Nah, She Didn't

~ Part 18 ~ I Am James Potter, The Wonderful Head Boy And Quidditch Captain ~

Zombie - Bad Wolves - (original song by The Cranberries)

-James POV-

I hear her speak to herself then, and I just feel the pit in my stomach sink lower and lower.

"I'm a mess. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm a filthy mudblood. I'm a freak. I'm ugly. And now I'm ugly crying."

It breaks my heart to hear her say that, and now my brain is practically begging my body to go in there and hug her.

Then she stops crying. I take this as a good sign, but I was competent wrong in that.

"Lily, why did you have to be like this? You couldn't have just been normal? If you were normal you would fit in. If you were normal, everyone would like you, instead of hating you," Lily said miserably.

It was already bad enough to hear her say that. But the worst part was her voice. Her tone. It was defeated. Completely, and utterly defeated. Like no thing, no one, could ever convince her other than what she had just said.

Nope. I've had it. I stand up, and open the compartment door.

I turn to my left, and see Lily sitting, knees pulled up to herself, back leaned against the wall. Her hair is in a wrangled mess, and it's all frizzy and yet wet at the same time. There were wet streaks falling down her cheeks even though she wasn't crying anymore. Her eyes looked hollow, no emotion. It rips my heart up even more. Lily what are you doing to me?

I shut the door, and sit down against the wall beside her. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her closer to me. She leans in.

"Lily. If you were normal, if you were anything but you, I wouldn't like you like I do right now. Lily, I don't hate you. And all the important people in your life don't either. Marlene, Mary, Alice, your mum, your dad. Even Sirius and Peter. And of course Remus. And like I said, me. We all love you Lily, and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. Anyone who says they don't love you isn't right in the head. And if I hear you insult yourself like that again... well, I don't know what I'll do," I say.

Lily sniffles a bit, and looks up at me. She gives a small, but sincere, teary eyed smile.

"Oh, and, don't worry. I took care of Snivellus. Though I know you did too," I add. Lily almost laughed at this, but of course didn't, because of her current state.

"What did you do to him?" She asked, voice hoarse from crying.

"Let's just say... it's not like his bottom is small," I respond, glad that her mood had improved at least a bit. Her eyes twinkle a bit, shifting out of the emotionless expression they had been in just a moment ago.

We sit like this, her leaning on me with my arm around her shoulder, for Merlin knows how long, when she speaks.

"James... thanks," she says. I smile.

We sit there for another while.

"James?" She asks, eyes uncertain.

"Yeah?"

"Um... can we... can we just... just... forget the... the kiss ever happened?" She asks. I feel my heart drop a bit. "I... I just... I want our... acquaintance-relationship-friendship-whatever it is... to go... slowly. I don't want to jump from enemies to kisses so quickly... I don't want to move too quickly into things or... or everything will go by too fast and we won't even know what happened."

I don't know what to think. I mean, on the one hand, she wants to forget the kiss so we can do this properly... and not go through with it too quickly, which makes sense. On the other hand, she wants to forget the kiss.

"Look... can we just... maybe... start over?" She asks at my silence. "I mean like... as... not arch enemies?"

Well, if she wants to restart... I might as well make a good first impression.

I stand, pulling her up with me. I grin, and take a princely bow.

"Why, Miss, I'd gladly do so," I pause, then start as if we are just meeting.

"Hello, red, I don't believe we've met before. I am James Potter, the wonderful Head Boy and Quidditch Captain," I say, attempting to boost her mood.

"Haven't a humble bone in your body," she mutters, smirking. "Very nice to meet you, Mr. Potter. I am the lovely, straight-O Head Girl, Lily Evans." Lily curtsies even more dramatically than my bow had been.

"Well, good too meet you, pip pip and all that. But, putting the whole just meeting each other thing aside, should we get to the compartment? They'll be wondering where we are. Oh, and, I heard you're sitting with the Marauders this year," I say with a smirk. She rolls her eyes.

"Mary chose the compartment! And the only reason I'm staying is because before I walked in, she and Remus were having a good laugh. So you know... I'm staying... for them..." Lily trails off.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I say.

Lily kicks me in the shin, smiles mock sweetly at me, and struts out.

Boy, I love that girl.

~ ~ ~
NOTES: X

-Amelia