Athena

Mythomania

  I've heard or read about mythomania, it's a disorder a sickness. It's when a person compulsively or habitually lies.

It's what Ally and I have been doing our whole lives. Lying, whether it's to keep ourselves or each other safe or to hide what we've been going through. You know how a parent tells there kid to not lie about anything? Yeah, well not my case. Since my first day of school Ally had me lying or as she called it back then protecting the truth. What truth was there to protect? None. We were protecting her, from going into the foster system, from living on the streets, from going into another abusive invierment.

But I sometimes catch myself thinking maybe it would have been better for her, maybe she would have gotten out of there before having to go through what she did. Maybe she could have had a normal life or in someway better then this. She wouldnt have to have killed them because even if she doesn't show it I can see it every now and then. The pain off what she did, the fear of being caught, the self punishment wich she does not deserve.

Yeah she might not have meet Kevin or found Jamie. But there was a slight chance that Reaper wouldn't have found her. That she wouldn't have gone through it again. Because if you really think about it this lifestyle is why he found her. Some one must have seen her and reported back to him, a picture, video, maybe even her own friends innocently outed her. But there is no other way for him to have found her. Maybe our bigger fish is the one who gave her up, who knows?

  We might never really know, and it wont ever be important because it's a chapter that she can now move on from.  Maybes are never enough. Why live chasing a maybe when we should be living to fix our now, and our now is figuring out what is really going on. Who this person is and how our lifes connect, because at some point it most have. I know Ally isn't perfect but she keped to her self for years, shes pushed everyone away trying to work on overcoming everything shes been through, only people that may have wanted to hurt her should be dead and if there families knew about her they wouldn't only target her but the MC, so what or who is really behind all this and why is this person hiding. Again only Jamie can answer our question. I wish it was all easier, that we had all the information we needed to get to the bottom of things but again balance is the key to everything. Needs, wants, love, hate, it all has to be balanced because if it's not all it will bring is pain and destruction sometimes dressed in the form of a blessing or disguised in something good to then brake every piece of you slowly wich is worst.

Kevin hasn't gotten back to us with an answer yet and he was meant to be here today, an hour ago, but we guess something came up. We are giving him an extra 2 hours to see if he was delayed or if he calls with an explanation as to why his late or why his not answering his phone. Ally has gone in to full protection mode, she called the rest of the guys from the MC having them bring there family home and initiated lock down. Until some one hears from them and if in the next 2 hours there is no sing of him, her and the rest of the guys are taking a trip down to Jamie's MC to and I quote bring hell to them motherfuckers and bring Alpha home.

I've seen Ally pissed, worried and maybe even nervous but I've never seen this. She's calm, to calm. It's like being in the middle of a storm, you know what's going on around you and you know its gonna hit at some point but your not really sure when. In less words I guess I'm trying to say its scary. I knew she cared for him but I also knew she has her doubts well had, I guess she passed the not so sure  stage any more. Now her man might need her and shes ready to dive in head first no questions asked. She has thought about all of it. If they are FBI and they are holding them shes gonna have to do some really illegal shit. And shes ready for it shes planned all of it, she even asked if I could keep Kay-Kay if things go south, and I didnt have the heart to say no. How could I she did it for me she accepted me, took care of me, raised me and she didnt have a say in the matter. She is atleast asking me as if I would say no all she has to do is hand her over with a bag and I will do my best for her to be more than what I am. Because Ally deserves everything.

  I dont really know how long it's been since she heard from Kevin and to be honest I'm not really sure his in trouble but if he is then Vegas might be aswell and even Jamie I know I shouldn't be worrying about what might be happening to them two but I cant help it.

  I need to get my mind off of this I need to relax. I walk up the stairs to the room that was assigned to me by the club, its a descent size, plain but comfortable the only bad thing is its secluded and has thick walls and I can't really hear anything and you know how much I hate the silence. It brings back those memories, the ones of me in the closet and there really only is one way to not feel. There really only is one way for me to relax and that's exactly what I've been doing and what in gonna do now. One of the guys had left his pocket knife laying around the other day and I happend to walk by it and just pick it up.

    It wast pretty, or new but it did the job, I get the shower runing and discard all of my clothing. Stepping into the shower I let the water run down my hair and body allowing me to feel in a small way surrounded by warmth. It may not be the one I'm looking for but it helps a little. I open my eyes and look at the blade in my hands doubt settles in me for a few seconds like always I go back to thinking if Ally found out she wouldn't be very happy. But she really wouldn't be happy about alot of the things I've done so this isn't really something I should be worried about.

     I sit in the tub with the water pouring on my legs . I bring the blade to my inner thigh and before I can stop my self I press down and slowly move my hand up leaving the small but effective cut that allows my blood to slowly leak out of me. I repeat my action 3 more times alternating between legs and then I lay back, my mind pulls me to Vegas. That sexy man shirtless looking pissed in his room after I kicked out his female companion. My hand trails a path from my chest down my abdomen to the valley between my legs and I slowly start to massage my clitoris gently adding a little more pressure and moving my hand a little faster until I find myself inserting a finger then two and pumping myself to my climax. Draining the last bit of energy I had left in me, I start to feel myself drifting away into my subconscious but the sound of my phone keeping me from completely giving in for a few minutes I hear it ring then it stops to start back up again. I want to bring myself to getting up and answering it but I'm not really trying to reach for it, deciding that it can wait that the person that is calling me can always just leave me a message I let go to the last bit of tenacity left in me, I let my self nod off into my dream land hopping that Vegas and the guys are alright.

  And that if they aren't Ally makes it there in time. Because if they aren't and it turns out that my theory was correct I don't know if I will be able to stop Ally from going after who ever it is that is trying to hurt our family.

  Not that I would really want to stop her.