Recklessly (Lumity)

Chapter Six - Doubt Myself

Luz's P.O.V

I followed Zander as he led me towards where his locker is. He was taking me to meet his best friends, Willow and Gus. He told me that they were excited to meet me so I sure hope I don't make a fool of myself. My head was full of thoughts, just like yesterday, but mostly because of what happened earlier today. Amity hugged me, and then told me it was because she had a nightmare that I died. Why was she dreaming about me? And why did I die?

I remember how flustered I got when she suddenly hugged me, the amount of panic I was in. A part of me wanted to hug back but I already told her to stay away from me, so I couldn't do that. It's understandable why she hugged me though, she was relieved to see me alive. That means she still cares. But why does she still care about me, and how? Amity just drove me crazy!

"Luz, this is Willow and Gus." I was pulled back to reality as Zander pointed out his two friends. Willow had short black hair that tucked behind her ears, her green eyes stood out behind her big and round glasses. She was super cute. Gus had dark skin and dark brown hair, he had a huge smile that was very contagious.

"Hey, it's nice to meet you guys." They each shook my hand as Zander stood besides us, smiling big. He was probably really happy to see his best friends meet.

"Zander's told us a lot about you and you sound really cool." Willow giggled seeing the embarrassment that spread on Zander's face. He talks about me a lot? What does he say, is it all good or bad?

"Don't worry, he only says optimistic things about you." Gus spoke up from beside Willow, making me sigh in relief. Zander chuckled and grabbed my hand, which sent a spark through my body again. I only met this boy yet I think I was falling hard for him.

"Alright, well, we gotta go but we'll see you at lunch!" Zander waved them goodbye and ran to the next class that we have together. I could tell he was super embarrassed after what Willow and Gus said, it was cute to see him flustered.

"You don't have to be embarrassed, you know? I think it's sweet that you talk about me a lot." I give him a small smile before stopping us in the hallway. I took his other hand and looked up into his eyes.

"Well that's a relief, I thought you were gonna think I was weird for talking about you. It's hard not to though, when you're such a great person." His smile sent chills up and down my spine and made my heart beat fast. Could he stop making my body do crazy things?

"Shut up, I am not that great." I let go of his hands before I could get too lost in his eyes, and started walking. He unexpectedly grabbed my wrist and spun me so I was looking right at him.

"Don't doubt yourself Luz, you are a great person and I will fight anyone who says otherwise." He chuckled a bit, trying to make me laugh but instead I felt a bit scared. His tone was darker than his happy and light normal tone, he wasn't mad at me, right? He was just mad that I doubted myself.

"Okay, okay, I won't doubt myself." I smile, showing him that I'm okay so he will let go of my wrist. Once he did, I looked down to make sure it wasn't bruising and thankfully it wasn't. His grip was tight but maybe not hard enough to make a bruise.

Some classes passed by and lunch came around the corner before I knew it. Zander promised that he would sit with me, as well as Willow and Gus. I would finally be with people while I eat, instead of being alone, and I was so happy! That happiness was soon flipped upside down as I saw Amity all alone, just staring at her food that was on her tray. I took a seat with Zander, but couldn't take my eyes off of Amity. She looked so sad and I wished I could help but I didn't want to bother her. Her golden eyes glanced up and she almost caught me staring but didn't, thanks to my quick reflexes I was able to look away.

My mind was focused on Amity the rest of the classes. I swear I could still feel her arms wrapped around mine and I found myself wishing that she really was hugging me. It was hard to stop thinking about her when she made herself known to everyone, even the people that hated her. She was brave to stand up to the bullies like Ember and Andrea, and I found it really cool that she could do that. She's always been the brave one, not me.

Soon the classes zoomed by and next thing I know, I'm outside, yelling at Amity. The sky was pouring and I couldn't help but feel like this moment was meant to happen, to finally separate us for good. She did say that we should stop chasing each other and leave one another alone. Sure it hurt, but I was the one who brought it up in the first place, so I couldn't be mad at her.

I could tell that Amity was mad at me, from her tone and the expressions she had around me. She made it clear that she was mad at me, that she hated me. What I didn't understand is why she didn't like Zander. Was she jealous that I found a friend after telling her to leave me alone? Or was there something I didn't know?

The walk home was slow and painful. I didn't want to get home yet because I knew what was coming. An hour from now is my first therapist appointment and I was deathly scared. Maybe seeing Eda and King would help me, I just needed to hug them and know that everything was going to be okay. I was probably thinking too much about this whole therapy thing.

"Mom! Please tell me that therapy isn't as bad as I'm thinking." Once I was inside the house, I felt relief wash over me. Eda came rushing out to see me soaking wet as my clothes dripped on the wooden floor.

"Sweety, what the heck happened? Why are you soaking wet?" She didn't even answer my question with the amount of concern she had. Her eyes were furrowed as she grabbed my face to look at me in the eyes. She would know I'm lying just by looking at my eyes.

"Something happened between me and Amity, we basically screamed at each other in the rain. Hence why I'm drenched in rain water." Eda's face fell as I told her what happened, she doesn't even know all that happened yesterday with Amity.

"It seems like Amity is coming back into your life, is everything okay?" I shook my head as I felt myself choke on tears. I was definitely not okay, with all this guilt, sadness, and anger.

"I don't know what to do, mom. How do I get over her when she keeps coming around me?" I let a couple tears fall, not being able to hold them back. I know Eda was beyond concerned about me and this didn't help.

"I wish I was able to help but the only thing I can say is to do whatever your heart says. Talk to your therapist about this today, maybe she will be a greater help." I could tell that she hated that she didn't know how to help and that tore me apart. She shouldn't have to help me with my problems, that's why she got a therapist for me.

"Which is where we should be headed now, right?" Eda nodded and we both walked out to the car. I didn't know what to feel right now. I was scared of course, but I also was excited to get there and release all this pain I was feeling. There was a part of me that thought I would be too broken for the therapist to even help me.

I looked out the window as we drove away from our house, watching the trees pass by quickly. When I was a kid, I used to look out the window and point out all the things that were beautiful. I haven;t done that in years, mostly because I was more mature but also because that part of me was gone. I guess that's another thing I needed to talk about.

I dreaded the moments as we drove by building after building. We passed by Amity's house which almost made me spiral into thinking about her all over again, but I stopped myself. I needed to save that for when my therapist asked me about Amity.

"Here we are." Eda pulled into a parking lot in front of a white building.It seemed to be only one level but large in width. I couldn't believe this was actually happening.

"Wow, this is really happening, isn't it?" I looked over at my mom, with a scared expression. She patted my shoulder and rested her hand on mine. She gave me an encouraging yet stern look.

"You can do this Luz, I know you can. Just go in there and I'll see you in about an hour." I took a deep breath and nodded. Giving her a smile, I opened the car door and jumped out.

Once her car was out of sight, I walked up to the metal door and stood there for a few seconds. Panic started to rise in my chest once again but I heard my mom's encouragement and pushed the big doors open. I felt a rush of a whole variety of emotions as I walked in. A girl with long red hair approached me and that's when anxiety hit me hard, this was the stranger that I was going to talk to about all my feelings. This was absolutely terrifying.