Finding Bottom

You are Dismissed

Yoongi POV

I woke up, saliva pooling in my jaw, feeling nauseated, knowing I was about to throw up. I lurched out of bed, stumbling over my feet while I made a beeline to my bathroom. For now, I was trying to ignore the throbbing in my head so that I could make it to the toilet in time.

After throwing up into the toilet, which made my head feel worse, I trudged to the sink so I could rinse my mouth out. Spitting the water into the sink, I was hit with a memory from last night of swishing alcohol out of my mouth after Jaenan...memories flooded back.

"Shit!" I exclaimed. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," I repeated as I crumpled to the floor. I was suddenly sick in a completely different way. Sick that I had let him in my home, sick that I had let him control me again, sick that I gave in to alcohol. What the fuck was I doing with my life? How could I let a drink, a feeling, a person, control me in that way? I was feeling defeated and sad and couldn't halt the tears that started to slide down my face.

Didn't Hoseok tell me I was on my last chance? I had to hide this from him. I created a mental list as I struggled to get off the floor and wipe my face. I would check my place and rid it of all evidence of what I did last night, then I'd have to take a shower to get the alcohol stink off me. But first I had to take something to settle my stomach and help dull the feeling of a sledgehammer hitting my head.

I walked back toward my bed looking for my phone, spotting it on my nightstand next to a bottle of electrolyte water and painkillers. I took two pills out of the bottle, taking a sip of the water to wash them down as I picked up my phone. I briefly wondered how I was rational enough to set them out last night. Then I unlocked my phone and saw my conversation with Angel. "Oh fuck." I spat out as I fell onto the bed. Brief snippets of a conversation I had with Angel flitted through my head. "Was that real or part of a dream?" I thought I had said that in my mind, but then heard a response.

"It probably really happened." I turned my head as fast as I could in my current state to the sound of his voice. He was standing in my doorway, blanket in hand, hair pointing in odd directions from having just woken up. Even with how I was feeling, I knew he looked adorable. I couldn't say anything, instead just looked at him with dead eyes, wishing he wasn't here right now no matter how adorable he looked.

"How are you feeling?" He asked softly.

How was I supposed to answer him? "It feels like a repeat of weeks ago." I answered him weakly, because I felt like we had gone back in time to the first morning I woke up after my party.

"Yoongi, we have a lot to talk about, but I first need to make sure that you're OK." He said it so sweetly, I almost started crying again.

I huffed. "OK? There is nothing OK about anything that happened in the last 12 hours." He looked at me with sympathy, but I didn't want his sympathy, so I turned toward the wall, away from him.

He continued. "I don't think Hoseok is up yet, but he probably will be soon. Are you planning on talking to him?"

I groaned in frustration.

He continued gently, "Based on what you said last night, would you prefer I talk to him and make excuses for you?"

I wonder what I said to him last night. "Please," I answered in a tiny voice, trying to force my brain to remember what we talked about last night.

He walked out of the room, and I clutched my stomach, wanting to make the feeling of writhing snakes get out. I don't think I had anything left to throw up, and dry heaving was not on my list of things to do today. I closed my eyes, trying to wish the pain killers into working quickly.