host family II ; jack gilinsky

seventeen

lunas pov

silence. thats all i hear as i sit with my thoughts on what to do about jack. danny got home shortly after his fathers visit and ive been hiding in the bathroom while he cooks dinner. danny is the most understanding and gentle man ive ever met. so why is it so hard for me to sit down and have this conversation with him? 

maybe because this is a reoccurring subject that i promised was over when i came back last time. and to be fair, i thought it was, i really did. i had almost forgotten about jack and his crazy life until his past came to bite me in the ass, again. 

"luna?" i hear danny yell from the kitchen. "dinners ready baby." i hear him shuffling around, probably preparing my plate because thoughtful is another word that definitely fits his description. 

i get up from my place on the tile floor and head toward the kitchen. "everything okay?" he asks as he sets our plates down on the table. "yeah fine, just a little tired thats all." i try to fake a smile in attempt to hide whats really on my mind. 

"listen, i uh actually need to talk to you about something." i squeak out as we both take our seats. he doesn't look the least bit worried as he gives me a reassuring look to continue. "i don't really know how to start this conversation, again."

i dont even want to look at him right now. like i said, he's understanding so what i don't understand is why i'm so nervous. 

"i hope this isn't you backing out of our wedding. i already sent out the invites." he laughs, completely opposite of the emotions i'm displaying. part of me is relieved he's so nonchalant, maybe this conversation won't be as bad as i thought.

"no no, nothing like that." i manage to make out without a single shake in my voice. "its uh, its actually about jack."

this is when his facial expression visibly changes. he looks up from his plate as worry starts to rush into his eyes. "i didn't exactly plan on having a conversation about your ex boyfriend tonight. or really ever again. i thought that when you left california last time, you were going to leave him with it."

i don't even know what to say. he's right, and i know it. this shouldn't even be a discussion; but for some reason every time it comes to jack i go against ever moral fiber in my body telling me to stay away.

danny knows that a part of me will always love him. i gave him a piece of me that he never returned. he carries it with him every single day and i can physically feel the ache from the missing part in my heart. danny does what he can to fill it, and for the most part he has. but he knows he will never be jack, no matter how much he wants to.

and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. jack wasn't good for me. danny is. and no matter how hard he tries, i don't want him to be jack. i left jack for something better, and going to someone exactly like him isn't what i had in mind. 

"listen luna, if you can't leave him in your past, then i don't think i can have a future with you. i've been so understanding every time something has happened to him and i've waited for you for so long. i was there every night when you were crying so hard you couldn't breathe. i was there when you couldn't even get out of bed to shower. i was there to nurse your heart and i understood when you weren't ready for a relationship. look at how much we've built together. we're about to get married for christ sake!" he shouts exasperated. 

his words take me by surprise and even cause me to jump a little. i don't really know what kind of reaction i was expecting, but it wasn't this. 

"im sorry, i didn't mean to yell." he sighs as he runs his hands through his hair. even when he's upset he's still so kind to me. "i love you, with every bone in my body. and you know i would do anything for you. but i can't wait any longer luna. i thought this was over. i thought you had finally chosen me. if you can't let him go, then ill let you go."

i dont even manage to get a word in as he scoops up his plate and places it in the sink. we weren't even five minutes into dinner and i literally ran him away. i guess i can't blame him though, i would be tired of me too.

i can't do this to him. not again. sorry jack, but you can't be my first priority anymore.

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would you guys hate me if she doesn't end up w jack :/