Bitter Sweet Christmas

12: Mariposa Traicionera

The guilt was eating me alive. I couldn't take it anymore. I just had to tell Logan. No matter what the outcome would be, I had to tell Logan about Fridays dinner and what Jack did. I couldn't keep it from him any longer. All weekend long when I would look at his face, it reminded me of what happened and killed me inside all over again.

"Logan." I stopped in the middle of our walk to school. It was 7:20 and we had forty minutes until school started which was 10 minutes away from where we were. "I have to tell you something." He turned around to look at me. I could hear him gulp before he asked what it was.

"On Friday." I closed my eyes. I didn't know how to it put this even a couple days after it happened. "His mom invited me to dinner. If he did, I wouldn't have gone. But, I went over to Jacks for dinner on Friday. At the end of the dinner, he walked me outside and..."

"Tried to kiss me." I said as fast as I could. He continued to stare at me and I immediately felt guilty. "I'm sorry it's just the guilt was eating me alive and I couldn't keep it from you anymore and-"

"Why would I care whether he kissed you or not?" he asked with a straight face. "It doesn't matter to me. Do whatever you want." he turned around and continued to walk to school.

"Really?" I caught up to him. "You are my friend. You're supposed to give me advice. That's why I came to you-"

"Three days later." he finished. "If it made you feel so guilty, then why didn't you just tell me on Saturday?" I hesitated for a few moments on how to answer this.

I felt bad because I didn't want to hurt you.

"I wanted to forget about it." I lied. "It had just barely happened and I wanted to get my mind off of it. I didn't want to talk or even think about it."

"Mhm." he said with a tone that gave away the fact that he didn't believe a word I said.

"Oh so you think I'm lying now?" Technically, I was lying but I just had to defend myself. I had to defend my lie.

"Charlotte, if I know you, you're the kind of person who needs to get things off her chest."

"What if I didn't want to get this off my chest?"

"Then you're lying to yourself."

"You don't believe me."

"Not a single word." he shook his head.

"Why are mad at me? It's not like I did anything bad. I didn't even kiss him. I ran off to my car." I replied.

"Who said I was mad?" his tone softened.

"Really? Your tone and expression gave it away." I replied, crossing my arms.

"Doesn't mean I'm mad." he defended himself.

"Yeah, whatever."

*
Today was the day I had finally decided. It was all I could think about throughout first and second period. I would tell him at lunch. Jack.

I would straight out tell him that I wasn't going to get back together with him. And he'd just have to understand that no matter what. But, how was I going to say it?

Jack, I'm sorry but I just - too kind. Too weak.

Jack, I can't get back together with you. I'm sorry. I thought but, he'd question me and come up with the lame explanation about how he changed and deserved a second chance.

As I sat in third period, I concentrated on how it would take place and what I would do. It took me a couple minutes to realize that the English teacher was calling my name. If it wasn't for the girl who sat in back of me, I wouldn't have noticed at all.