Aftermath

Relapsed

Jake has been gone for many months now and I'm dealing with it. I'm not as bright as I usually be. I can't wake up and see him lying next to me. Where he's at he can't talk to anyone and its hard for me because the kids miss him and I miss him.

I'm going to pick the kids up from my mom's house.

"Hey honey how was work today", my mom asked.

"Tiring, where are the kids"

"They are sleeping. I have good news and bad news"

"Ugghh no more bad news"

"Ok good news is I got a new job. Bad news is I got a new job"

"Oh gosh mom I have to find a new babysitter"

"Yes I'm sorry"

"No you're fine mom"

"Alana I'm really worried about you", my mom stated.

"Why mom". She started to tear up and hated seeing my mom cry because it makes me tear up.

"Mom why are you crying"

"Because you're not the same person you were. I'm scared you have too much on your plate and you're gonna relapse and somehow I thinks it my fault"

"Mom I'm not gonna say I'm doing awesome and I'm not gonna say I'm doing horrible"

"Well honey how do you feel"

"I don't know how I feel honestly", I started to cry.

"Oh honey its ok. You need someone to talk to. Maybe we should talk to a therapist."

"Mom you know I hate talking to a therapist"

"Well it'll help"

"Well I'm not going"

I got the kids and I left to the house. I was hoping that the they wouldn't wake up, but Kristie did.

"Come on Kristie"

I put JJ to bed and fixed Kristie a bottle, then I put her to sleep. I'm trying hard not to relapse, but every time I see those pain killers I just want to take the whole bottle.

"One pill won't hurt", I said to myself as I took the pill. Once I took it I just passed out on the couch.

I woke up in the middle of the night because my leg was killing me, the same one from the motorbike accident I was in. I really didn't want to go to the hospital, but it was really paining, so I took more pain killers.

"Mom can I drop the kids over there for a couple of hours" 

"Yes honey what's wrong"

"My leg is really hurting and I can't take the pain"

"You didn't take any painkillers because that's relapsing"

I'm not gonna tell her I took them because I know what I just did. I'm pretty sure it's not gonna get bad.

"No that's why I'm going to the hospital"

I got them ready and dropped them off and headed to the hospital.

"Ok Mrs. Voltaire it says you've been here before because of your leg"

"Correct"

"OK so what's bothering you today"

"It's been paining, when I walk"

"OK we're gonna give you a brace for your leg. Go to this center Mondays and Thursdays for exercise for your leg", the doctor says handing me a card.