Save me. (Remington Leith X Andy Biersack)

Chapter 48

The night is cruel to Remington. He tosses and turns and he can't sleep. He wishes he had never gone to visit her. He thought it'd make him feel better after, once he knew why she did it, but now he feels so much worse.

Sebastian can't sleep either. He knows his brother will be lying awake. He wishes he could take all the boy's pain away.

The singer eventually gets out of bed and goes to get Sebastian. He needs sleep. Remington doesn't have to say anything because his brother is awake, and as soon as he sees the younger man in the doorway he stands up and goes across the hall with him.

The two lie under the covers and Remington wants so badly to tell Sebastian that he regrets going to see Holly, but he feels like such an idiot admitting it. He was the one who called and booked it, after all.

Sebastian feels better knowing his brother isn't alone. He hugs the boy to him and wonders when life got so hard. He feels bad for Larisa. She doesn't know much at all about the situation. She has grown used to sleeping alone.

Remington still can't sleep. He sighs and shuffles about, restless and exhausted all at once. The guitarist plays with his hair to soothe him. "Settle down," he whispers, "go to sleep."

"Can't," the boy murmurs, "sorry."

"Stop that," Sebastian says, "stop saying sorry."

With a yawn, Remington finally stops moving about. "Can't help it," he whispers, "feels like I'm always doing something wrong." He exhales. "I miss being a child," he says, "I miss myself." His voice is sad, broken. "It's like I'm someone else, Sebastian, and I don't like who I am, not anymore."

Sebastian knows his brother is holding back tears. "You're the same Remington I've always known. You've just been pushed around too much, but that is not your fault, Remington, you can't keep blaming yourself. It's tearing you apart."

The boy suddenly sits up. He's tired of people saying that to him. He can keep blaming himself, and he will keep blaming himself. "Stop saying that!" He says aggressively, pushing his brother's hands away in a flurry. "Don't you think I know it's tearing me apart? Of course I fucking know, Sebastian, I'm going fucking crazy!" He's shouting now, and pulling at his hair in distress. Why is this happening?

"Remington, hey, it's okay," Sebastian says quietly, "it's alright."

With a violent shake of his head, Remington stumbles out of bed. "No it's not!" He protests, "nothing about this is okay!" His voice is wavering and piercing and painful. "I can't fucking do this anymore, I can't!" He kicks the wall and doesn't care about the pain it brings him.

Sebastian gets out of the bed and approaches Remington. "Look at me, Remington, you have to breathe." The man is terrified. He doesn't know how to handle this situation.

Remington screams and pulls at his hair. "Shut up!" He shouts, "it hurts!" Hot tears are leaving red stains on his pale cheeks and his head is pounding.

Larisa is standing by the door now, watching silently, sadly, as her fiancé tries to calm the boy down. The guitarist steps back, giving the panicking boy some space, and tries to figure out how to help him. His brother kicks the wall again. Sebastian picks up Remington's phone and couldn't be more thankful that he knows the pin. He finds Dr Beckley's contact and rings the therapist. If anyone knows how to calm Remington down from this, surely it's him. He does have a degree in this stuff after all.

"Hello?" The man answers. Clearly he has just woken up.

Sebastian talks hastily into the phone. "I'm sorry to disturb you, doctor, it's Sebastian. I really need your help."

"What's going on?"

The man watches his brother as he slides down the wall in agony. "Remington's having some sort of mental breakdown or something. I don't know what to do."

Dr Beckley sits up in bed. This is very sudden. "You need to stay calm, Sebastian. What is he doing?"

"Screaming, pulling his hair. He was kicking the wall and shouting too. He's crying heavily. What do I do?"

The therapist isn't surprised that this is happening. "You need to stop him from hurting himself in any way. Can you get him into bed or something?"

Sebastian edges closer to the boy. Remington screams. "No, he's terrified," he says quickly, and steps back, "he's really fucking terrified."

"Sit down, Sebastian, you'll be less scary if you're not standing up. Sit down, stay still, and say, 'you're safe.' Tell him you're there to help, that you care about him."

The man does as he's told. He sits on the end of the bed. "Remington," he says calmly, "you're safe here. I'm here to help you," he talks slowly, softly, "no one is going to hurt you."

Dr Beckley can hear the man talking. "That's it, stay calm. He's more likely to calm down if you're calm."

Sebastian listens to the voice through the phone while he watches his brother. Remington has his head between his knees and his arms around his legs, trying to breathe. "You're safe," he says again, and glances at Larisa, mouthing the word water to her. She nods and disappears downstairs to get a glass of water.

"What's going on now?" The therapist asks.

"He's stopped screaming. He's trying to calm his breathing." Sebastian stays still as his bother lifts his head up. He doesn't say anything. Remington clambers to his feet and stumbles over to the bed. Sebastian doesn't have time to process what's happening before the boy is practically begging him for a hug. "I think he's okay now," the man says into the phone, "thankyou so much." He hangs up and opens his arms. Remington crawls into his lap. "You're safe," Sebastian whispers, and holds his hand out for the glass of water when Larisa returns. She hands it to him and leaves the room. "Do you want some water?" The boy nods and takes the glass from the older man, sipping the cool liquid slowly.

He shudders in his brother's arms. "I shouldn't have visited her," he mumbles in between small gulps of water. "Why did you let me visit her?" The question is rhetorical, they both know it is.

Sebastian's daren't move. The boy is barely calm and the last thing they need is for him to be startled by a sudden, or non sudden, movement. "Sleep," he whispers, stroking his little bother's hair soothingly. Remington shivers. He doesn't protest as Sebastian lies him down  under the covers and gets in beside him. "You're safe," he says, repeating his earlier words, "sleep."