Randomness

The Viewer

     I am just going to be real blunt here, right now. Everything is confusing.

     Have you ever felt that pressing weight of the world on your shoulders, that little bubble in the back of your mind that pushes you to do something about it?... Well..

     Sometimes you feel like you understand the world better than most; other times you feel as if you are the only one who doesn't understand anything.

     It is strange. It is confusing. I can feel their pain. I suffer with them. I feel a loss for simply learning things, things which accumulate, and sometimes haunt me. But, at the same time, I turn myself away. I block all that out. There is nothing I can do; so I simply do nothing. That weight is not gone. But, thankfully, it is lifted from me on most occasions.

     But then it hits you hard. Something new. Something you understand. WHY CAN NO ONE ELSE SEE IT? I am confused. Without reason my brain begins trying to solve the world's problems. My head races. I am confused. Some things I can see so clearly. Some things, I feel as if I am so close, but just out of reach. I don't know why, but it pains me.

     You try to come up with solutions in your head. But none of them fit right.

No, that has already been tried. 

No, these people over here would just ignore it.

No, that is too risky.

No, that would lead everyone into an even worse direction.

No...

It just won't work...

Nothing works...

     It is a pain to watch the world burn. Some said it would be fun. But those people are obviously blind. Our home. Our comfort. Our people. No, you are just destroying EVERYTHING. Please, if only there was a way to stop everything. If only there was a way to freeze time. But, at the same time, I know nothing g like that would work either.

     In the end, I am stuck with a... hollow feeling.

     I will get over it shortly. It always turns out that way. It just... I don't like blocking the world out, but, every time I try to understand it.. I feel as if I am understanding it too well.

     In the end I simply have to accept it's inevitable doom. All I can do is try to make sure it ends the best way possible. In the end, I need to make sure that at least those I care about are safe..... Yet I feel so mean towards them sometimes. I wonder, if they even know I care...

     Anyway, guess that was random. All I can say is.. I am confused.

     And I don't even know why.

     ...I guess you could say my go to quote would be, "Imma go down swinging, when I go down."