"Since I Don't Have You"
When you walked out on me
In walked ol’ misery
And she’s been here since then
“Alicia, I’m heading out for Chinese, do you want anything?”
My roommate Kaeley was staring at me expectantly from the doorway of our minuscule dorm room. Or her dorm room, actually. The reason it felt so tiny was because it was only originally intended for one occupant.
“I’m good, thanks.” I said, keeping my eyes focused on my Human Anatomy textbook.
I heard her sigh. An exasperated, ‘are we really still having this conversation’ sigh. We had known each other since we were six years old. I knew her better than anybody. And she knew me better than almost anybody. Except one other person…
I felt her sit down on the bed beside me.
“Alicia, it’s been a month. Let it go.” she said quietly.
I could feel tears immediately begin to sting my eyes. I didn’t want to let it go. It had only been four weeks, there was still hope.
“I can’t, Kay. I love him.” I whispered.
The tears I had been holding back finally escaped. Kaeley wrapped her arm tightly around me, pulling my head down to rest on her shoulder. The heavy textbook slipped from my lap and hit the ground with a thud. I hadn’t been paying attention to the last ten pages I’d read anyways; my thoughts were consumed with Ross.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything-”
“You did nothing wrong, Alicia, you were absolutely right. Ross is young. And young usually means stupid.”
I laughed. She was right, Ross was only 18. I had just turned 21 this year; maybe I expected too much of a boy who was barely out of his teens.
“I just feel like maybe, if things hadn’t gone down the way they did…maybe we could have worked it out.” I said quietly.
I could feel Kaeley shrug. “Maybe…”
**one month earlier**
“Babe, I’m home!”
I heard the front door slam loudly, followed by footsteps echoing down the hall towards me.
“I’m in the kitchen!” I called.
‘Parietal, occipital, mandible, temporal…’
My gaze was steadily focused on one of my thick college textbooks; I had a science exam in two days, and exams for my other classes all throughout the next week. I had to make at least a B to keep my “A” average in anatomy, my scholarship to med school would depend on it.
Ross stepped into the room seconds later; I heard his guitar case hit the tiled floor.
“Hey baby.” I felt his arms wrap tightly around me from behind.
“Hey.” I replied absentmindedly. ‘Frontal, maxilla, zygomatic…’
I could feel my eyelids getting heavy. The labeled, color coded skeleton laid out on the page before me seemed to sway back and forth, back and forth.
Ross flopped down in the chair next to mine. “So I needed to talk to you…” he started.
I immediately glanced up from my book. Ross was in a serious mood, and that was rare. Clearly something was on his mind.
