Clover Hawkings and the Triwizard Tournament

17. Hospital Wing Again

When I wake up, it's fuzzy and warm. Too warm. I groan. My voice is hoarse. I force my eyes open, wiping off the eye goop that sealed them closed. It's bright, too bright. I slowly sit up. My covers are all kicked off, and the blanket that was on the foot on my bed last night is now tangled around my arms. Artemis is sleeping. I can see her, right in front of me, sleeping with her covers on and the blanket at the foot of the bed, like a normal person. Alura, to my left, is fast asleep with her pillow over her head. I hear a rustle.

"Sorry," Scarlet whispers, tiptoeing towards me. "Did I wake you?"

"Hun?" I muttered. "Oh, what, no. I just went, like, awake." Scarlet frowns. People say "so-and-so frowned" all the time but so little of that is actual frowning, just eyebrow creasing. Scarlet frowns, like her mouth turned downwards in an upside-down smile. "Woke up, I mean."

" Are you okay?" I used to hate the question. I still might. But I'll like it alot more if the person asking it's trying to shove a smile on my face. "I don't feel good," I admit.

Scarlet tentatively perches on the corner of my bed. "I'm sorry," she says, and she means it. "Is there anything I can do?"

I am silent for a long time before I decided being here is enough. Now I just have to keep her here. "Why are you up so early?"

Scarlet shrugs. "It's not that early." But it is, the sun is barely up and Scarlet is already ready to go, I mean down to her polished black shoes. I never wore the school shoes, just my red high tops. No one notices, I wear robes a tad too big to cover them up. I tell this to her, minus the Converse part.

There's a sigh, a long one. "Chronic insomnia."

"Like when you can't sleep?"

"No, Clover, like when you become the president of Tasmania! Yes-" Scarlet suddenly seems to lose steam- "Yeah. When you can't sleep. Sorry."

"Can't you just take a sleep potion?"

"Every night? No, your brain gets too dependent on it."

"Oh."

"Yeah. So, um, anyway, you want me to take you to the nurse?"

"No, I don't need to be taken to the nurse! I can handle this! I don't need hel-" I push myself to my feet and my head roars in protest. "Shit. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to....sorry."

Scarlet tips her head. "You know, people like vulnerable people."

This seems like a strange change of topic. I tip my head back. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, no one is strong all the time. Most people know that, but if you'd always had to be strong it can be hard to understand. It makes it harder to interact with people who understand that being open and caring for people is good, not a weakness. Because if you are open, people are drawn to that. Humans are constantly trying to find the balance in other people between what they have and what they don't."

This hits too close to home. "Love is a weakness," I say, looking down. "There's nothing more to it."

"Love is a vulnerability, not a weakness," Scarlet corrects. "There's a difference."

"You're very smart." I can look up at her now. "Emotionally, I mean."

"Thanks," Scarlet stares into my eyes, and there's something in them, something stronger than me- I never thought I could be so terrified of a girl who cries when butterflies die. "I've had to be."

"Oh- um, okay."

"You have, too, I think, you just haven't felt safe enough to lower your guard fully. You should, it really does get better."

"Oh. Okay."

"Anyway, you wanna go to the nurse now?"

"Sure," I stand up and ignore the jolt of dizziness that spreads through me.

"Hey, um," I glance at my shoes and then pull my gaze up, "how do you know this...emotional stuff? I can't figure it out." The words feel too soft and exposing, I expect them to fall to the floor and be squished under Scarlet's shiny shoes, but she gently molds them into a conversation.

"I have a very high sense of self-awareness and emotional wisdom because when I or others are upset, I attempt to understand what they are really upset about," Scarlet explained, taking a huge breath afterward. There's a beat of silence, we turn a corner. "It's a survival tactic."

"Oh, then I have a low sense of self-awareness and emotional smartness stuff because when I'm upset I try to stop my emotions and try to forget whatever happened," I announce.

"That's also a survival tactic, you know," she says, and not for the first time in the last couple days I feel a layer of myself pulled back that no one has ever wanted to see before. "Avoidance is not a healthy coping mechanism."

"Yup, oh look, we're almost at the Hospital Wing!"

Scarlet shoots me a look but goes along with the topic change.

A cloud of white bustled up to us, later identified as Madam Pomfrey in her normal poofy white dress robes. "You're sick!"

"Oh, is that what that is?"

Madam Pomfrey gives me a look really similar to the one I just got from Scarlet. "Hospital Wing overnight, I'll say. Right, over here, please, Miss Hawkings," she guides me over to a bed. "And no visitors necessary."

Scarlet sighed and took a step backward. "I'll send Artemis later!" she calls.

"You will?" I yell. "Okay. Wait, why? It's okay, I-Okay, but what are you going to say- Scarlet!"

Scarlet, with a smirk out of Alura's book, just walks away down the stone halls.

"You really shouldn't strain your voice like that, Miss Hawkings, no matter how pretty that Artemis is," Madam Pomfrey advises. 

I almost choke on literally nothing.