Andrew and me."
This time my mom glances at me her eyes look sad. "she has has she? Well then let's get her things."
"I brought up a cart."
"Perfect." I stay quiet through the exchange. My mom doesn't even look at me when she goes to the bedroom to grab my bags. Paul and my mom pack everything into the cart and we all walk down to the lobby together. My mom finally looks at me but only after we put my things in Pauls car. "I'm so sorry sweetie." She looks like she's ready to burst into tears but I still can't forgive her.
"Yea..." I hestitate. "I love you." And I do despite it all, i still love her and want her to know that.
She smiles and pulls me into a hug I don't respond to it though "I love you too. I'll see you soon." Paul helps me into the car and we drive away with my mom watching from behind.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Paul asks me after a few quiet moments.
"No."
"Really?" He sounds genuinely surprised. I give him a questioning look. "I'm sorry it's just. You were always very open with me... But now that I think about it you weren't in the beginning." He sounds sad again. I think that's why I like being with Andrew more than Paul. Andrew treats me normal and acts it too Paul is always so sad and always reminds me of a past I don't remember. Not that he's a bad guy I just don't know what to do when I'm with him. Everything I do reminds him of another memory that once again makes him sad or angry. He thinks he's hiding it but I can see every emotion.