Clover Hawkings and the Triwizard Tournament

24. In the Owlery

Hello everyone! This is a graphic that the amazing AmansRose made for me for Grace (our winged badger friend.) Thank you! 

Enjoy!

The forest was quiet, soft and eerie in a way only forests could. Despite that, I found it peaceful. The only noises were of my high tops on the leaves, an occasional bird, and my own breathing. It was nice to leave all my thoughts behind, especially when they are as confusing as they are now.  

"Hi there," I called when I had reached my destination and pumpkins.

"Hphm," my destination snorted back. (the pumpkins didn't). Grace the Badger was doing well, checking the box for all the normal badger development stuff- except for the furry white wings on her back, and being three times the size of a normal badger. They had grown long and rather elegant, but made her body look squat and mismatched- which, I suppose, it was. A loose leather collar bound her to a long chain, which was attached with plenty of room to a pole in Hagrid's pumpkin patch.

"Uh- hi." It occurred to me running into the edge of the Forbidden Forest to talk to a badger who I had very little previous connection with was, perhaps, my best idea.

"I'm just going to- uh- sit here..." I lowered myself down onto a pumpkin.

It wasn't very comfortable, but I need to get away.

Artemis had just stared at me the whole time I was speaking. Scarlet got so frustrated she cried, and we had to take a break. Alura wasn't happy either, but I think that was only because she was upset that I upset Scarlet.

Why did I do such a thing? you ask. Well, for whatever reason, the redhead disapproved of chasing after my mother's murder. As if it wasn't the only way! And then...

I buried my head in my hands. These thoughts were too weak for the outside world.

And then it finally wouldn't be my fault anymore.

The thought felt private but wrong, a dirty secret, like gossip whispered from one ear to another.

"And then it won't be my fault anymore."

I whispered it, just to feel what the words were like in my mouth. It still felt wrong, but...if I could just prove to myself I didn't do it- if there was any way, any way at all I wasn't responsible-

A dry, shaking sob racked my chest. Was that even possible? It had to be- I'll make it so- because I just can't live with this guilt any longer.

I took a deep breath. I had made progress. I had jumped. But I still didn't know if I was falling or flying.

"Bye, Grace," I whisper, and begin the long walk uphill, back to the castle. I can't stand sitting in these itchy thoughts any longer. I was planning on going back to Ravenclaw tower, but my legs were pulling me up to the Owlery. I guess I'm still not ready to go see my friends. Their faces flashed in my mind again- Scarlet crying, Alura glaring, Artemis just staring. At some point I thought I was going to cry, and that's when Artemis took over and I left.

Another memory flashed by- from when I was in the Hospital Wing back in late October, after Durmstrang and the butterfly ladies had arrived for the Tournament. Even though it had been almost two months since then, no one had told me what exactly happened. I recall some gibberish about buried and shattered memories, and triggers. Was Karkaroff the trigger? Is that why I saw that memory of him? I clenched my teeth. Just the thought of a former Death Eater, now at Hogwarts for the Triwizard Tournament- it sounded way too much like the last time he was here.

I still don't know what happened to my father. All I know is, he was part of the mission to bring back the Triwizard Tournament- which, of course, was just a clever plan to kill Dumbledore.

It hadn't worked- he had been the one that died.

Although I don't know why. For that matter, if Cass was with the Order, and my mom was a double agent for them, where did my father stand? Had he also been a double agent? Or...had my mother killed him so he wouldn't infer with her reporting to the Order? Or, maybe she was a triple agent- pretending to spy on the Death Eaters for the Order, but really spying on the Order for the Death Eaters. I didn't know, which was quickly becoming a concerning and frustrating pattern.

A bird rustled behind me, drawing me from my thoughts. The Owlery was peaceful, and had a great view. It was quiet. Although, if we're being honest, it didn't smell too great.

It was an odd thing, that silence in my mind used to only happen when I did stupid things, like jumping into dark tunnels, or sneaking around. Now, the way to get that was by doing quiet things. My mind didn't use to respect quiet things.

My attention was once again drawn to the Triwizard Tournament by the butterfly ladies' huge blue pumpkin carriage, sitting not far from Hagrid's hut. The First Task was tomorrow. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. Which means that the famed Yule Ball was....less than a month away. 28 days. You could already see the effects- girls were giggling and boys were sweating. Gossip was everywhere.

"Hoo," an owl called.

"Hoo," I say back. The owl lands on the ledge next to me. I smile. "Hi there."

"Hoo," the owl repeated wearily, and stuck out its leg. My heart sank. This was Cass's owl. I don't know why I don't want to hear from her, but I don't. Maybe it's because she didn't tell me anything all these years, or because I haven't heard from her since...was it September when I got her owl last?

"Hoo!" The owl glared.

"Fine, I'll take it," I grumbled, and untied the string.

The letter was stiff, and crinkled up, and when opened, little patches of salt could even be seen. Without even reading it, I could tell the ink was partly smeared. The price of sending an owl across the Atlantic, I guess. The odd thing was there was barely any text on the parchment. 

"Did she make you go all that way?" I ask the owl.

"Hoo."

I glance at the date, written in Cass's neat, round handwriting. November 6, 1995. It took three weeks. Why didn't she use Citius, the speed spell I had seen her do a million times sending letters? It made the journey take only a couple of days. Maybe she was worried about animal cruelty?

  I suddenly realize I'm just trying to avoid reading the letter. Best give it over with- I force my eyes onto the letters.

Oh.

My head is spinning. The world is rushing.

"Fuck."