Suicidal Todoroki x Midoriya | What it Means to Love

3 | Embers of Color

Izuku Midoriya

Witnessing Shoto Todoroki smile unleashed a rumbling jar of fluttering butterflies throughout my stomach and chest. From all that the class knew, Todoroki was incapable of producing any positive emotions, let alone emotions in general. Yet there he was, grinning an awkward, jittering grin at me.

I know I've been overly ecstatic about events in the past, but watching the ragged smile spread across Todoroki's lips definitely tops the majority of them. Todoroki-kun! I can't believe you're actually trying to smile, I think to myself as I exhale a large gust of butterflies.

Honestly, seeing the emotionless Todoroki bear a grin on his cold, collected mien brings a new feeling to me. I can't quite describe it, but it's like I can physically feel my face growing warm every time I so much as think of Todoroki's broken smile. It's practically the only thing on my mind, but then again, this is also how I felt when All Might entrusted me with One For All.

Th-That warm smile on such a seemingly heartless person is cute, I think, although I swiftly process my thoughts and reconsider my choice of wording. I-I mean it is cute, b-but not because it's Todoroki, r-right?

On the way to Todoroki's house, I stirred up the conversation of how difficult it was for him to crack so much as a smile.

"I've had to work my muscles for it for the past decade or so," he replied, which made me feel both absolutely horrible for him, but exceedingly proud. "Yesterday was the first day I spoke more than ten words in a day for quite some time." That's so sad... I can't imagine never speaking more than ten words a day! Look at you now, Todoroki-kun!

I beamed vehemently at him. "Whoa! So cool! Y-Y'know, I don't know what it's like not to be able to laugh and smile at things, or not cry at sad things. Y-You don't have to answer, but what's it like?" Both of my hands were curled into fists resting just below my chin.

Todoroki seemed to contemplate his options. "I feel like a villain, as you said." He turned his unwavering gaze to the moving ground below.

My heart suddenly dropped, becoming the only thing I could hear at the moment. The blood in my body ran viciously cold, as if Todoroki had manually frozen it. I could taste the hot, bitter taste of fearful revelation in my dry mouth.

"Although I still see color, the world feels colorless," he continued with his ominously monotonous tone. "The people that I see seem to be nothing more than illusions—they appear as mere shadows venturing along the ground. As for myself, I don't feel real either. It feels as if my life is simply a nightmare...one that I cannot awaken from." His voice gradually grew weaker throughout his statements, which I suspected was from him never speaking to anyone and abruptly spouting out complete sentences for two days straight.

I'm so glad that he's talking to me now, I thought while deciding between whether to smile at his (forced) talkativeness or to frown at his admittance to his world views. But I can't believe that this is how he's seen everything for years. That's so cruel...n-not on his part! No, that's not his fault. Then what caused this? I have to find out one way or another.

Omitting my frown in hopes to bring up Todoroki's forlorn spirits, I plastered on a smile. "Th-Then you know what we're gonna do next?" He looked at me so innocently, like a curious puppy intrigued by the minutest of things. "We're going to change that. Then you won't have to live in a world where it's all shadow and faded light. You'll be able to see colors and faces and project them as well. I can't promise that I'll be able to do it, but I'm still going to make it happen, Todoroki-kun." Sweat began to run down my forehead, but I wiped it away with the backs of my hands.