Hunt Me Down {boyxboy} ✓

Chapter 20

Nathaniel’s POV

It’s been a while since I’ve been so conflicted. One part of me wants to get to know Hunter, all of him – good and bad, and the other is already scared. Just a couple of rumors; that’s all it took to get me wrapped up in my own dark thoughts. It is pointless to try to get him out of my head; the more attempts I make to achieve that, the stronger a hold he has on me. I’d once compared him to a cocktail, but he is more like a drug; something forbidden and addictive; something which frightens you, yet you want more of even though you know you might not enjoy the consequences from your doze of Hunter Harris.

I raised the pen away from my diary and reread what I’d just written. I didn’t know where my thoughts were taking me; I just needed to try to get them out of my mind.

I want to ask him about all of it – the reason why he was in jail and why he can’t go back home – but I’m scared of his reaction and of his answers. What if it turns out to be true? What if he had been in a gang? I didn’t even want to consider that option and the things he would have to have done to get in and stay in. I fear – no, dread– what his rivals might do to get back at him if their factions really are at war. And then there’s the apprehension that if I do ask him, he’d shut me out; that he wouldn’t share his innermost secrets with me. And why would he? I am just the neighbor boy he likes to tease, so why would he share anything with me?

There’d been a time when

I hesitated with my pen less than an inch above the paper. This was my diary and no one would read from it but what I was about to write sounded so silly to me now that I was ashamed to scribble it down. Yet I needed to do it so I sighed and went on.

There’d been a time when I’d thought he really was interested in me, but no more. Perhaps that is for the better.

I shook my head.

No, no ‘perhaps’. It is for the better as we are both boys and I could never be in such a relationship even if Hunter was into relationships. So why does it make me feel sad thinking that he’d never flirt with me again? I’m so used to his banter that I will miss it now that I am with Irene.

She’s a good choice. Val likes her, mom adores her, dad thinks she’s nice and I

I frowned. What did I like about Irene?

The first word that came to mind was ‘safe’; not only I wouldn’t be judged while I was with her – a girl, not only would I not disappoint my parents but even though I really liked her, I…

Val likes her, mom adores her, dad thinks she’s nice and I care about her but I don’t think I could fall in love with her. And that is a good thing because I wouldn’t be heartbroken once we move away again. I don’t think she would either; she knows how often we have to find a new home and she would understand.

I smiled, the next words much easier to pen down.

That’s one of the things I enjoy the most about her: she’s so understanding. She’s also compassionate and caring. And I will miss her when we move; I’ll just get over her faster than if

I slammed my forehead over the notebook I used for a diary and groaned. I was about to write ‘I’ll just get over her faster than if I were to date Hunter Harris’.

What was wrong with me?

Why did I always go back to thinking about him in the end?

If I saw Betty in her yard, I wanted to inquire after Hunter; if Val was going out, I asked her if Hunter was tagging along; if I took notice of Mohawk girl or her brother at school and Hunter wasn’t with them, I wondered where he could be; if I thought about Irene and me, I also mused on how Hunter would react if I held her hand or carried her backpack for her.