Sons Of Anarchy.We All Fall Down . .

49. The Van

Why was it whenever things were finally going right - the ending just ended up being wrong? I was just a girl who wanted more from life than life could give. I wanted to be at my fathers side, at my uncles , at Clays side. Why was their lives so interesting and pulling to me?

Was it the thrill of being chased ever so often from the law? Was it the endless drinking and having the rule of doing what you want? Or was it just the mindful and real taste of freedom?

All thoughts swirled in my head as Piney pulled into the clubs parking lot. But there was one question I knew I had to ask, "So, are you going to talk to my dad about what was said?"

Piney didn't answer me as he backed into a parking spot. He threw the vehicle in 'park' and just stared out of the front of the windshield. He finally shook his head and turned to me, his eyes held some sort of emotion that I couldn't even pin point on what it was. Some people I could read, sometimes Piney wasn't one of them.  "You want me to talk to Jax about letting you into this club. His only daughter! The one who just got arrested!"

Would it be okay if I said yes to both? By the look in his eyes I could tell 'yes' probably wasn't the best answer. "No." His eyebrows raised in disbelief. "Well, yes but I don't want you to think I'm wanting to join for the wrong reasons. Piney you don't understand half the stuff I've already done. I've been here less than a year and I've already k-".

I had to stop myself. I was saying to much. Why did I think about telling him the truth. I mentally faced palmed and groaned out loud. I'm getting to the point where my anger was just boiling over. Everything was just anger. Why did it have to be like this?

He looked at me in confusion. A look I seem to be getting a lot lately. "No please finish with what you were about to say."

"Winnie!" My fathers voiced echoed off the lot. "Let's get this over with before your mom finds out about this shit!"

Piney and I almost forget about the others that followed behind us. We were both so wrapped up in emotions and our conversation - we just...forgot. I wish that was how simple everything was. To just forget and to let things go. I wish I could forget how I murdered men and ditched the vehicle. How I threw it into reverse and just let it sink into the water. Not only did I watch the murderers sink into the water, but the lies, the emotion, the fear; I let it all sink to the bottom of the lake.

I wish I was able to forget about Kohn, my friends lives and how they were able to break the rules. I just wish shit was fucking different.

While I opened up the door and half way climbed out, Piney reached out for me and held onto my arm. We both stared at each other before he finally sighed and shook his head. "You." He sniffled before finishing. "You don't want this life kid - trust me."

I swallowed what nerve I had and climbed out of the vehicle. I shut the door with him still inside and walked over to my father. Who looked to be a bit cooled off than what he was when we were at the station.

The heat of California beats down on me as I took each step and I felt sweat begin to build on my forehead as I got closer to my father. Without another word or even a command he began to walk towards to the clubhouse and I knew I had to follow. It didn't take a rocket science to see my father was still pissed and his back rigid.

We both entered the quiet building and I followed to him to his 'hoe den' or he calls it his 'dorm room'.  He opened the door for me and politely let me go first.

If I walk through that door everything was going to be on the table. If I walked through that door I knew things weren't ever going to be the same again. But it was my father. I was more him than I could ever think.