I am, if you must know, of a somewhat diminutive stature. I'm over 5 feet, to be sure...but I am plagued by an overall smallness. I am not complaining, because that isn't really what I do here. Aside from the tragically premature end to my potential WNBA career (...), being small isn't really a bad thing. There are some things about that I feel the need to express here, so as to build empathy and community with all of the other small peeps out there...we tend to travel in groups, you know.
1. Excellent (and unexpected) at hide and seek.
Being small has one very obvious (although time sensitive, I guess...) positive. The number of places available to you as a Hide and Seek participant are virtually endless. And, as a I said, sometimes unexpected. Once, I hid underneath a stool and because of my smallness, I fit entirely under this thing and the fabric flaps around it covered me. Took them like...an hour to find me. Or at least that's how it felt to my 8 year old self.
2. Able to commune with other small things (ie. babies, ducks, mice, puppies)
Its like twin-telepathy, but for the pint-sized! Science.
3. Kiddie Menus & Cheap Seats
When I go to Casey's and I can't find anything on their revolving door of a menu to eat (not only am I the size of a toddler, I eat like one too), I like to try to order from the kid's menu. We all know that the basics are the best. If I want a grilled cheese, I see no reason why I should not have one. As for cheap seats, I've never actually forgone the makeup and put my hair in pigtails to see if I can get away with it...but why not?
4. Beanbag chairs make perfect nests.
Bonus points for surrounding yourself with egg shaped things, like Kinder Surprises and mini eggs. Nesting is one of my favourite pastimes, if we're being perfectly honest here. Which we are.
5. You can probably ride ostriches, and sheep, and alpacas and stuff that bigger people cannot.
I have not yet attempted this, but having witnessed a child riding a sheep at a cousin's birthday party long ago in a galaxy far far away, I know this can be done. Think about it! An alpaca is nothing if not a fuzzier, Katelynn-sized horse.
6. Easily Carried.
Now, this could potentially go awry and see you used either as some sort of bean bag for a game of catch, or as a weapon to be thrown...but generally, this is a good thing. This works for those nights when your shoes inevitably murder your feet and try to escape scott-free, or when you fall asleep in a weird place. Like the floor. Just scoop and go!
7. Nate Robinson can dunk. So can you.
Nate Robinson, who is 5'9" (and thereby one of us, by NBA standards), dunked a basketball over Dwight Howard a couple years ago. Dwight is 6'11" (which is almost 2 feet taller than me). IF NATE CAN DO IT SO CAN I. May require the use of a trampoline, or a human stepladder, or some magical climbing vines...but I'm of the belief that almost nothing is impossible.
8. Putting on normal people sized clothes is comedic.
For some reason, its particularly hilarious for normal sized people to put you in their normal sized clothes and laugh at how long the sleeves are or whatever. "HAHAHA look, you're like half a person!" I pretend like its cute that I can do this...but really it just looks like everything I'm wearing is a Snuggie.
9. Its super fun to find giant pencils, beer bottles, sunglasses, whatever and pretend that you're legitimately microscopic.
Madeline (remember the little French ginger kid with the yellow hat?) said something alone the lines of being as big as you feel...and generally I don't feel like I'm that small. But I am nothing if not a fan of hyperbole and exaggeration, so sometimes its fun to pretend you're even smaaaaaller. Or maybe its just me and I'll do almost anything for laugh. Which might actually be true.
10. Hugging a penguin could also involve a moment where you're standing next to each other and you have your arm around the penguin, and it has its flipper around your shoulders and you're all buddy-buddy and its funny because you're like the same size.
...anyone?
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The Duchess Lists
HumorI confess, I'm a mid-twenties pseudo-adult with a short attention span and a penchant for self-deprecation. The following stories are real and no names have been changed to protect anyone because really this is just me struggling with adulthood whil...
