Bad Choices (Hypernaturals 8)

On the Road Again

We are headed to New Orleans in the Ram truck in case we have to do anything with the old Avion. The service Morgan hired sent some pictures of the installation, and it looked good, but Morgan is a 'Be Prepared' kind of girl.

We communicated on the way, in pretty much all senses of that. It started with talking about Angel.

"You know Adrian, Jessica pretty much threw me at you. It is sort of a family tradition to pick out spouses for other spouses. That is no excuse. I was thinking about Angel, and about how she probably feels now. Andrea is gone forever, and never was a part of Nakoma's life. A ghost. No more. Gone. A fading memory."

"Is it weird that I hope Andrea finds a nice guy and settles down someplace?" I asked.

"Not really. I do as well. As long as he never comes around Angel or Nakoma again." Morgan said.

"Agreed."

"Layer on top of that the fact that Andrea was willing to hand Nakoma over to Pierre, may he burn in a special hell that reality prepared just for him."

"Amen. Preach it, sister. Hell of a damn layer." I made a few vaguely religious gestures. I think. I could not remember the actual sequence from the TV shows where I have seen them.

"You are a Saint: Do I flick upward at the end, or over at you?" I asked.

"You flick upward toward the goddess, and then you flick down, catching your pants along the way to remove them for the Saint. Me." Morgan explained.

"Oh. OK." I said. "That seems very reasonable, although I do not think they ever showed that part on TV."

"It is TV. What do you expect? Don't distract me. I am attempting to finish a thought here. What Helen said about Angel and her independence is true, but you know? Angel always had my dad and I to count on. Help with school and getting Angel or Nakoma to the doctor when they needed it. All of that type of thing. Angel has never really had a spouse. The one you take to the plays and the concerts and that gives your children the other adult's point of view on things. Angel never had a partner. You became that, and Nakoma took to it instantly. How quickly she did is a sign of her emotional need for it. There was a vacuum. Now: you are Dad, and at some point, Nakoma will not really remember that it has not always been you. All that is to say, Angel looks at you differently now. I tried to speed it along, the way Jessica used to always try to speed you and I along. I am sorry. I was trying to do the right thing. I was focused on Nakoma and Angel. I did not think about any of the things you brought up, or even how YOU might feel. I made the classic Female Vampire mistake and took you for granted."

I was watching I10 roll by. We are on the other side of Beaumont, which means it is a long, straight, boring road, with fields on either side. Zero entertainment value until we get to the swamps and are on the bridge. Then zero entertainment value but on a bridge over gator filled swamp.

"I am not really sure how to say this. I don't want this coming out wrong." I said cautiously.

"Just say it. We will figure it out."

"You know how you can sometimes feel more than one way about something? You can have two conflicting emotions at the same time about the same exact thing?"

"Of course." Morgan nodded, her eyes still on the road.

"When Jessica was willing to 'share' me with Helen on our wedding night, I had that. I was like 'Why does she not want me all for herself?' and 'My god, I am married to a saint.' Because she cared about her old friend and lover so much. There were selfish reasons: Jessica felt that a three-way relationship would ease her ability to be with Helen. You know all this: How Jessica has always felt guilty about not being as sexually into Helen as Helen is into her. Me being there helped. All I was seeing at the time was her love for Helen on the one hand, and feeling a bit used on the other hand. Never mind all the guilt I had about feeling like me being with and enjoying and loving Helen felt like cheating on Jessica. As you called it, old human tapes."