~.: "Safe and Sound" :.~
~.: Taylor Swift ft The Civil Wars :.~
~.: Tim's POV :.~
I swallowed thickly as I gently held Lexie close while Isaac irritably pulled away and trudged out of the room, casting one last agitated glance over his shoulder at us as I moved her hair out of her face to get her to look back at me again before he left the room. For a moment, Lexie only whispered into her hands as she refused to look me in the eye and I couldn't help the feeling of guilt in my heart that was threatening to overwhelm me as I tried to push down what Isaac had openly accused just moments ago. I'm not using Lexie- I'm not trying to replace Addyson. I know that they're two completely different people, I thought silently as I sat back a little to give Lexie some breathing space, I would never do something like that. I couldn't- it wouldn't be fair to Addy or Lexie...
"I just don't want to hurt you by having feelings for you, Tim..." I almost didn't hear Lexie speak up suddenly while I'm getting buried in my own thoughts, "This is so stupid.. I'm so stupid- I'm so sorry..." She whimpered softly, hurriedly getting to her feet to retreat but I carefully grabbed her hand to stop her, ignoring the loud thumping of my heartbeat in my ears as I pulled her into a tentative hug, causing Lexie to let out a surprised squeak and stiffen against me.
"Y-You're not stupid," I shakily stammer, pulling away to look at her, "And there's no reason for you to be sorry. You can't help having the feelings that you do and it's not your fault," I whispered, blushing profusely as I realized I was still holding her her hand, "It's okay, Lexie, I promise. Your feelings aren't going to hurt me. I... I want to have something special with you too..." I find myself murmuring softly, removing my hand from hers in case it was freaking her out even more. At the sound of my confession, Lexie's eyes start to tear up again and she sniffles, using the sleeve of her left arm to wipe away at her tear-streaked face before she sits down on the edge of her bed as I self-consciously wait for her to calm down a bit.
"But.. but what about Addyson...?" Lexie whispered softly, staring at her snowy white knuckles as she gripped the hem of her pastel blue sweater tightly between her fingers, "She... she meant everything to you and you just lost her a week before I came here... I could never take her place, Tim..." She sniffled in a trembling voice that breaks into a soft crying as I frown in sympathy, my heart breaking at the sound of her crying.
"I don't want to replace anybody, Lexie," I murmured earnestly, my voice soft and calming as I sat tentatively beside her on the edge of the bed while she brings her legs up and rests her chin on her knees warily, "You... you and Addyson are two completely different people... and I'd never hurt you by making you replace her. I'm still..." I trailed off quietly for a moment, swallowing slightly as I looked towards the nightsky shining in through her window before continuing softly, "I'm still hurting over Addyson... Just like you're still hurting over the death of your older brother..."
Lexie winces, nodding slightly as she closes her eyes and holds herself tightly in an attempt to fend off another outburst of sobs as I rubbed the back of my elbow in the timid and fragile silence that extends for quite a few moments between us. This glass-like silence finally breaks off when Lexie draws in a timid and trembling breath before glancing warily at me through her long messy blonde hair, her pale ice blue eyes still watering slightly and tinged with red from all the tears that she'd shed so far. My breath caught in my throat as her gaze meets mine and for a good minute, all I can do is just stare into the vast icy blue abyss of her irises, my thoughts freezing up as though she'd unintentionally given me brain freeze. I... I could get lost in her eyes like this... I found myself thinking shyly as I cleared my throat and rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly.
"So..." Lexie murmured softly, tearing her eyes away from my face as I looked away as well, "What.. what are we.. now that you know how I feel about you...?" She shakily inquired, shifting nervously beside me so that a little more space is between us and I feel my heartbeat quickening again at the idea that she was going to try and push me away. That's how I acted when Acacia first went missing.. and then again when Addyson died. I pushed everyone away to cope with the trauma... But Lexie... if she pushes everyone away, she'll have nobody. She needs someone to be there for her.
"We're..." I tentatively began in a soft tone as Lexie pushes her hair out of her face slightly and stares intensely at the hem of her sweater once more to avoid looking back up at me, "We're still friends, Lexie. I'm not going to hate you or push you out of my life just because of everything that's going on. I... I like you.. a lot. But right now, I think," I timidly wrang my hands together in thought before continuing, "I think we should be just friends. I did just lose Addyson, and you're still new to the team... So let's... let's get to know each other better first and see what might happen eventually, okay...?" I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck as I nervously looked at her to see what her reaction might be.
Another drawn out moment of silence follows and for a second, I thought she was going to cry but just when I thought that, she seemed to straighten up and nod in understanding, smiling a broken smile that stirred a pang of empathy in my heart.
"Okay," she murmurs softly, readjusting her sweater as she meets my anxious gaze, "We can just be friends for now. Baby steps," she quietly manages another smile and I feel my worries slowly begin to melt away, "I'm really sorry about Isaac being rude to you before he left my room, by the way. He just kind of.. followed me into my room..." she trailed off as she rubbed her arms in an effort to comfort herself and I nodded in understanding.
"It's okay," I softly replied, rubbing the back of my neck, "If he keeps making you uncomfortable, just tell me and I'll tell him to back off," I murmured quietly, "Isaac tried this with Deanne before she started dating Dick actually. I'm just hoping he doesn't get anymore desperate because we don't need anymore drama right now," I managed a small chuckle as I shifted a bit to get a little more comfortable in my spot on the edge of her bed. Lexie raised a confused eyebrow at me.
"Isaac? Tried to date De?" Her voice sounded disbelieving as she cringed and shook her head, "I can't ever see them together. He's so rude and mean and Deanne has always been really quiet and nice," she whispered softly, her ice blue gaze taking on a faraway look as though she were reminiscing about the past and I smiled softly.
"So you and Deanne have been pretty good friends for years then..?" I murmured gently, stirring her from her nostalgia, and she nodded in affirmation, her eyes sparkling a little as her mood seemed to improve at the mention of Dick's girlfriend.
"Yeah," she laughed slightly, "She's like a big sister to me.. always looking out for me and everything.." She suddenly gets very quiet and I cock my head curiously at her as she sniffles a bit, "I'm lucky... to have someone like her as a friend..." She murmured softly, closing her eyes quietly as I frown in concern.
"Why wouldn't you have a friend like De? You're really nice and easy to get along with. That's why I like talking to you," I found myself admitting shyly and Lexie blushes slightly in response, "You're a good person, Lex," I whispered softly, placing a timid hand on hers as I blushed too, "And I'm glad to call you a friend of mine. Acacia was wrong about you being worthless... You're worth so much, Lexie. Don't ever forget that." I murmured gently and she smiled shyly as our gazes met.
