Athena

Self Destruction

    I've called Vegas every day for the last week. I've called his office and he was either not in or busy. It's like his avoiding me, but he said he would fix this. How is this him fixing it, he broke my family, took away Allys love, and left me..... empty ..... Alone.

I've barely left my room and when I do its because Ally makes me, she doesn't smile or laugh. All she does is cook and feed us, it's like shes living on autopilot. Atleast back when we were young she would fake it for me but now shes not even trying. The only man she trusted was taken way, her best friend, the man than help her heal was forcefully and blindly taken away. And she doesn't know why.

  I've also tried to call Ruben but his been busy no time to come see his bestfriend I guess, so like I said before I've lost it all, everything I had is gone out of reach out of sight as if it was never there in the first place. Jamie stopped by 2 times that I know of and both times he's been beaten by Ally. The first time I was shocked I wasnt expecting it I didnt think she could do it but she did. He lost all her respect, we still dont fully know what happened and we had theories that have now flown out the window because how does Alpha come into this picture. Why would they arrest him and not us? I guess I'll never truly know.

Alpha calls almost everyday. He has Ally put him on speaker so that Kay-Kay can hear his voice. He has asked to speak to me but I cant, I cant seem to reach out for the phone and on the occasion I do I cant seem to bring it to my ear so I just stopped trying and listening. He knew this was gonna happen and didn't give her a heads up, he knew what was coming and when and he let her live through all that. He might have completely broken her, they might have broken us.

Two more weeks.

  I've develop a routine. I wake up eat play with Kay-Kay so that Ally can have some alone time and then eat again. By 5 I'm on my phone trying to find someone that wants or needs a night out and that's where I'm at now.

Standing infront a red door that leads into the house of a Mr. Long Wood I know, I know, what kind of name is that? Well it's not. Mr. Long Wood is some one that messaged me tonight wanting to hang out.

Yesterday it was Magic Mad, Thursday was Frank N' Beans,
Wednesday Milkman and the list goes on. I've been tied up, slapped, spit on, bruised, bent in different ways, unexplainable ways, but the one thing I haven't been able to do is get Kenny out of my head, so why am I still doing this well because its my only escape. My hand rises and forms a fist before it start pounding on the red door.

Its quiet for a few seconds but then it creaks open and a green eyed blonde guy stands before me. Well I guess it's better than nothing. I walk in not waiting for an invitation and he closes and locks the door behind him. He leads the way up a flight of stairs and into a dimly light room his either setting the mood or hiding the mess but either way I'm not affected by it. I turn around and his standing there just looking at me.

"Hi, my name is"

"I really dont care are we gonna do this or not?" He nods his head and hesitantly walks towards me as if he didnt know what he was supposed to do. I pull him in and let him kiss me, theres a first time for everything.

His hands messily roam my body and I cant help but feel that this is so wrong, but it always is. It always feels off. I undress myself not wanting to waste anymore time and then him not really asking for his permission, but he didnt protest or show any sings of distress. I shove him on the bed and begin to pump his member while I kiss down his neck and chest to then come back up again. I am not under any circumstances putting any strangers cock in my mouth. By the time I'm done with my journey and reach his lips his as straight as it'll get and I ask him for a condom. He reaches his arm to the nightstand and pulls out the little silver square and hands it over to me I rip it open and am met with a glowing blue ruber.

I look back up at him and he smiles inocently.

"How old are you?" I ask not really sure this is in anyway legal.

"24 why?" I raise my eyebrow at him and look back at the condom, he might be lying but I asked. I roll it on him and position myself, his hands fall on my waist and as soon as I beging to decend his fingers start to dig into my skin.

I ride him for a while not really enjoying it but finding that for a little bit my mind is no longer on how messed up I am, how I ruined everything and how it's my fault that Alpha is no longer at home with his family but locked up.

I guess my not thinking wasn't really working for him because in a matter of seconds he removed himself from me, layed me in the bed ass up in the air and aggressively rammed into me making me Yelp in pain. He slaps my ass a couple of times earning moan out of me. He pulls out and his fingers kneed at me ass before his hand comes back down a couple of times he pulls my hair back and again rams into me with no remorse his so rough that at some point I question if this was a good idea but my body reacts to every single thing he does to me his other hand comes around me and his finger pull on my nipple making me bite down on my lip trying to keep my cries of pleasure in, he runs the palm of his hand down my body and lightly slaps my pussy making my legs begin to shake,well he probably isn't lying after all, he moves to straighten up and pushes his hand on my back down commanding me to drop my chest back on the bed and I do so. His fingernail dig on to the sking of my back and he drags them down causing a sting that let's me know I'm definitely bleeding. But that doesn't dim the pleasure im feeling. He bends over my body and sinks his teeth into my shoulder making me cry out with out releasing my shoulder his hand goes down and start to rub on my clit in soothing circles making my attention move from the pain on my shoulder to the ecstasy in between my legs.

  I scream and squirm under his touch, his punishment, his brutality until there is nothing left but to let go. I cum hard but he doesn't stop he becomes more aggressive, more relentless his hand wraps around my neck and he squeezed  so hard I thought I was going to pass out. He grunts and his movements become sloppy, his dick twitches inside me and then he drops onto my body resting his whole body weight on me. I try to move but when its imposible I elbow him making him roll of me and on to the bed.

  I get up without saying anything and get dressed.

"Can I see you again." No, you may not see me again.

I shake my head and go for my shoes only successfully finding one. He keeps asking questions that I completely ignore trying to find that God Damn shoe but nothing.

How can it not be in here. I decide that I dont trully need it and leave the house not waiting for him to escort me out or saying bye. I make my way down the road barefoot, empty and in no way pleased with myself.

I arrive at the house sure I was looking like a mess but I'm also sure Ally is used to it, with a throbbing pain on my shoulder I decide that a shower would be best before bed. I walk toward the room but stop on my way the sound of crying coming from Kay-Kays room drawing me in, I stop by the door that was opend just enough for me to see Ally on the rocking chair with Kaedy in her arms. Ally crying softly as if not to disturb Kaedys sleep and whispering into the air.

"He'll be back baby, I promise, daddy will be back. He loves you very much. He love us with all his heart sweetheart, he would never intentionally abandon us. He was taken away but he will be back, he promised, he has to come back."

I couldnt listed to her anymore and headed to my room. I lock the door behind me discard my clothing and head onto the bathroom I grab my kit and turn on the shower with the water as hot as it gets, I step in and sit. With out shedding a single tear, with out so much as a wince I start to drag the blade over my thighs over and over again first my left leg then my right leg when I had no more room I moved to my hip I've never done it there but I deserve it, I deserve this and more. I start to dig the blade in as deep as i can wanting to scream and cry out, wanti.g to release all this pent up feelings but I dont because I deserve to feel this way, after a couple of times I moved to my other side and repeat the process when I can no longer fisicaly take the pain I stop and just lay ther looking at the ceiling watching the fog grow heavy my hands are shaking and I want to scream so badly but i cant. I cant keep doing this. I can't keep burdening her, bringing her pain and suffering, she deserves better. I rest my back to the wall allowing the feeling of calmness take over my body. I let the heaviness of my eyes win the battle I so shamefully did not in any way fight and lay on the floor to rest. Hopefully this makes it better.

I hope your proud of me Dad.

I hope your watching and are happy with who I am and what I've done.