Goblin Slayer x Reader One Shots

{intoxicated}

wow i haven't written in here in a hot minute.
sorry to the ppl who like these it just gets a little hectic when i'm trying to keep up with both books ahah ;-;

"What the hell did I just get myself into."

It was in the late evening and after considering some thought, you brought yourself to pay the Guild Hall a visit and stuff your face for a while. No harm done. But what you weren't expecting was for every damn person to get drunk. They were even pressuring Goblin Slayer of all people to chug a liter of booze. Idiots. That guy was way too mature to—WHAT THE HELL?! He was chugging!! What impressed you even more was that he was doing so without having to remove his helmet.

Meanwhile, Lizard Priest was engulfing some cheese. "Sweet nectar~!"

"Holy cow, Goblin Slayer can barely stand! Guess he's not a hard drinker," someone shouted in delight. "This is too chaotic for me," you grumbled. Time to go. "Aye, girly. Yeah, you! The one without anything to drink! Give this oaf a hand before he faints." Why did fate have to be so brutal sometimes. You desperately wanted to turn around and order the stranger to take care of it himself, but pretty much anyone within a ten foot radius couldn't even walk properly. So in the end, you had no choice but to throw in the towel.

"Crap, you're super heavy," you grunted as you made a horrible attempt to drag Goblin Slayer to one of the back rooms. You swung the door open and collapsed The man on a nearby couch. You huffed in exhaustion and set your gaze on his drunken state. He was probably uncomfortable with all of that armor on, but you didn't want him, nor anyone else, to get the wrong idea, so you just slid off his helmet instead.

You nearly collapsed to the floor in shock. 'Jesus Christ he's so hot it should be a sin to even look at him!!' You slowly got to your feet and nervously placed his helmet next to him. "And time to make my escape—!" You were about to rush out of the room when you felt a sudden pressure on your wrist. "Where...do you think...you're g-going?" Dammit he was awake! One thing your mother always told you as a child was to never screw with a drunk person. They'd either try to beat you to a pulp or pull moves on you.

"H-hey, you should probably get some rest. I'll uh, be on my way now." Instead of letting go of your wrist, Goblin Slayer clearly had other plans. You turned to face him, only to be met with a pair of frightening crimson eyes. They would've contrasted from his pale skin if his face wasn't so flushed. Just the way he was looking at you was making you feel lightheaded.

You needed to get out of there. "I think you need some time al—" You were then launched into his lap. He gave no signs of releasing you. You struggled against his iron grip. "L-let go of me. I'll punch you!" You really didn't want to. He merely leaned in closer and whispered, "Punch me, then." HOLY—HOLY SHIT. Your limbs were perfectly still, but your brain felt like it was running a marathon!

How could such an attractive man be holding you so tightly? Were you dreaming? But everything felt so real, that couldn't have been the case. You could feel your senses slowly spiraling. You remembered the room was very dark, all but the vague glow of moonlight flooding in. And it was hot. God, it was so hot. You had no idea if it was from the humidity from the summer season or Goblin Slayer's breath fanning over the nape of your neck. this has nothing to do with the story but my dog is barking so fucking loud outside of my window i want to beat him with a frying pan (im kidding i kidding... maybe)

"Your waist is so... small... and your skin is so soft." This guy wasn't giving you any room to breathe, much less to even think straight! "Um...thank you??"
Your heart stopped once you felt his teeth softly latch down on the brim of your ear. You began to tremble. He clearly had no restraint. "You're so hootttt~," he cooed. That's when you realized, this was pretty much your only chance at expressing how you really felt.

Intoxicated or not, you were going to kiss that bastard before he could sober up enough to stop you.
You managed to twist your body into a more adequate position and grabbed both of his cheeks. And without giving him any proper warning, you dove in and gave Goblin Slayer a big fat smooch. The act of kissing was so foreign to you that you didn't know if you were even doing it right.

He returned the kiss without reluctance. You felt the tips of his fingers sink into your skin. The sense of awkwardness was quickly replaced with temptation. You couldn't believe you were actually making out with the man you'd had feelings for since you were a child. Goblin Slayer add more pressure, forcing you to lie on your back. You couldn't breathe! His hands roamed all over your body. From your shoulders, to your waist, to your thighs...

You wanted him so bad.

"Excuse me—OH! I, ah... forgive my intrusion. I'll l-leave you both to it, then. Ahem*." Lizard Priest shut the door.

No. No. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

You both laid there in utter silence. It was quiet, but you were screaming in your head.

"G-Goblin Slayer. Maybe we should—." WHAT. HE FELL ASLEEP WTFFF.

You sighed and flopped back as he held you close.

You were never kissing a drunk man ever again.

phew this took a while. sorry if the ending was kinda sped up i thought the whole thing was a little dry but i hope you guys at least liked it

it'll probably be a while until i write in here again. i might have to rewatch the show to get sum of that juicy inspiration ya know?

lmao man i need a nap