~Anxiety~Christian Akridge AKA Christian Leave (fanfict)

Chapter 3

Those 2 long weeks of school went by and before I knew it, I was getting dressed and ready for the meet and greet. My moms and Casey's mom let us skip school for the day.
2 weeks haven't prepared me for this. A month couldn't either. It would take me about 3 months to prepare for this. As I get ready I am shaking. I have to dress warm. I pull on a thick pair of light washed jeans (not the same ones I wore earlier that I hated) then I took a long look at the shirts hanging in my closet. I decide on a plain white flowy shirt that I can pair with a a cream colored scarf. The sleeves only come half way down my arm, so I take out an army green jacket and put it on. Then I put on some cream colored leg warmers and light combat boots. I look at my outfit in the mirror. Wow. I actually like what I am wearing, I don't have anything to change!
I do my normal makeup routine like everyday and curl my hair in loose curls that rest around my scarf. I look at my face in the mirror. I see the girl I see every morning when I look in the mirror. But this time, she looks a little more happy. I still have an hour till I have to go. Then I remember something I was thinking about doing for 2 weeks now.
For those 2 weeks I was thinking about writing Christian a note and telling him about me. Not like my favorite color but, my problems. I will never see him again after today and I really want him to know that when I am sad, I watch his vines, and then I am happier. I sit down at my desk and pull out a blank sheet of paper and a pen and start writing.
Dear Christian,
My name is Kayla Riley and there is something I think you should know about me. Well first of all, I am a really big fan of you and I have seen all your vines. Also, I am in no way writing this to you to get your attention or pity and this is all true. I really just want to tell you because I think you deserve to know, and you deserve a thank you. So anyways, here's my problem. About a year ago I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety. If you don't know what that is its when your panicked and worries about attending social events. Later, I was diagnosed with OCD, Eating Disorders, and depression. I can't leave the house in the morning until everything about me is on point. I wake up two hours before I have to leave to I have time for this. If there's something wrong with my outfit or hair or makeup, I constantly think about it until I fix it. My weight has also caused me many problems. I can't live up to my own standards so I starve myself. Usually for two days in a row then I eat something small every once in a while. And lastly depression. Seeing other girls happy with their body and going out with their boyfriends having no problems makes me sad. I don't think there is any hope for me to love myself let alone have a boyfriend or anyone love me. I feel alone. Like no one else knows what I am going through. Just so you know, I am getting help for this and I have been getting help for a while. I am still not cured yet and I am very far from it. Please don't pity me for this. I also owe you a thank you. Watching you on vine makes me so happy. You're the one that can make me smile when no one else can. You're playing a huge part in my recovery. I just wanted to thank you for that.
-Kayla

I fold the note up and slip it into my pocket. I go downstairs and my mom is sitting at the kitchen table drink her coffee. "Hey Sweetie",she smiles, "Are you excited?"
"Yeah" I simply answer with a smile.
"How about some breakfast?" She offers with a smile. How about no?
I see the look on her face. She really wants me to eat. "Fine," I grunt and sit down as she pours me a bowl of cereal. As I bring each spoonful to my mouth my mom is staring at me. It makes me feel uncomfortable, weird. "Do you mind?" I ask.
"What?" She asks, confused. "You don't have to stare at me while I am eating food. I am ganna eat it so stop it" I scowl. She turns her head back down to her coffee "sorry,"
I finish the bowl of cereal and brush my teeth again. Casey's mom is driving us and she picks me up. I get into the car and Casey is in there too. The drive was about an hour. A long nerve-racking hour. We pull up to a big building and there are hundreds of girls walking around the parking lot.
They are all walking around in crop tops despite the weather. I could never wear a crop top. Never. We park the car and get out. Casey's mom is just dropping us off and picking us up. We walk into the building and redeem our tickets. Then we get into this big line that we can't even see the front of.
Girl are walking around screaming of excitement. I can't bring myself to scream, I don't want that attention. As we get closer and closer to the front of the line I see him. I see Christian. I can't find it in myself to scream but my heart rate is fast and I feel a rush of adrenaline. Girls all around me and screaming and so is Casey. I shouldn't be here. I don't deserve this. Why did I show up? As the line in front of me get shorter and shorter I feel more and more anxious. Before I know it, I am standing in the front of the line. Casey has my phone to take pictures of me and Christian. "Next" the security guard yells. I slowly walk up to Christian, shaking. "Hey!" He smiles and give me a hug. Damn he smells good. His muscular arms wrap around my waist. No. I don't want to be held there. "H-Hi," I stutter and quickly escape his hug. "Woah are you ok?" He asks. "y-yeah I am fine," I say. "Ok, um Let's take some pictures," he smiles. "Can I Kiss you?," he says. My heart stops. "W-what?"
"Can I Kiss you on the cheek and we will take a picture of it?" he smiles again. "Oh ok" I say. "Wait hold on," he says.
"SECURITY LOOK OVER THERE!" He yells and points to the left of us. within seconds security guards are running into that direction. "Now!" He turns around wraps his arm around my waist again and kisses me on he cheek. Casey takes a picture of it. Girls all around are screaming. Christian smiles and looks me in the eyes. "I am not allowed to do that," I see him blush. "Sorry false alarm" he yells back to the security guard. "Can I pick you up?" He asks, "for a picture"
Oh crap. "I don't think tha-"
"C'mon!" Already wrapping his arms around me "jump" he orders. "Fine".
I feel my heart racing. I take one last deep break before jumping into his arms. I feel his hands on my thigh move up around my back. He holds me close to him. He is holding me. "Now put your forehead against mine" he says. "O-okay" I do as he says. We both look down as our foreheads are touching. Casey takes the picture and I jump down. I almost land on a pile of paper on the floor. Paper. My note! "Ok next!" The security guard yells. "Bye Beautiful," he says and gives me a hug. "Wait I have something to give to you," I say and pull the note out of my pocket. I place the folded paper in his hand. "it's a note I wanted to give to you, you dot have to read it, I figured you wouldn't want to anyw-"
"Of course I will read it" he says putting the note into his pocket. He hugs me one last time before I walk up to Casey, past that pile of papers. I realize that those are all fan letters. Why didn't he put mine in the pile and put it into his pocket? I take pictures of her with Christian. They take a picture of him holding Casey bridal style and him dipping her like in the tango dance. When they are done we go into a room with a stage platform. We are pretty close to the front. During the 30 minutes of waiting I look through the pictures Casey took. Why did Christian want to kiss me? I have never seen any pictures of him with a fan where they put their foreheads together like we did. I stare at the picture of Christian holding me. I don't see the same girl I saw this morning in the mirror. This girl looks happier. I liked this girls. I wish I got to see more of her.