At Your Bedside

•Ch.1•

I was having a great time on a cruise with my mom. Everything was so bright, so beautiful. I felt like nothing and no one could take this moment away. But then everything went grey. Mom became severely ill. She nearly died on that vacation. I still remember sitting beside her in sun, though now I sit besides her in a dark hospital room. She is barely awake and as she slowly falls asleep I walk away as the doctor asks me to do.

Now I sit in the corner of the hospital lounge alone waiting for a doctor to give me the slightest bit of news; good or bad. I have been here for over a month and everyday she gets even worse. They don't know what the disease is or how it got into her body. The only thing they do know is that there is an eighty-nine percent chance that she will die. I won't let that happen. I refuse to leave the hospital.

Early in the morning, I walk to the cafeteria. I buy my first and last meal of the day and walk to the far side of the room. As I am finishing up my food I spot five rehab patients. They look like they are miserable and have been through a lot of treatments, yet somehow they manage to pull off a small smile. I wonder how they do that.

As I walk back to the lounge, I pass the quiet, dark rooms of the healing. I hear voices in one though. It sounds like they are talking to someone. They are crying. I hear a teenage boy say in the tiniest, most quiet voice,"I may have wanted to be a great, well known person and have an extraordinary life, but I am glad I had this, you guys. I love you," followed by a long, constant beep. My eyes start to water in pity and sorrow for the family, though I don't yet know how they feel.

I fast-walk to the lounge saddened by what I witnessed. I fall into my chair heavily and put my face into the palms of my hands. I could be in that terrible position of losing someone that I love before I know it. Just imagining that gave me the need to know that she was still "okay".

Nearing the end of the visit to her room, Mom starts to talk to me more than usual. "You know, Casey, I am really sick," she says," There is no diagnoses of what I have or what is wrong. And you know I may never get out of this hospital,"

"Don't say that!" I exclaim. "You never know. Maybe they'll find a cure!"

"Even if they do, it would be too late. I am too sick. We all know that I am going to," she pauses," die."

At this point I cannot talk any longer. I start to slowly walk away.

"Casey," she says just before I leave. This makes me halt for one moment. "Just remember...I love you." I smile with tears all over my face and nod. I leave the room.

At the lounge, I sit in my usual seat crying into my hands. My mom's doctor comes in and kneels down beside me. I take my face out of my hands.

"I hate to break it to you," he says with a terrible expression on his face," but she is expected to..."

"Die! I know! Why do you think I am crying?" I yell. I feel bad now for yelling at him. "Sorry. I am just so stressed. I can't help but yell and cry."

"No need to apologize. I know how you feel," he tells me. I see him slightly bite his lip.

"Anyways what were you gonna say?" I ask him.

"She is not expected to live, like you know, but she is highly likely to, well, die by... tomorrow." I can't believe what I just heard. My mouth is opened and my eyes are becoming flooded with tears. I put my sleeve over my mouth to lessen the loudness of the sob I feel coming on. He pats my back and leaves.

A girl comes from the other side of the room and sits next to me.

"I overheard him talking. I'm sorry to hear that terrible news. Today my boyfriend died. Yeah, it has been eight days after we had the pre-funeral. He died in the ICU when the cancer, which was practically made up of him, finally stopped his heart," she says with a soft sniffle. I look at her. My mom hasn't even died and she takes her loss like champ.

She pulls down her hoodie. She has a pixie stay haircut and the most beautiful brown, hair with blonde highlights. She's gorgeous. But she is dying. She has a cannula in her nose which leads to an oxygen tank. Cancer. Just like her boyfriend.

This night we both sleep upright in the chairs. I had the most disturbing nightmare out of the month of suffering. This time in my dream, everything I loved or knew disappeared into a long, dark haze. And there was nothing I could do. After a while of distress in my dream I was pulled into the mist which made me wake up in terror. The girl is still asleep. I leave to see Mom for most likely the last time.

Mom is asleep. I sit beside her bedside holding her hand looking at the wrinkles. I can't help but to think what these hands have done and been through. Those wrinkles remind me of wisdom. While rubbing her hand, her eyes open the slightest bit. "Look at my beautiful daughter. So young. You have a big life ahead of you. A quite extraordinary one, too." We both smile for a moment.

"I'm glad I had this," I say," I don't need an extraordinary life. All I need is good people to fulfill it. I think you did a great job in helping me have one."