Clover Hawkings and the Triwizard Tournament

31. Reflection

Remember, to let her into your heart,

then we can start, to make it better.

...... and any time you feel the pain-

Hey Jude, refrain

- The Beatles, Hey Jude

This song just captures this and the next chapter chapters so well! I could put almost all of the lyrics up there ^^ I had to refrain ;) However, I did not refrain from double-updating. Yup. Well, it happens, and I'm so excited about these coming chapters! 

 A side note: I'm a little uncertain of this chapter- it seems a bit...ramble-y towards the end. 

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"And you just like to fix people."

Alura glared at me.

"Sorry, I thought we were stating obvious facts," it's very clear I am not sorry. Good.

"Clover, be serious," Scarlet seemed unfazed. "This is a problem for you! There's a root problem you need to address."

"It doesn't take a genius," I said dully. "Everyone I care about dies."

"Hello?!" Scarlet gestured to herself and Alura. "What are we, chopped liver?"

"My mother died because of me," I said loudly.

"I don't think that's true-" Scarlet began gently.

"Well, it is!" I stood up angrily. "If my mother hadn't been outside, talking to me, she wouldn't have been murdered!"

"I'm not entirely sure what we're talking about, but if you were outside when they killed her, don't you think if she wasn't they would just come inside and kill all of you?"

"She-died-because-of-me!" I fling the words out. The last few months of researching- all of it has been in vain. We failed.

I failed.

It's still my fault.

I collapsed onto the floor, shaking sobs racking my chest. My face is hot and wet with snot and tears, I bury it in my robes.

I failed.

"Clover," I can hear Scarlet's voice. 

"Clover," Scarlet says again, timidly. "Don't you think- well, you're kind of proof that what your mother did wasn't in vain? I mean, if she hadn't given you that memory, or information, or whatever- then no one would have it, and what she did would be for nothing. Besides," she continues, sitting on my bed.

 "I'm sure your mom was smart- well, aside from putting that information in an eight-year old's head, but anyway. She knew what she was getting into. She knew that spying for the Order was dangerous, that the information she was trying to find was putting her at a risk. She knew that, but did it anyway. Don't take the honor away from her sacrifice."

I hear her getting up, and Alura going with her. I am left alone again, stuck in my still thoughts. 

I sat on the floor for what felt like a long time, trying not to think about any of this. My mind felt numb. I knew if I thought anything, it would result in crying or screaming or both, so I just lay on the stone floor and wondered why no one thought to put a carpet here.

It was stupid, really. Carpets should be mandatory, so numbskulls didn't forget to put one down and live their lives oblivious to it. I raised my head half-heartedly, and realized the bed I was lying by was mine.