Suicidal Todoroki x Midoriya | What it Means to Love

20 | "My forgiveness is a privilege"

Izuku Midoriya

When I finally realize that I'm awake and slumped over in a chair at Todoroki's bedside, I feel like absolute garbage; my head is pulsating nauseatingly, and it feels as if my body is being compressed into an airtight package. At the very least, my clothes are different and fresh—not stained and contaminated with literal blood, sweat, and tears. Regardless, my eyes are heavy like boulders, and I can't shake the excruciating pain throbbing in my chest.

How did I get here? I wonder, attempting to reconfigure my memories and piece the past together into a coherent, accurate sequence of events. What happened? W-Wait! Shoto! I heave myself up to my feet, which results in me nearly ending up kicking the chair out from beneath my feet and causing myself to fall flat on my back. Once I regain my balance and flap my arms around as if I'm a chicken fleeing in fear, I sigh.

My heart rigorously pounds, drumming in my chest until I feel as if it's going to tear me apart. I scramble to peer down at the fallen, sleeping angel lying on his deathbed. The EKG sitting beside him makes somewhat obnoxious beeping noises, but it affirms me he's still there; the rising and falling green hills somewhat soothe my explosive nerves. Even though I know he's alive and unconscious, I can't help but remind myself that neither of us will be the same after this incident.

Smiling in despair, I hold his hand again to comfort myself, and I hope to comfort him as well. I'm uncertain of how long I'll be required to wait and anticipate for him to wake up, but I'm willing to stand by his side for however long as it takes.

Please wake up soon, I think to myself, internally ridiculing my inability to effectively utilize my quirk the moment that the fractals of ice tinged my skin. If I had just been a few seconds faster to use my quirk...none of this would have occurred. I-I would've been undeniably irked, but Shoto wouldn't be like this right now.

Roughly twenty minutes later, Endeavor walks into the room, bearing a grim expression. The opening of the door startles me, since I've adjusted to the primarily silent atmosphere by Todoroki's side. I honestly didn't expect to see Endeavor walk in, but here he stands. He stands on the same side of the bed as me.

I have an absurd amount of questions that I would absolutely love to immediately thrust into Endeavor's face, but I soon find that he's the one to open his mouth first. "Did you know?" I expect his words to fire like a bullet through the air, but they're astonishingly soft and viscous, allowing me to digest them easily.

E-Endeavor's talking to me! "N-No, I j-just found out today," I admit, desiderating what I had realized earlier. Just ask him, Izuku. Just...ask him. "I-I'm sorry for asking, but shouldn't you have known?"

You and Fuyumi are the ones he's been around the longest, right? So after fifteen years, how is it you haven't known, or at least done anything about this? Cutting isn't just dangerous—it can become like a disease that haunts and infects the mind. It doesn't just physically hurt...but it will always leave mental scars, and if left untreated, an incident like this might occur. If it's left to fester, it can be fatal—that's not to imply that it never had the potential to begin with.

Endeavor's frigid, yet malleable gaze wavers, as if a streak of wind has caused a still body of water to ripple unnaturally. "No." He stares at the bandages concealing Todoroki's horrifically mutilated arms. "His duty was to surpass me. He refused and entered a rebellious phase." Th-That's your explanation?

"S-So? He's suffered through so much," I counter, still hesitant to form a rebuttal against Endeavor, the Number Two Hero and the father of my boyfriend. "I-I don't have much of the s-story, but...a-all of it revolves around you." A sweltering shock travels along my spine, causing sticky beadlets of sweat to form on my neck and back.