Another Chance

Done

I am no Samaritan,
And lack rectitude.
I do reminisce,
I do crumble
For I am not relentless.
I do render,I do,
I just need time.

As I am a lackadaisical,
A lacunae, probably.
No,not a lackluster,
Just slower.
_life?

I am not so petty to let go of this life just because of an incident. Never. Don't judge me for 'my' actions for I have thought a hundred times before executing them. I am not stupid.

Even I was someone who smiled, who
laughed,and fooled around. It just began to change and this change led me here.

I tried to remain firm but these legs got weak after sometime and reality hit me hard. There were factors. Those which made me stumble and eventually crawl.

I thought I had finally made a best friend but I was wrong. Best friends never hid things and it was never a one way thing.

I thought I had managed to crush on someone,a normal thing for humans but I got stuck.

I thought people around me were genuinely caring but then it was only because it made them look nice. I began feeling I had a huge sign stuck on my forehead which read,"Help Centre!" I liked helping around,I did but then my pretence lost it's zeal.

I tried sharing but never received an eager ear. I did not know my narration was coated with desperation for attention. People made me realize but I still fail to understand what did I do,to learn it this way.

After a moment of sharing,and laughing, I thought they were interested in my company but this naive idiot, was always fooled.

Gradually,my anger increased and so did my loneliness but then I grew find of this solitude. It gave me the space I always wanted. It was going well until my stupid confession.

I thought it was my problem but people made it ours. I thought not reacting would end this but it just kept growing until it finally reached the brim. I knew I had rubbed my self esteem so hard that now it was difficult to gather it back in one piece.

They were just factors but it was up to me whether I should react to it or leave it. I chose the later but my legs felt trapped and I began to let go slowly. The thoughts these factors had brought, grew within me and I hate to admit that it was me who allowed it.

I knew I was the one nursing it and it did outgrow me after sometime. I lost purpose, curiosity, interest everything in this world or my life.

I had allowed myself to become like the empty shell found on beaches.  I felt hollow and it did not stop there. This hollowness,now grew.

I saw no reason to live but I knew that taking my own life was also not the option. Organ donations. This fit perfectly for me. I just had to give my life but save a couple. They would treat my organs better.

So here I am,Infront of the main office in th hospital. I would have me schedule ready today. I needed to live before I change my mind.

Before walking inside,I take a deep breath. "This is a good act. If I do this, I could use it as a bribe against God to allow me to turn into stone in my next life." I walk in but then I stop in my tracks when I see the most unexpected person to be seated here.