Athena

Momma

Alright ladies and gentlemen, prepare for the water works and horrible writing.

Hope you enjoy, remember to comment and vote. Let me know what you think.

 Its been days, weeks, it's been a whole month and we've heard nothing. Ally isn't the same, it's like shes lost some part of her, shes giving up and it's all because of me.  I cant keep doing this, I cant keep making her go through all that I've put her through and more.

  She doesn't deserve what I've done and am doing  to her, she has done and been nothing but loving and supportive and I've done nothing but help in the breaking her. In The damaging, I've ruined one of the highers creation, I've bruised, scarred and chipped away at the beautiful painting, the drywall and the foam of her interior.

I've help with the destruction of an amazing human being, I created one of the people that I so much hate. Or claim to at least, and now, now I have to fix it and the only way to do it is to stop it all and as much as I wish I could do this alone, I know that I wont be strong enough. Six years of hidding, six years of faking, of messing up, of doing nothing but bad, of being a burden would be enough, added to everything else she'll probably be the queen in her next life where ever that would lead her. And she deserves it and I know she'll be nothing but Just and Loving because that's who she is, she'll love more the mother image she reflects when she's worried or overly excited. Those moment I cherish very very much.

But for now I have to take care of this. I redressed myself after a shower to calm my nerves a bit before it all once again is crumbled further down and bent over to grab my Kit. Runing my hand over the soft lid to the small cardboard box. Well my second Kit I'm sure Vegas toke care of the first. I take in a harsh breath and make my way out of the room of her home and down the steps. Making a wide U turn I head towards the kitchen, it's where shes been spending most of her time.

"Mesperyian" I let out in a small voice, shes leaning over the sink her shoulders are slouched and her frame seems so broken I'm scared that if I do this now she'll lose what ever is left of her.

"I need your help." To that her head flies up, shoulders scare up, back straight and she turns, a determined look on her tear stained face. Her read puffy eyes show nothing but determination and I feel selfish for doing this now when she is at her worst.

But her baby needs her and shes ready for war if need be. I place the box on the countertop in between us and push it towards her. I'm ready to let go and actually find a way to fix what ever it is I created. I'm ready to let her be who she has been wanting to be for my whole life. My mother, she steps closer and opens the box she looks at me waiting for an explanation and I tell her what it is, where I got it, why I started and most importantly why I want to finish. The expression on her face shifts every other sentence, determination turns to confusion, disappointment, anger and then theres hope, admiration, love and then guilt.

She sits on one of the stools and places her head in her hands her shoulder start to shake and I know she some how found a way to blame herself.

"Its not you fault Ally, he was sick, he lost his mind the day our mother died. And he blamed me for what happen. I should have told you but you were already going through so much Ally. I didnt know what else to do so I just let him do it, Ally I could have hidden somewhere else, I could have told you, I could have gone with you to the store but I felt like that was my way of helping you. If he hadn't come after me he would have gone after you I wasnt gonna let him do that." I say now crying trying to make her see that it wasnt her fault.

"But it wasn't your job Lana, it was mine!." She yells while looking at me. "It was my job to take care of you! I thought you were safe, I thought I was taking care of you the best way i could, I thought they hadn't gotten to you! I failed you! I failed to see my baby was in pain! I should have noticed," she pauses for a minute looking me up and down as if she had just realized something. "is that why you started using long pants? Oh God it was, wasn't it? I did notice, I saw the change, I saw you coward away from me, close up to me. I saw it in your eyes, and I chose to ignore the sings. I thought it was the teenage hormones I thought you were about to get your period. Omg I'm such a failure as a sister, as a mother."

She gets up and comes around to hold me, I rest my head on her shoulder and I let her soothe herself holding me. I cry not because she failed me but because I failed us, I should have told her, she would have helped, we would have left that place sooner. She wouldn't have gone through half the shit she did. I could have saved us. But was there ever something to safe, were we in anyway valuable or important to someone other than ourselves and each other, yeah we are, we are irreplaceable, overvalued and an anchor for each other. We dont need to worry about what others think or want, all we need is each other.

"I'm sorry mom, I'm so sorry for not coming to you, for not telling you, for thinking it was best to just keep it to myself. I'm so sorry, I need you momma, I dont know how to stop."

Her hand starts to move up and down my back while she holds me close to her, close enough to make anyone think we are just one person, and we might aswell be at this point.

"Its ok baby, you were just a kid. Thank you for telling me now. I'm so sorry I didnt see it sooner, but I'm here for you I will help in anyway. I promise you are my priority, I will never let you go through anything alone, ever, I got you baby girl. I, got, you." She says and starts to rock us side to side allowing me to cry on her shoulder while gripping at the back of her shirt. My sobs are loud, the loudest I've ever let out, I let my heart and soul release everything I have been keeping in to myself. I let her warmth wrap around me and comfort me like its supposed to. She sshh's me and tells me how proud she is that I came to her, how strong I am for telling her, how she knows it most have been really hard and apologises for not noticing to wich I shake my head. I hear the front door open and close and footsteps coming our way but even after I try to pull away she doesn't let me and my tears dont stop, so I sink further into her inbrace hiding from who ever just walked in, hiding from my past from our present and from the world, in her arms I  let what ever is left out.

"I'm so sorry Ally, you and Kevin are going through all this because of me. I'm the one to blame, I'm so sorry. I promise I'll fix it. But please, please dont leave me. I need you momma, I need you so much!" I yell into her chest but it comes out muffled some how we ended up on the floor, with me in between her legs and her cradling me in her arms. It's been so long since shes held me like this that I cant help but drink it in. Soon my tears stop and theres nothing but loud intakes of breaths coming from me and Allys sweet words filling the otherwise silent room. She reassures me time and time again that she wont ever leave me but I cant bring myself to letting her shirt go or opening my eyes.

"Can one of you please help me get her in bed?" She says to some one but I dont look up. I tightened my grip on her letting her know I dont want her to let me go. My eyes water again and I start to shake with the fear of being removed from her inbrace.

"Ssshhhh, its ok baby, I'm just gonna get you some hot chocolate and I'll come lay with you in bed ok. I'm not going anywhere." She says and I nod my head, I feel arms go under my knees and around my back and then her warmth is taken away from me I feel nothing but alone, my head lands on a muscled chest and my hands immediately latch on to the fabric that acts like a second skin of  the person now carrying me. My eyes open In an attempt to figure out who is acting as a replacement to Ally but as soon as they open they water again wich makes it impossible for me to recognize my human ride up the stairs. I almost give up but then he allows me that extra bit of comfort by speaking.

"Its all gonna be ok Lana, He fixed it love. Your family is going to be just fine." Vegas, his here, he fixed it. But now we have to fix me.

  And I dont really know if there is anything worth fixing, I'd give my life to know if I will be wasting these peoples time, if this is just me trying to once again get attention. I wish I knew what ever it is I want or need but right now I'm worried about what's best for them and me getting better is best for all of us. I dont want to lose Ally and she said she doesn't want to lose me. I've done nothing but cause pain and this is a step foward to causing something different. To creating something better. To change, to morph, to be who I've always wanted to be.

  But first, first I allow myself to grieve,  to feel, to cry. And tomorrow or in a week, when ever I'm done with this stage of my change I'll stand tall and do my best to finally walk my talk and be who I've been wanting to been for so long.

  Soon I'll be able to move past everything that was holding me down, let go of all my past. But for now I forgive myself and then I forgive them.

Two more chapters and we are done!

I want to cry! I really enjoyed writing from Argenas perspective.