Save me. (Remington Leith X Andy Biersack)

Chapter 54

"We go on tour soon," Remington says to Andy. Both of them are sitting in Sebastian's living room. The younger keeps glancing at the man's hand, which is on his knee. He doesn't know if he's comfortable with that. He wishes he was, but he knows probably isn't.

Andy hides his disappointment. The two had just started getting close again. "You are?"

The boy nods. The more he looks the the hand on his knee the more he doesn't like it being there. "I wish we weren't. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, but I can't, not yet." A wave if relief washes over him when Andy lifts his hand off him.

"You'll be okay," Andy reassures, though he has no idea if that's true.

Remington knows he probably won't be okay. "Well I hope so," he says, and yawns. He's always fucking exhausted.

"I've got to go and discuss the new album with Jake. He's producing it." The man stands up and so does Remington, handing him his phone from the table.

Remington freezes in fright as Andy hugs him and desperately frees himself. His eyes are wide, heart thumping. He stumbles backwards to put a gap between them and holds his arms around himself in a protective manner.

Andy realises what he has done as soon as it happens. "Oh shit, Remington, I'm sorry," he says quietly, "are you okay?"

The boy wants to shake his head, but nods instead. "'s not your fault," he whispers, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't-I shouldn't be scared of you." He feels guilty. How could he not? Andy hasn't done anything to deserve that reaction from him. Remington looks down at the floor. "Sorry," he mumbles again, not knowing what else to say. It feels like he's the one who should be apologising. It always does.

Andy feels terrible. He shouldn't have hugged him like that. Of course it would scare the poor boy. "Don't apologise," the man says softly, "you have every right to be scared."

Remington jumps at the sound of the door opening. He watches Sebastian come in and sends him a desperate look, the older brother abandoning what he was doing to comfort the young man. "You okay?" This time he shakes his head. "What's wrong, you're shaking?" With a heavy sigh, the singer wraps his arms around his brother, wondering why he feels so safe in Sebastian's arms but so terrified in Andy's. God, he's grateful for Sebastian. "You're alright, you're safe," the guitarist whispers, slow and calm, just like Dr Beckley said.

Andy doesn't know what to do. He should have made sure Remington was okay with it before trying to hug him. Now he's made the boy think it's his fault for being scared. His phone buzzes with a message from Jake, asking where he is, so he quietly leaves the house, wanting to apologise to Remington but not wanting to scare him by talking.

"What happened?" Sebastian asks once Andy has gone.

The singer rests his chin on Sebastian's shoulder. "He hugged me," he murmurs, "I wasn't expecting it. Got scared." He knows he can tell his bother without being told he's wrong, something Holly would always do.

Sebastian draws circles into his back. "You alright now?"

"I think so," Remington answers, and separates the embrace. "Thank you."

I'm sorry about earlier. Are you okay now?

The text from Andy makes him smile.
It's okay. I should have told you not to hug me. I'm okay.

No, you shouldn't have to tell me. I'm glad you're alright.

Remington leaves it at that, satisfied with the results and happy that Andy cares. He's surprised that the man hasn't given up on him by now.

Tour dates are selling out. It makes Remington nervous, scared even. He's under so much pressure to be perfect for all those adoring fans. What if he can't live up to their expectations?

And they all love it when he climbs up the rafters, when he jumps into the crowd. What if he disappoints them by not doing that? Will they all hate him? He couldn't stand letting his fans down. He couldn't live with that.

What's worse, he asks himself, destroying himself or disappointing his fans?

Andy tried to hug me today. I pushed him off me. I was scared. Terrified. I wish I wasn't. I wish I could hug him without feeling her hands on me. But I can't. How do I get rid of her? Sebastian helped me. He hugged me until I was calm. I don't know what I'd do without him and Emerson. I don't know what I'd do without Andy, either, but I just wish I could show him that. He must think I'm such a dick.

I'm nervous about tour. I don't want to let anyone down but I'm not ready. I don't know if I will ever be ready. Our fans have no idea what happened to me. They think I just got into an 'accident'. Ha! Some fucking accident.

I could actually kill Holly.