Randomness

February 16, 2020

     I had another fluzy, technically yesterday.. Just thought I would document it... since I have been told I need to, but just don't. Well, the only vivid time I actually remember having one was.. oh wait, there actually was one after that. Well, I guess I will just write down the ones I remember the most. The ones that.. well... I don't know.

     The first one I vividly remember was, maybe, three to four years ago. I was walking to karate, and suddenly my brain went fluzy. Apparently it had happened before, because I remembered then that this was something I recognized as somewhat common. Basically, my mind almost.. stopped? I began feeling fluzy -- I say fluzy because I don't exactly know how to describe it -- but I could tell that this was somehow worse from the previous when I even took a few steps backward. It was, stranger than the smaller ones before, which I don't even remember. It was after karate that I mentioned it to my mom, casually saying something like, "You know those times when..?" and she was thoroughly confused, scheduling an appointment even. Pretty pointless since by the time I showed up I had come to the conclusion that I simply needed to drink more water.

     The second time I vividly remember was now in-between one and two years ago. This one was in a way.. worse. I had been working at the firework stand all day, and was physically exhausted. Pretty much everyone was already in bed, and the lights to the small trailer were off. My little sister slept on a small top-bunk and I slept on the bottom bunk just under her. She had gotten up to go to the bathroom or something after everyone except me were already settled, so I had to help lift her up there. It was once she was fully on and crawling up there that I felt fluzy again. I knew I could have stayed standing, but the previously mentioned physical exhaustion made me collapse on my bed. I stayed half on my bed, knees on the floor I think, for a certain ammount of time. It was almost as if.. I had just been, turned off.. reset. Maybe? Once it was over, having taken that time maybe about five seconds, I simply shrugged it off yet again and crawled back into bed. It must have been because of how tired I was.. or maybe I still wasn't having enough water, even though I drank a lot thst day.

    And then.. there was just yesterday, just after lunch I believe. I was animating. I had my usual music Playlist on and had just skipped an add or something when I was returning to anikating. I don't remember what music was on or anything, but I think I was humming to it. I was just looking at the screen when I felt fluzy again. My humming stopped instantly and my head slipped to looking off to some random unfocused point on the screen, more around the bottom corner of it, not even exacrly looking at the screen. It was then that I began wondering exactly what this was. Unlike the other times, I was perfectly fine. I was fully hydrated, as well as rested. I remember trying to see if I could make myself hum or something again, but nothing was working. It was then that I recognized a little more of the feeling. It was as if I was being.. reset? Now, I know I am no robot. Having a bloody nose daily for a couple months had proven that, as well as just a bunch of other things that involve me obviously being a person. I then tried to think of a word that best describes the situation, how I felt, how strange it was to suddenly be alienated from your own mind and body. All I could think of, however, was "fluzy." It ended after only a few seconds. It didn't feel as long as last time. Maybe only five or something seconds as well. And, I simply continued humming where I had left off, and continued everything as if nothing had happened, only a small part of me left curious.

     I had just shrugged it off, again. And I have no idea why. I could have easily told someone that last time, and the time before that, but I hadn't. Might just be because it really isn't that importan. I mean, it happens to everyone.. right?