Forever and a Day

CHAPTER 11

                “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight. Have you been working out?” My doctor looked at me eerily. I bit my lip and looked at the midnight blue carpet of her clinic that I am now fond of.

 Since Jake disappearance, I’ve been inadvertent with myself. In the two months of Jake being away, I’ve already been hospitalized three times and I’m sick almost every day. I barely eat and barely sleep. There are large dark circles under my eyes from all of the late night stakeouts I do. I secretly sneak out of my window or the back door during 12 or 1 AM to look for Jake in the streets or in places I think he might be. I sometimes walk and I sometimes take Toby’s car, and then fill it up with gas, so he won’t notice. I go home at around 4 or 4:30AM then sleep for an hour then go to school, still thinking about Jake and where he is. Whenever I see something that reminds me of him, my stomach quivers in pain and suddenly, I have no intention of eating anymore. So I almost never eat. I print out pictures of him everyday and go to different places after school to post them and every night I go home to no avail of finding even a bit of information about where Jake is, I cry my eyes out and wait for midnight to arrive, so I could go look for him some more. Mom doesn’t allow me to go out after 6PM anymore, if it involved Jake. My life was now slowly becoming a dull, meaningless life. This was all my fault.

“Why? Is it that bad?” Mom asked Dr. Hayes, with concern in her voice, interrupting my train of thought.

 “It depends. She dropped from a 58 to only 46 kilos.” Dr. Hayes looked at me then mom, who was now eyeing me indifferently.

“What?” My mom exclaimed making the inattentive me jump.

 “What have you been doing?” The doctor asked me. I didn’t know the right words to say since I can’t tell her that I’ve been depressed as fuck ever since my boyfriend disappeared.

“I don’t know… just the usual,” What was I supposed to say? I still suck at making up excuses.

“Well, if that’s the case, I need you to take these…” The doctor scribbled a bunch of medicine brands and other vitamins I’m familiar of.

My mom was driving silently, constantly looking at me then the road. “I know what you’re going through… but honey, you don’t need… him.” My mom was extra careful of not mentioning his name. Maybe she does understand. I just looked away, fighting the tears.

“Zoe… I know you want to find him, but you should let the police do the searching. I’m sure they’ll find him soon.” I still didn’t respond. When is soon? I’ve been waiting for two months and they still haven’t found anything. How am I supposed to rely on the police?

The house was silent… since it was only one in the afternoon and dad was at work and Toby’s at school. I was home, sick. I sat on the couch staring at the emptiness that filled the afternoon. “Zoe, honey, I’ll be heading to my office. Call me if you need anything, okay?” Mom sat down next to me and gave my cheek a kiss. I looked at her and I almost cried.

“Sure,” I replied glumly as she patted my shoulder and started walking towards the front door. I went up to my room and thought about the only person I care about right now. The sun began to set once again on my worthless life. I let out a huge sigh of loneliness and depression. I changed into a pink t-shirt that has a black print that says “Damned” and a pair of skinny jeans with black chucks. I tied my hair into a messy bun and stared into the sad eyes that were fixated on me. I literally looked like I haven’t gotten any sleep since forever. Dark circles framed my dead eyes and a pale shade of broken replaced my normal skin tone. I ran down the stairs in an attempt to leave the house without any attention.

“Where do you think you’re going?” An annoying Toby was sitting on our living room couch with his hands folded across his chest eyeing me indifferently.