Suicidal Todoroki x Midoriya | What it Means to Love

12 | Unforgivable

Shoto Todoroki

Opening my leaden eyelids, my bleary eyes take in the hefty world around me. I'm being shaken awake by none other than Midoriya. Ah, that's right, I think as I shift my rusted limbs to sit upright. That nightmare... I have more important things to fret over. My entire body feels heavy, but I still feel a sharp, tingling numbness scratching at the left half of it.

"Shoto? Hey... The final event is going to start in an hour," Midoriya whispers to me. He was not waking me from a nightmare? "Y-You're the only one not awake yet." I lift my head to face him, and I see that he's been bandaged up.

"I see. Thank you, Izuku." I slowly pull myself to my feet, and I'm handed a handful of small bear-shaped candies from Recovery Girl. She explains that they'll help me to recover, so I force myself to eat them. Once I do, however, my stomach begins to protest.

Midoriya puts his arm on my left shoulder. "K-Kacchan said he wanted to talk to you. Umm, I can bring you to him." I nod and walk beside Midoriya through an endless crowd of people here to watch the sports festival come to a close.

"Whoa! Is that Midoriya? And Todoroki?" I hear someone shout out, soon running towards us. It turns out to be a young girl, likely around eight or nine years old. "You guys were so cool! It was like watching an action movie!" However bright and warming her smile might be, it has no effect on me.

Midoriya smiles at her like a puppy staring at a treat. "Th-Thank you!" He kneels down and holds his arms out to her, to which the girl walks into with a beatific grin. He hugs the girl and gently lifts her into the air, giving her a quirk twirl around. She's smiling and laughing, just like how I imagine children should look—just like how I remember that I never was after falling as prey to him.

The majority of the people in our general vicinity comment on how adorable this is, how benevolent Midoriya is, or they snap pictures to capture the moment.

When Midoriya sets the girl down, she walks up to me. Does she expect me to perform the same...ritual? Midoriya nods at me, so I hold out my arms and allow the girl to intertwine her small arms with mine. Am I supposed to feel happiness from this? I certainly don't. I lift her up into the air, expressionless as always. But if it is what drives her happiness...

Now the comments begin to don a new morose appearance. The crowding bystanders take pictures regardless, although I don't mind it. The split-second snaps of white bursts are somewhat disorienting and nauseating, but the matter itself is not significant enough for me to muster up the energy to intervene.

"How come you're not smiling?" the girl asks me with the tilt of her head.

I see no reason to. "Would you like me to?" I find myself asking her, which bewilders me since I've never enjoyed children—they remind me of that, and my reprehensible childhood. Damn. Now you've committed, Shoto.

"Uh-huh!"

I want to frown far more than I want to smile. Still, I plaster on a fake, lackluster grin and look her in the eyes.

She laughs with a somewhat irksome, high-pitched voice. "You have a funny smile!"

Once I've set the girl back down onto the pavement, she thanks us and runs back to her mother, who smiles at us.

It would be pleasant to see my own mother smile at me again, I think as I continue following Midoriya, weaving through the empty commotion from the hazy people surrounding us. The only times I can recall smiling like that girl were the times I saw All Might on the TV with Mom...over ten years ago.