Recklessly (Lumity)

Chapter Two - Fight Between Us

Luz's P.O.V
My legs were crossed as I sat patiently waiting for my mom to finish talking to my principal. When I got done talking to Amity, I saw my mother and the principal talking. My mind went back to what he said, that he knew what to do to fix me. What was he referring to? Would it be something good or bad? Whatever it was, I wanted to fix the problem with me so I guess I'll do whatever it takes.

I couldn't stop thinking about the talk I had with Amity. My stupid crush on her hasn't stopped even though we quit being friends almost three years ago. We used to be close friends but suddenly she started ignoring me, rejecting my calls, walking away from me when I tried to talk to her, and sometimes mean to me. I don't know what happened between us but it tore me apart and left me broken. Eda had to drag me out of my bedroom for a whole week after Amity stopped talking to me, sometimes she still does.

"Luz, let's go home and I'll talk to you about Mr.Jones's idea to help you." Eda's voice almost sounded pained but I did my best to ignore it, which was hard. She knows that I have anxiety and that I get bullied, but she doesn't know how far it gets sometimes and I bet that scares her.

"I'm sorry mom." I apologized when we got in her car and her face rose in confusion, wondering why in the world I was apologizing. I honestly don't know what I was apologizing for, it just felt right to say sorry to her.

"For what? There's nothing to apologize for." She gives me a sweet smile and ruffles my hair. She always does that as a way to say I love you and it usually comforts me but right now I felt nothing but guilt.

"I just feel guilty. You had to come pick me up all because of a stupid anxiety attack." I crossed my arms and sighed loudly, showing how mad I was with myself.

"Hey, anxiety attacks are not stupid, and no matter what the reason is I will pick you up from school if you need it." My eyes stung with tears as I kept my focus on the road ahead. I didn't want to look at her face, she was probably disappointed in me.

The whole ride home was quiet, making my head swarm with many thoughts. I could see Eda glance over at me from time to time, making sure that I was okay and not about to break down. Thankfully she didn't notice that I wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry. I just wanted this day to be over with and to sleep it all off only for tomorrow to come.

"We gotta talk Luz, come sit." One step into the house and Eda pointed at the high chair in front of the kitchen counter. She didn't waste any time on telling me what Mr.Jones had said to her.

"Your anxiety has gotten worse Luz and don't lie and say it hasn't. Everyone has noticed by now that you're getting more and more sucked into anxiety. Mr.Jones told me how to help you and we both got you signed up already to go to therapy." Panic, anger, and sadness all swelled up inside of me. I didn't want to go, just the thought of it scared me.

"What? No, I can't just spill my feelings to someone I don't even know!" My voice was louder than I intended it to be, I wasn't mad at my mom, I'm just mad that my actions have ended up with me possibly going to therapy. Somehow I always ended up mad at myself.

"You have to Luz, it's the only thing that can possibly help you. I hate seeing you tear yourself apart and break down crying every once in awhile. You need to get help." Even more panic filled up my body and I felt like throwing up. I pushed off the chair, almost falling onto the floor in the process, and stumbling to the front door.

"What are you doing Luz?" Eda was seriously worried about me but right now I didn't care about anything, I just wanted to get away from everyone and everything.

"I need air." With those words I opened the door and left. Running down the sidewalk I let the cool air calm me down. My heart was beating fast and the panic was still boiling up in me but I ignored it the best I could.