Another Chance

Now?

A/n: I hope my words have not bored you. All I can say it that you matter and I would love your assistance till the end.

With love,
Sofim

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Doing something is a necessity,but I am stuck . What should I do now? The question itself seems weird. "What are you thinking of?" I turn to find Arial staring at me with the weirdest grin on. "Nothing," I said trying to return the grin."Really?" she seems determined. "Promise."

   "Do you still miss him?" What! Not this again. I am sick of this question but these people keep digging the grave. She looks awkward. "Who?" I act. "Do not give me that. You will loose against mine,"I warn her and return the gesture. I try to lighten the atmosphere but she is persistent.  "Nate."
     
This particular name strikes millions of thoughts in my mind yet it feels distant and foreign. I turn and start walking without her. I have not the slightest intension of speaking about him. "Wait for me," Arial says but I don't stop. I calm myself down,anger keeps knocking the door.

    She knows that I do. It is hard to forget someone you have known so long. Why does she have to keep asking me that? It irritates me to great   depths. Is she trying to confirm something?

   A little history, I have known her since I joined here but we were not  close like today. She was closest to Clare from our group and last year she happened to join the hostel. We got close here and they grew apart.

    I had accidentally went to the washroom when she was crying and I talked to her. Yes, talked not consoled. Maybe she mistook it and thought I was there to console her. This small action of mine earned me a friend,who is never planning to leave me. I never console people. I don't know how to.

     I stayed by her side and spilled my secrets. I should not have told much but she looked lonely. I,myself had, accidentally made her like someone close to me.

    I stop by the door of our homeroom and turn. She stands behind me bitting her lips." No,I do not miss him anymore." I said and walk inside.
   Irritation engulfs me in its vast embrace. She is doing the exact same thing which I do not like.

   "Hi." I nod in reply. I do not want to talk to anyone. Almost a month has passed and I still haven't spoken to my desk partner properly. His fandom is increasing every day. I believe even the males envy him.

    The break goes with girls cramping their faces against the window trying to get a glimpse of his. "Wow,they sure are degrading themselves," I said and end up releasing a suppressed laughter. Their faces are comical. "You do smile,"my  partner said. I raise an eyebrow. I had not seen his face properly till now. It's good.

    " I do and why do you ask?"I asked. "Just," he said and shrugged. He is giving me a goofy smile but it does  appear sweet or rather warm.
I do not return the smile ,we are not friends yet. I heard he is a good footballer and basketball player,really? I decide to read instead of wondering and I  have learnt that,if you smile too much, its essence will be lost forever.

The way I acted towards Arial eats me throughout the last class and as soon as the bell rang, I rushed out to her and said, "Arial. Do not mind me. I just want to forget him," I said . School is over now and when I say these words, she gives that look. Her tenderness could melt a rock and here is a mere human heart.

    "It's alright. I know how you feel,"she replied and goes away. She needs some space  right now so I don't follow her. I know that ok meant I  have been forgiven but what I wanted to say still lingers in my mind. It is her who should forget him and move on. When will she realize that?

    Arial and I liked the same guy. He was my friend but more for her. I don't blame her though. She would not have been normal to have avoided such a person as himself. Or was it my words that convinced her?

    I used words that covered all the dark shades of his, maybe I was too colourful. I told her a lot and didn't realize ,in the journey of my narration I had sown a seed of liking in her which grew beautifully with time. Thus, I cannot resent her nor can I like her with all my heart but She has loved me enough to crush my resentment.

   It has become a habit of mine to walk alone after school. I like doing it and now my friends do not wait for me after school. Today I went to the library to borrow a book. My mind wanders back in the past. I used to be happy, now what?

    "Hey, Sofim." I stop and turn around to find my partner jogging behind me."Wow umm..." I don't know his name. "It's Jake," he said . "Hi. What are you doing here?" I asked as everyone is supposed to be home by now. "Walking with my partner," he said as if it is the most casual thing to be said. " Your friends left you," I said and he winces. I caught him. "When will you return my notes?" I asked . " I need few more days," he said. I nod. He is giving that goofy smile again. Any girl would have fallen for that smile, even myself if only I had met him earlier.

   " What do you play?" I asked. "Football and basketball," he said. I nod as though acknowledging it. "You?" "Nothing." He does not say anything and I am fine with it . Too many questions lead to answers which will reveal you in just a few minutes.

   " Bye. Jake. I stay in the hostel," I said and walk in. He nods and sets for home. Earlier I always envied the day scholars, they got to go home everyday but not anymore. Maybe, I had wanted to go home walking with him. The idea itself was enough to eliviate me but now that I think about it, it the stupidest thing I could have ever wished for. It was not worth it.

   "Sofim what are you going to do?" Samantha asked as soon as I entered our dorm. " I don't know. Maybe read and sleep for sometime," I said and she let me be. I hope they understand.
  In this huge heap of concrete,with bared windows, the only melody here is my friends' laughter. They fill the emptiness that lingers in here and make it appear livable. My friends have always had my back, even now when I am a mess. I have spent so much time with them,that they know about me more than anyone else. 

   What if they too leave me in the end? What will I do? "Come here. It's pizza time," Kiera said and forces me to sit beside her even though I have refused. Pizza is actually illegal here but what are rules if they cannot be broken."I am fine," I said but a slice is already in my hands.
   "This is massive," I add when I see the actual size of the pizza in the middle surrounded by watery mouths." Be quick. The smell is too tempting," Nareep said and I take a bite. " So any updates on Jake?" Lana starts and I stand up to leave but it's just acting.
I sit down and say," No. Why? Do you like him?" She nods. "Wow..." Everyone let's out a sigh and continue to eat. She and her crushes are never ending.

"He is Korean right?" Lana asked and when I nod and then add,"half." she looks relieved. Koreans have always had a great influence upon the youngsters in Sikkim so when one actually came to study in our school every girl went crazy. It seems like that.
   Someone farts and then the laughter begins then it is followed by a burp which further intense the laughter.
Not even a crumb is left in the end and it felt nice. Am I even sane enough to think they would leave me? Not everyone is the same. My reverie is  shattered to pieces when someone snorts feulling the almost gone laughter.
"You are the first girl friend that I ever had. It's true. Why would I lie to you?" He had stressed the word girl and it instantly drew a limit for me.

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    A/n: Please do go on. It's worth it? Not so confident but it is an honour if you did.