IVORY | Carl Grimes

thirty-four - pyrrhic ;

the world was beginning to run low. the brokenness it had disseminated without remorse forced those living in it to bear witness to its masterpiece tonight. the work was ephemeral but it's consequences would not be.

saskia had never been so acutely aware of the world spinning on its axis. it felt as though she was being forced from side to side as the globe dropped further through each aspect of the turn. everyone else around her was adapting as they always had, but it was not as easy to do so anymore for the girl's whose head was spinning all the same.

those that filled the room were tripping over each other to do what was needed to save the boy with the blood chilling his face and yet she remained stoic. the game of freeze tag was beginning to grow old and she desperately wanted to be tagged back in.

"is," she shuddered incoherently, "is he going to be okay?" saskia had deliberately avoided asking the question that could not hide behind her lips anymore. in fact, she had yet to speak at all since beth questioned her.

denise brought her elbow up to wipe away residual sweat on her forehead, frowning sympathetically, "i wish i could promise you that, saskia."

saskia's teeth ground together and she titled her head up before letting it fall into her shoulders. she managed a pathetic nod, picking at her fingernails. maybe she was okay left lingering after all. if she remained a spectator, without a passerby pulling her back into the game, then perhaps, she did not have to fight or strategize any longer.

"but," denise began again like flowers returning in spring despite a harsh winter, "i am hopeful, more than i thought that i would be, at least."

her glasses were slightly fogged up, but saskia saw through the translucence and believed her. she had no choice other than to put her faith in the woman's hands. despite the storm clouds and rain droplets, she forced herself to have blind optimism that the canvas of the sky would dry and return in full clarity.

the girl's surroundings rapidly blurred around her. growing progressively dizzy, her stomach began to hurt. the room around her suddenly lacked accessible air as she choked on whatever she managed to get in, or lack thereof. saskia did not want to watch anymore. she lacked a space to fill.

saskia became increasingly conscious of the beating of her heart, which was racing towards an inevitable crescendo, as she fumbled with wiping her hands over her jeans. she turned them over again and again for a reason she did not know, pushing sawyer backwards and making her way to the door. all she could focus on was the fact that a knife was still in her belt. it imbued courage, though she struggled to understand if it was foolish or not.

her knuckles were painfully white as they gripped the doorway, but all the opposite of ice, "i-i, um," she nearly gagged on her words, "i can't be in here." she tried straightening herself out to gain more air, placing her hands on top of her head, but nothing worked.