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The Duchess Lists

Reads 1,214
Votes 1
Parts 28
Time 1h 33m

Reads 1,214
Votes 1
Parts 28
Time 1h 33m

fiction listography memoir satire semiautobiographical

I confess, I'm a mid-twenties pseudo-adult with a short attention span and a penchant for self-deprecation.
The following stories are real and no names have been changed to protect anyone because really this is just me struggling with adulthood while trying to reign in an overactive imagination.
I'm trying to be funny, just go with it, okay?All Rights Reserved

fiction listography memoir satire semiautobiographical

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You don't know me by You_Dont_Know_Me9374

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ Not for the faint of heart, I explore dark parts of my mind and unfurl them for your own enjoyment. All of these stories are true. You don't know me, and you're never going to. This is basically just a shitty diary of my life with very few details as to who I am, Don't want to scare you off. Feel free to read but I don't really care. I'm just a screwed up guy that everyone knows and nobody cares about really. If you can't tell I'll probably swear quite a bit in this so if you don't like that I'm sorry, but this really isn't a good read anyway it's just me complaining about the fact I still exist. Actually no, whilst I did start this to complain about my life, the stories are fluctuating, as I discover I am infact worthy of love, even I don't believe it at all times. I hope you enjoy my rantings. ⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

Life Lost and Found by akwillows

Madeline found the note in her locker. Neatly folded, it held a pair of razor blades and a set of instructions. "Just die, ugly girl. No one will miss you." She doesn't know who gave it to her. Or any of the others before it. But she knows one thing: they're right. No one will miss her. Her mother is dead, her dad is more a theory than a parental figure, and her friends are the stick figures she draws in her notebooks. So, when someone she barely knows invites her to the school graduation party, there's no reason for her to go. A girl like her at a party like that? Eating a bowl of live spiders would be a better idea. And yet, she accepts. She goes. She doesn't know what she expects to find there. She doesn't even know why she said yes. Out of desperation? Because she thinks she'll somehow make friends? Prove, somehow, that the razor note is wrong? Whatever her reasons, what she finds is a surprise. And not the one she wants. She's given one more note. And what's written inside this one will make her face the truth she's been hiding from for seven years. And the truth about Madeline Parker will either fix her, and finally make her worthy of being loved, or it will prove that the note with the razors is right. Or both. -- Complete and professionally edited. Also on sale (www.lifelostandfound.com) where 150% of all sales go to charity, including the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Dedicated to all of us who need a reason to keep going. Especially now. I hope it makes you laugh. And I hope it helps you realize you're not alone. (Warning -- Do not read this book if you: look amazing all or most of the time, never worry about what people think of you, have more friends than Estonia has people, or are allergic to the word "shenanigans". Especially that last one, because it's used once or twice and you may experience a reaction. Also, you should probably see a doctor about that. Secondary warning: the word "shenanigans" is used in this warning.)

Serenus - Sarcastic Newcomer Edition by FactAndLore

So, here we are, all of us, lost in this mystical realm with zero memory of where we came from. It's like we all took the world's worst vacation, and now nobody can find their way back home. And guess what we have to guide us? A poem. Because why bother with maps or instructions when you can have cryptic, poetic nonsense? It's almost like Serenus wants us to play a twisted game of "figure it out before you die." Now, the world itself is a total trip. It's a magical land where anything is possible, except, apparently, for things making sense. But don't let the pretty flowers and magical buffets fool you-something's not quite right in this enchanted Eden. You've got all these resources lying around just begging to be used for peace, justice, and all those other warm, fuzzy ideals. It's like someone set up the perfect civilization starter kit, but forgot to mention that some of these folks are dead set on turning this dreamland into their own personal dystopia. And with their magical abilities, they're like toddlers wielding chainsaws-adorably dangerous, but mostly just dangerous. Meanwhile, me and my merry band of misfit friends are stuck trying to save this world from self-destruction. Because apparently, we're the only ones who read the brochure about this place being a "civilized society based on values." And while we're at it, I'm also on a little side quest to answer the age-old question: Who am I? It's not like I have bigger things to worry about, like, I don't know, preventing magical Armageddon or anything. With a charming mix of wit, sarcasm, and a healthy dose of "what-the-heck-is-going-on," the story of Serenus follows our nameless protagonist as they unravel the mysteries of this strange land, all while trying to avoid becoming dino-chow or the latest victim of a magical mishap. It's a tale of self-discovery, magical frisking, and just trying to survive another day in this oh-so-serene-and completely crazy-world.

Finding My Lost Self [to be edited] by Dark_Starlet

She's sarcastic. She was the girl who never cared what people said. She was far from a romantic; She was Oreo obsessed. She used to beat up people in middle school, and still throws her shoes at them in high school. She was weird, a good weird. She was sensitive, but piss her off and you'll be scared. It was just her and the small, easy life she had. That was until everything had gone down the toilet. That was until her senior year had started.. ~♦~ Monsters are just everywhere, Only a few people are trustworthy. Would you be my savior if I'm lost there? 'Cause with all the greed, there's left no mercy. At some point I'll be so hopeless, At some point I'll get that feeling, That feeling when trying's Worthless, Doors are closed, I'm barely breathing. I need the light, I need a guide, I'll do things with all my might, Smiling is hard, life's not so "cute", You scream and yet, the screams are mute, When lies, evil and mistakes take all the love away... When asked how you feel it's always "I'm Okay," All the hope you had, got lost in the darkness, You're heartbroken, you feel so hopeless... Crying in the silence is the best you can. Everything has changed in a blurry time span... Would I be able to find true Love? Would I be able to ever again Trust? Be My Savior, Please Don't Be late... Give me true love... I hope you understand. My name is Samantha Walters, and that's how my story went... But who knows how it would end? - #11 in Humor Copyright © Dark_Starlet. All Rights reserved.

