Sons Of Anarchy.We All Fall Down . .

Lost (Authors explanation)

Hey guys! I know it's been a while. Well . . . More than a while. I've been promising this and that but haven't been living up to shit. I wanted to let you know why. I never really talked about my personal life because it was, well personal. But I wanted to let you know what's been up. On June 3 I lost someone. They didn't die. But they left me. It was my fiance. Yeah, I was 19 and engaged to someone who I thought I knew. Turns out I didn't. I loved him very much, I was and still am working at minimum wage and I was trying my damndest to set up our wedding. I bought everything. The balloons, the flowers arrangements, I was setting up the guest list. I was doing everything I possibly could. I was living with him and his parents but here was the thing. I was the only one paying the bills for the house, for the family. I did the grocery shopping for all five of us plus the two dogs. I figured it was the price I'd pay for them letting me live there. My finances truck broke down one day while going to work. Little did he know I was saving up for our future and stocked away six grand. I was nervous at first and he was the bread winner of the family. He always wanted a mini-cooper so I granted him that on his birthday. I gave him all of it so we could pay it off more quickly. I know. Stupid. I had money then I lost it. I had been saving some of that money since I was seven years old. But to make him happy I gave it too him. The next day I found out he was cheating. It looked like he had been cheating for over three months. I knew I should've known something was up when the kisses became colder and the hugs became shorter and the talks become obsolete. 

When I confronted him about it, it was over the phone. His father than heard me and threw me out of the house that same night. I had nowhere to go but my friends house. I don't think I've cried so hard in my life. I gave a man everything and in return I got nothing. For three years I dated a man who I was loyal too. For over three years I dedicated my life to whatever he wants to do. I couldn't hang out with my friends. Couldn't hang out with my parents and most importantly I couldn't update any of my stories. 

He threw my stuff on his grass and wanted me to come get it. I did. I didn't say a word. He wanted to keep my dog, she was only one month old and I was the one who bought her and fed her and paid for the vet bills and yet he wanted her. I didn't give a crap about my stuff all I wanted was her. Finally after a day of fighting for her. He gave her up. With her and my stuff I went back to my parents house. Without them I don't know where I would be. 

On July 1st, I met someone knew and even though the past still haunted me I began to trust this man. His name is Josh. He's 24, owns his own vehicle, pays his own bills, and is a construction worker. He holds me at night. Kisses my for head. Protects me. And hates when I pay for things. No matter what if I text him. He's there. Now it's September and I've been dating him for two months. I opened my heart to him and God damn is he different from my ex. He is a man. Not a boy. He knows what he wants. He loves me and I love him. 

Through out these past couples of months I've been trying to find myself. To find me again. I focused my whole three years doing what made someone else happy that I forgot what made me happy. My advice for anyone whose been through this or is going through a relationship and is losing themselves. Don't. Remember who you truly are. Remember where you came from and right and wrong. Remember that when one door closes and another one definitely opens. 

Thank you guys for keeping with me. You all are great people and never forget yourself. Be proud of who you are. 

Sincerely~ Heather.