The fact that I'm updating at quarter to 2 in the morning should be some indication that I don't exactly function like a normal person. I seem to be prone to night-hawk behaviour, sleeping into the afternoon, and overdoing it in Etsy's geekery section. But whatever. I call these things "endearing personality quirks", and you will learn to love me for them. SO. The other day I was losing my mind instead of doing real work, and I came up with a rather appropriate list of dreams I have that are ACTUALLY impossible. Even I have to admit it. But that has in no way stopped me from dreaming them anyway. Vivid imagination: another of my "endearing personality quirks"
1. Turtles with jetpacks.
IMAGINE THEM FLYING AROUND THE CITY. Newfound mobility to achieve their turtle dreams? Amazing. Inspiring. ZOMG NINJA TURTLES WITH JETPACKS, FIGHTING CRIME, SAVING THE DAY.
2. Ride a dragon. Or a condor.
I'm little enough to make this happen too. Imagine the possibilities? SO MANY. If anyone knows where I can get a condor, hook me up, okay?
3. Get late acceptance to Hogwarts.
Rock robes daily. I am EXCELLENT at swooping around, given the rapid pace at which I walk. Sometimes, I like to look at my hair in my shadow to watch how excellently it seems to flow out behind me. Yes, I am aware of how vain and delusional this makes me appear. Try it sometime, and THEN try to judge.
4. Vegetables that are good for you but taste like cookies.
It seems that my efforts to preserve the rare albino baby tree (scientific name: cauliflower) aren't being taken seriously. Instead, I propose that science develop a better, more delicious vegetable.
5. Being able to be in a photo and NOT look like a dolt.
I'm like a squirrel, so camera frighten me and cause me to weird distort-y type things with my face. This causes me much suffering, especially in the world of Facebook. One day, I aspire to be in a photo that blows people's minds with how much like a normal, functioning human being I appear.
6. Having a pet bat. Write him a theme song.
"Na na na na na na na na BAT SOUNDS"
7. Somehow run into Ryan Gosling. Woo him with my aforementioned "endearing personality quirks."
If Crazy, Stupid Love has taught me anything, its that quirky girls win over the ridiculously charming hot guy in the end. And movies are nothing if not accurate representations of real life, right? RIGHT?!
Also, I've been to the intersection where the Gos heroically broke up that fight. I know where he hangs out. Its only a matter of time.
8. Obtain old school pilot helmet, goggles, and scarf. Pilot hot air balloon and show up randomly (and very bad assly) in various places.
Imagine how impressed people would be when I show up to things like school, and Wendy's and karate lessons in a hot air balloon? YEAH. Mad impressed. Especially with that pilot scarf flowing majestically in the wind. And not catching fire.
9. Three words: Chocolate. Milk. Fountain.
10. Engage in a spontaneous mass dance party at work, in the street, wherever.
Magically, a perfect song is playing out loud and a dance number epically breaks out. Admit it, you all want this to happen.
YOU ARE READING
The Duchess Lists
HumorI confess, I'm a mid-twenties pseudo-adult with a short attention span and a penchant for self-deprecation. The following stories are real and no names have been changed to protect anyone because really this is just me struggling with adulthood whil...