Killer Queen|✔️ (Book 1) by TaylorBryant787

⚠️ This is a true story, unfortunately. 🖤1st in a series ✅Completed I labeled this as teen "fiction" because my target age group usually thinks of self-help books or text books when they hear "non-fiction" and don't realize a memoir reads like any other fiction story. ☣️SYNOPSES: I'm finally over the embarrassment and ready to tell someone what happened. I wrote this to help anyone who might make the same mistakes i did; to stop them before it's too late. I thought I could cure my severe depression and anxiety on my own, during my senior year of high school. Instead, I : ✔️Developed a psychotic obsession with a sophomore ✔️Used a 12 yr. old child for a weekly therapist. ✔️Got accidentally addicted to drugs ✔️Became a stalker extraordinaire. ✔️Got myself into 2 fake relationship at once. ✔️Tricked the most popular guy in school, Kiwi (I'll explain the name) into doing my dirty work, pulling a Romeo and Juliet and ruining his life. You're invited to come laugh with me, cry with me, fall apart with me; it's no fun doing this by myself.

"Diary" of an Autistic by Not_Tireless_158

Hi. I'm Jas, and in case you didn't know, I am autistic. I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm writing this book just so I can jot some of my thoughts down, and so you can see what it's really like to be autistic, well, for me at least. My best friend made a good comparison just the other day, no two fingerprints are the same, just like no two autistics are the same. I hope you'll enjoy this "diary" and no, I will not put too much about my personal life in here unless you deserve to know about something big happening to me. The other juicy deets are for a real diary. However, there will be sneak peeks to some of the stories I am writing within the confines of this so-called diary. I will also be offering random bits of advice from time to time, and you will get to meet some of my developing characters/ocs that will be featured in my future works. Warning 1: My characters and ocs are still in development, so they might come off as Mary-Sueish, and I don't want my characters to be annoying Mary Sues, so feel free to give feedback and/or constructive critisism on them: it would be a big help if you did because your advice would speed up their development and bring you the stories I am writing much faster than it would working on this on my own. Warning 2: This will have a mature rating because I am a huge potty mouth and I have depression so there'll probably be a lot of swearing and angst. Update: I have level 2 autism, as people do not use the term Asperger's Syndrome anymore, but the term Asperger's Syndrome is what I grew up hearing, so that's what I'm going to use.

The Midnight Rantings Of Someone Lost by arwyn1203

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Neara and Shay looked to the future (read 'pastries') to forget their past, but are interrupted by being transported to a world of beastmen struggling to keep their population up when 4-5 men are born for every woman. Because of the high competition, men look like models and the women like dump trucks. When the two modern girls show up, their comparative 'beauty' and basic manners cause chaos and mayhem. Forget having a harem, they want home. Home has cinnamon rolls and flushing toilets. But could they be the key to finding out what caused such an imbalance to the genders? A not-so-traditional satire of self-insertion into the world of the manhua "Beauty and the Beasts" by two old English graduate friends who need a good laugh and writing practice. DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THE MANHUA/FANDOM TO ENJOY THE STORY! It's even better if you don't. DISCLAIMER: This story is unique in that it is not something I wrote for myself or to write any sort of genius plot. I wasn't trying to write 'a good story.' I wasn't even writing to entertain you lot. The whole purpose of this book was to get my friend back into writing so she could have a way to escape the hell which was her abusive marriage and having a baby with A LOT of medical needs. That's why we follow the original plot of the manga in the beginning--because having an 'outline' of sorts of what to write helped eased her back in. Once she got comfortable with writing again the plot shoots off into several directions. It's a story not to be literary amazing or even entertaining to anyone reading. It's just me trying to help my friend who was suffering.

Atlantis Academy: The First Element by AutumnKalquist

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Slide 1 of 10

You don't know me cover

Life Lost and Found cover

Serenus - Sarcastic Newcomer Edition cover

Finding My Lost Self [to be edited] cover

Killer Queen|✔️ (Book 1) cover

"Diary" of an Autistic cover

The Midnight Rantings Of Someone Lost cover

The Skibidi Invasion cover

Beauties and Beasts cover

Atlantis Academy: The First Element cover

You don't know me

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ Not for the faint of heart, I explore dark parts of my mind and unfurl them for your own enjoyment. All of these stories are true. You don't know me, and you're never going to. This is basically just a shitty diary of my life with very few details as to who I am, Don't want to scare you off. Feel free to read but I don't really care. I'm just a screwed up guy that everyone knows and nobody cares about really. If you can't tell I'll probably swear quite a bit in this so if you don't like that I'm sorry, but this really isn't a good read anyway it's just me complaining about the fact I still exist. Actually no, whilst I did start this to complain about my life, the stories are fluctuating, as I discover I am infact worthy of love, even I don't believe it at all times. I hope you enjoy my rantings. ⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️