Cut& shut.

What's happening ?

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me.

I've always said things like 'I don't understand why people become anorexic' or 'when they know what can Happen, why do they Risk so many health and psychotic problems by starving themselves?!'

And now, I do understand.

I know I have a healthy BMI, about 20 or 19 or smth.

I'm 1.70 m. tall and weight 55.5 kilos. that's normal.

But, I do feel fat.

'Just until my thights have a gap between them', I thought. 'Then I'll stop.'
And where am I now ?

Yeah, I know the gap isn't really there, not fully. But my stomach is more flat now.

And the scale Shows a tinier number.

It doesn't really Sound that bad, does it ?

well, wait for it.

I nearly stopped eating on Mondays& Tuesdays. My mum couldn't even check, neither my dad or sister, bc I have school 'Til 5.30 p.m.

I should take about 2338 calories in every day.

Today it was maybe 600.
Yesterday even less.

That's what I ate on Monday:

morning: a small Kiwi
during school (morning Till Midday) one mini orange, we call it 'Mandarine' but idek what it means in english, +about 7 mini swedish-Fish because I felt like fainting.
lunch: Coffee, about 50 calories and 2 chewinggums
evening: some noodles, not much

today I had:(tuesday)
breakfast: a 'Mandarine'
during school: third of a little bread
lunch: coffee like on monday and something we call mohnstrudel, it's sweet but not really unhealthy if not overconsumed. i didn't eat much.
Dinner/evening: rest of the little bread, 2 or 3 'Mandarinen' and 'Rice waffels' or whatevs. (reiswaffeln in german)

The problem by now is, i'm hungry nearly all the time but after only eating something like half an Apple i'm so full and feel like i just had a whole chicken with a Pot of Rice.