Bitter Sweet Christmas

17: Grand Piano

Logan
Logan, I'm sorry. Please. Please don't leave. The shakiness in her voice was displayed over the phone.

I'm so sorry. Please Logan I'll do anything for a second chance.

Logan, I know were hundreds of miles apart but-

The words of the girl who's heart was broken the day mines was shattered. Her words clouded my thoughts as I stood there in the warm water, just staring at the wall. It killed me everyday after that moment of what we did and for the first week, all I could do was think about her. About her and how much I regret doing that. I didn't regret it because I wanted to get back together with her. But, because we did it for the wrong reason. It was so utterly stupid and I couldn't stop playing those words in my head until I heard Charlotte's voice on the other line. She helped me calm down and it made me realize why we did this all in the first place. But, I hadn't told Charlotte. I didn't know what to tell her or how. I didn't know how she would feel about it. So, I lied. But, I had to tell her today. I'd been avoiding it since she'd been caught up in other problems and she always seemed so confused.
Sometimes I'd catch her just sitting there staring at something when really, she was thinking.

From the day I met her, from the moment I saw her, I could tell something was wrong with her. You could see it in her eyes but she didn't bother addressing it. Not until she told me everything. From that minute I knew Jack was a jerk and didn't deserve someone like her. In this moment, all I could think was I didn't deserve her. After what happened with Megan, I didn't think I was worthy of anyone's love. I didn't deserve her, she shouldn't have chosen me. But, she did. And look at us now.

She'd been played, that's what it was. I'd played her even though everything wasn't entirely my fault. Once something came up, I left. She left.

We lied when we said those three words. We didn't mean it when we said them. But, I couldn't help but know that this was my fault. It was all my fault, even if it actually wasn't.

After throwing on the clothes they laid out, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I looked myself in the eye and replayed the words I would say in my head. They didn't seem good enough but they'd have to work.

**
My heart was racing as I stood in front of her door. My hand, which was balled up into a fist, hovered over her door in position to knock. I couldn't move so I just stood there. If I did it quickly, it'll be over with.

That was when I knocked and heard her voice for the first time in what felt like hours. "Come in." she shouted in a kind tone. It won't stay that way for long.

"What do you want?" she glanced up at me then back at whatever she had been doing before.

"Can we talk?"

***
Charlotte
As always, I was wasting my life doing nothing. I needed to get my mind off of whatever I was thinking and needed to do something. That was when I pulled out my journal.

The only times that I touched this was when I needed to be distracted. When life was so difficult that I needed to escape for a little bit. So, I sketched pictures of different things like a girl with different facial expressions. Then I doodled the back view of a girl but just her hair. I was adding some details when I heard a knock on the door. It was probably mom with more blankets.

"Come in." I shouted, flipping through the pages now. It wasn't my mom who walked in. No, it was someone else. A certain someone else who I really didn't want to see right now. "What do you want?" My voice came out colder than I intended.

"Can we talk?" he asked, shutting the door behind him. He gave me no other choice than to agree.

"Do I even have a choice?" I asked and he smiled. A light, quiet chuckle escaped his lips. His smiled slowly faded but appeared as he said the words, "Not really."