Recklessly (Lumity)

Chapter Twenty - Love Hurts

Amity's P.O.V

It's been two days, two whole days since I kissed Luz and I regret it more than anything else. The look on her face was pure anger and confusion, I could see it written in her expression. I wanted so badly to take it all back but I couldn't and here I am, doing my best to avoid her, to avoid confrontation. If I even look her way she might start throwing questions at me about what that kiss meant exactly. To me, that kiss meant that I have strong feelings for her.

Thankfully I had therapy today which would help me rant my feelings out about this whole thing. Alexa has helped me through so much and it's only been a couple weeks since I started therapy. I've known her since I was young, she always did her best to look out for me with the terrible family I have. One day she just approached me and asked if I needed therapy with all that was going on in my life and I happily accepted.

Once I started therapy I noticed someone else, Luz, she went to therapy too. Not only that but she goes the same day that I do. I had a million questions on why she went, probably because of me. I'm sure my name has come up trillions of times, telling her therapist how hard I've made her life. I can't say anything though, I've brought Luz up so many times too because she's driven me crazy!

"Amity," I looked over to the voice, seeing Andrea smirking at me with a devilish grin, "Are you sad because your girlfriend won't talk to ya?" Her eyes glanced over to Luz, she was referring to Luz as my girlfriend.

"Shut up Andrea." I felt my whole face go red in embarrassment, tearing my head away from her direction and focusing on the teacher. I couldn't help but look up at Luz as she stuck her tongue out in concentration. A small giggle escaped my lips and some people turned towards me, confused.

I coughed awkwardly and looked down at my book, my heart beating fast. I hated the way she made me feel, the way she made my heart beat faster, the way she made my whole body light up like electricity shot through me. Some people would say this is a great feeling, and it is, but I hate that good feeling. I don't know how to be in love. The only person I've dated is Ember and that went down in flames because she went behind my back, and Zander...well we didn't really date but he's a whole nother story.

"You know, you're pretty obvious about how you feel towards Luz." Andrea's annoying voice interrupted my thoughts once again. I rolled my eyes as I turned to her, giving off a sigh to show how annoyed I was by her.

"I kissed her so yeah, I think it is pretty obvious how I feel." Her eyes widened when I said that and she laughed a bit as if this whole thing was so funny. God, if I could just punch her right now!

"You're kidding right? You kissed a girl, man that's disgusting, and of all the girls you kissed Luz." She laughed some more, drawing Luz's attention which sent me into panic mode. She eyed us suspiciously as I quickly whipped around, not wanting to make any more attention come towards me.

"Amity, hey Amity!" Luz whispered-shouted while reaching over and tapping my shoulder. I felt my stomach tighten in nervousness and my whole body must have been red by now. I didn't know what to do so I just went with my gut, stupid decision.

"Just...uh...leave me alone." My voice seemed so far off from what I wanted, instead of sounding distant and cold, I sounded embarrassed and panicked. I put my hood up to make it final that I wasn't going to talk to her. What was happening to me, what was Luz doing to me?

I wanted to ignore what Andrea said earlier, to just move on and let her laugh all she wanted but I couldn't. The words she said to me, haunted me as the day passed by. So I did something stupid. I let the boiling anger in my chest get to me by giving her a piece of my mind. All I needed to do was find her after school and see what my stupid actions do from there.

"Andrea!" Seven feet ahead of me, the black haired girl whipped around and glared at me. Each step I took was full of anger and hatred, my fists closed up, and my eyes bore into hers.

"Ugh, what do you want, Amity?" She spit out my name like poison and crossed her arms as that would make me back down. Nothing was going to stop me from giving her a good ol' talk.

"You think it's so funny that I kissed Luz? That was probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life because she doesn't feel the same, so keep your stupid giggles and laughs to yourself because this situation is anything but funny!" It felt as if flames were coming off of me as I yelled out my anger. Some people crowded around us and others could care less about what two dumb teenagers had to say.

"Listen, Amity, what you're feeling for Luz isn't love. After all, this is just a phase, sweety." I scoffed, not believing what she just said. I backed away from her a couple steps and shook my head furiously.

"Why didn't you treat me this way when I was dating Ember? She's a girl too, so what's up with that?" Her face dropped, shocked by my sudden question. I'll bet she doesn't know how to answer that because she's just a real jerk.

"Because I didn't know you two were dating." That's a lie, I remember all the times she looked at us kissing and quickly looked away. She probably was just scared of Ember coming after her.

"Yeah sure, let's go with that, Andrea" It was my turn to spit out her name like poison. I walked away, leaving her to mumble and groan to herself, not realizing how many people just watched us yell at each other stupidly.

I threw my backpack onto the ground as I entered the house, earning my mom's attention. Her eyes were shiny and red as if she had been crying and for some reason, I wanted to just break down crying and run into her arms. The way she looked at me with concern and sadness made her seem like an actual human being instead of a person dad controls.

"Why does love hurt, mom?" I choked on tears as I asked, causing her mouth to fall open in shock. I didn't care if she started beating me up or started yelling at me, I just desperately wanted to know the answer.

"I don't know why it hurts, Amity, I'm so sorry it does though." She shifted in her seat and opened her arms, "You don't have to hug me, I'll understand if you don't want to but you're always welcome into my arms."

Something inside of me shattered, like as if I was free from something. Maybe it was the fact that my mom was calling me by my actual name or it was because she was showing her true self for once.

Ripping my body away from the front door, I ran towards my mom and gripped her with my arms. There were so many emotions built up that I cried for an hour, just staying in my moms arms as a million tears poured down my face. I felt hurt, in pain, from how badly I wanted Luz to feel the same way. Why couldn't she just kiss me back and love me the way I love her?