Suicidal Todoroki x Midoriya | What it Means to Love

53 | Irreparable Remnants

Shota Aizawa

Shifting his body a bit, Todoroki finally reciprocates an embrace around Aizawa, but the onyx-eyed male can feel the dubiety and recalcitrance in Todoroki's arms. This gesture provokes a jagged twinge of pain to unearth itself from within Aizawa as Todoroki's grip gradually stiffens. Graced by the sensation of hesitant arms belonging to his torpefied student wrapping around his body, Aizawa slowly exhales.

You must be very lonely, Aizawa inwardly sighs to himself now that Todoroki is clinging onto him loosely. A part of you wants to be accepted and understood, but another part of you is the antithesis of that...right? It's hard to cope with the pain, isn't it? The only way you know is destructive to yourself, but I want you to learn not to be dependent on that ever again. The physical and mental scars it leaves heal, but they never fade away entirely. Oh? Todoroki begins to quiver in Aizawa's steadfast grasp as if Aizawa is holding a frightened, abused dog who's lost all trust in humans.

As Todoroki continues to quake, Aizawa slightly tightens his grip around him. The feeble first-year being cradled by his teacher is certainly something Aizawa never anticipated, but he isn't complaining. Seeing his traumatized student sinks a pair of claws into his chest, but finally managing to peer over Todoroki's seemingly impervious, inky barriers bandages the wounds.

You don't like letting anyone in, do you? he inwardly questions. What was it that caused you to swiftly grow acquainted with Midoriya? What happened behind the scenes the day we were in Kyoto? Nonetheless, you can't hide behind those walls forever, kid. I can't say for certain that Midoriya's ingress alone will suffice when I know you still choose to mutilate yourself, you're eating much too little, and you don't feel as though you deserve anything. It's almost as if you're trying to hollow yourself out to a shell that will fade away into nothing.

We're going to help you, Aizawa cogitates, sighing softly at the irreparable remnants of the student he once knew as Shoto Todoroki. I won't let you fall into the same hole as I did when I was your age. As troublesome as you are, I will act as your guardian from the sidelines for now. Carrying the weight of your mind and heart to keep them above your head is a feat that, at this point, you can't carry alone.

For another few seconds, the raven-haired man sits in silence with the miserable mess known as Todoroki. He can't help but pity his student, and he's acutely aware that Todoroki is more than likely either numb to his emotions or that he's only allowing himself to exhibit a minuscule fraction of what's tumultuously thrashing about on the inside. Aizawa's seen his frigid eyes before, but now it's practically impossible to overlook those same detached, unresponsive eyes; it's almost as if those lightless, murky eyes belong to a neglected, timeworn doll.

"Are you cold? Or are you about to cry?" Aizawa's sturdy, candid voice burns through the silence soaked in gasoline. For a while, Todoroki remains silent, and by the time he responds, Aizawa questions the inwardly rotating cogwheels of Todoroki's enigmatic mind. "N-Neither," Todoroki stutters with a monotone voice capitulated to defeat, "but I digress. Might I ask why you are being so kind to me? I certainly do not deserve it. Perhaps I sound ungrateful, but I would prefer if you were to retract the hand you've given me. I do not desire it." Although exceptionally faint, Todoroki's tone transiently oscillates in a flickering flash upon uttering his last sentence.

"Recognizing and accepting that you're loved and valued isn't easy, but depriving yourself of everything will only make this worse," Aizawa whispers swiftly under his breath before providing an answer to Todoroki's queries.

I can't trust you to walk off in the state you're in right now, he thinks after informing Todoroki that he needs to start eating properly. I fear that you will dismiss the idea of putting any food into your mouth and return to mutilating yourself. As it is, you are severely underweight, and you have put a blade to your skin enough times that you only wear long-sleeved clothing. It's my job to ensure that my students feel that they are in a safe environment, but it is also my duty to protect all of you from danger—right now, that danger to you is yourself, Todoroki. You are your own worst enemy, it seems. However, it is also my job, as a human being with a heart, to save you before it's too late—before you disappear without a trace...