Louder Than Words

Chapter 37

Zayn's P.O.V

The dim light shines in through my windows, warming my face and waking me up gently, I stretch my arm across the bed gently, expecting to feel the sleeping body of Kacey.

"Morning ba-" My heart catches in my throat, my hand landing on only bed sheets.

I take a harsh breath in, my mood changing instantly, remembering that she's gone, and she's not coming back and that this is the 20th time I've dreamt about her.

It wasn't until I turned to look at what time it was that I noticed the blur from the tears in my eyes which were threatening to spill over. Taking in another deep breath and fighting the tears back, I sit up,

'Pull yourself together Zayn, you've been good, don't let yourself down now'

I stand up finally, walking over to the chest of drawers and pulling it out, having it nearly fly out from the lightness of it, yet another reminder of her. We used to share this drawer, half hers half mine, and it's now half empty... Like my heart.

Shoving the drawer back in, not bothering getting dressed I look on the top of it, more painful memories. I pick up a photo frame with a photo of the two of us when we first met at the small get together. I place it down, scanning my eyes among the various other photos there, all these photos holding so many beautiful segments of the past.

Feeling my eyes stinging again, I swipe my hand across the top of the chest, the photos crash to the ground. Why do I still have these?

I trudge into the bathroom, wearing only my boxers and walk passed the mirror, quickly looking back to do a double take, seeing a stranger in the reflection, a stranger who looked identical to me, just with tired looking eyes.

'Come on Zayn, this is a new start for you, you're the same guy, just as happy, young and lively as you were with her, nothing has changed.'

Who am I kidding; I'm nothing without my baby, god I'm so lost without her.

I walk over to the shower, turning the hot tap on, not bothering to use the cold tap, stepping into it and letting the hot water burn my back.

As if I wasn't already emotionally unstable enough, my eyes turned to rest on her shampoo bottle, and something as simple as that made me loose it. My sobbing echoed through the bathroom as I slid to the floor of the shower, pressing my back against the cool tiles as my body shook from my crying.

It's been 4 months since she left me, 4 months since my life was torn away from me, she wasn't just my girlfriend, she was my best friend, my Kacey.

I sit in the shower for another few minutes, letting my sobbing slow down, until there was nothing left, I stand up, turn the shower off and walk out, wrapping a towel around me and looking into the mirror again, breathing in deeply.

'Ok, you've had your time Zayn, it's time to face the real world.'

I walk out again, back to the chest of drawers and pull out jeans and a black shirt, putting them on and turning to face the door, ready to start my day again without her, without the girl who stole my heart and has still kept it.

I know I'm meant to move on, but I don't want to face the real world without her. I open the door, putting on my brave face for the fans which I'm sure will be crowded around here, because I can't let them know how much this is getting to me and how much I'm hurting.

Not even the lads are allowed to know the extent of that; I'm the one who's the shoulder to lean on, not the one who needs a shoulder to lean on.

I step outside, instantly hearing screeches from a small group of fans.