Nah, She Didn't

~ Part 55 ~ So I Am Taking Quite The Risk With You, James Potter ~

Castle - Halsey

-Lily POV-

"Lily. What did Snape say to you?" James finally asks after we both sip our Butterbeer for a bit.

I feel myself stiffen.

"Lily, What did he say?" James pleads. "Please tell me!"

"Alright, alright," I answer with a sigh.

Snape had said that it was all a game. Our friendship, our-perhaps-fancying each other. And he had said that now that I fancy him back, he'll 'stop playing'.

I wince. Because deep, deep down, I was quite afraid of that. That once James has broken down my walls, he'll hurt me and I'll have to build them even higher next time.

You see, that's happened before.

Petunia. Me and her used to be inseparable. But when I learned I was a witch, she became so cold to me. Started using the word freak. Didn't want anything to do with me.

And then Severus. When he told me I was a witch, we began to hang out more. We became almost immediate friends. And when I went to Hogwarts, he was my only friend. Well, then, he started to hang out with the group of biased Slytherin bullies. He became less and less friendly towards me, just to impress those petty Slytherins. And in 5th year, he dropped the mudblood bomb on me, and I just fell apart and had to build up higher walls.

So, you can't blame me for worrying when James #1 said that.

"Lily?" James asks, waving his hand in front of my face. I blink.

"Oh, yeah... well," I begin. "He... I believe his exact words were, 'Lily, you are just a game. But now that I've finally gotten you, I don't believe I'll be playing anymore.'"

I stare at James to see how he takes it.

I see him contemplating my words. His eyes widen, and his gaze grows hard. His nostrils flare, and he shoots up in his seat, almost knocking over the Butterbeer.

"He said what?" James says viscously. I scooch away from the sudden movement, staying silent. "I swear I'm gonna whoop his-"

"James, it's okay. I'm just glad it wasn't really you," I say, wincing.

"Of course it wasn't! How could you think that was me?" James asks.

"I mean, I didn't. I was just... afraid, I suppose," I reply uneasily.

"Of what?"

"That it was you. Afraid that after you'd broken down my walls, you'd just hurt me and I'd have to build them back up again." I say truthfully.

"I..." James trails off.

"I mean, that's what happened with Severus and Petunia," I reason. "Over time I've just learned that if you don't let people in, they won't hurt you."

James just stares at me, unable to respond.

"So I am taking quite the risk with you, James Potter."

"You... what?" James asks, dumbfounded.

"Well, it's getting quite late. We might as well head up," I say.

James opens his mouth to say something, but I stand up and hurry out through the fruit bowl painting. I hear him scrambling behind me.

I feel him grab onto my arm and spin me around towards him. I feel my breath hitch in my throat, as we are now inches away from each other. We both stand there a moment, facing each other.

"Lily," James says breathlessly. "I-I'll... I'll never... Lily, I promise you, I don't ever want to hurt you. Because if I see you're hurting, I'm hurting too, especially if the cause is me."

He pauses.

"It's always been you, Lils. Just you. I know I might've dated a few girls before, but that was just to distract me from the fact that you always said no. I... just..." He trails off.

Then, as if to explain his point, he leans his head towards me and closes the space in between us. Our lips touch and he gently sets his hands on my waist, and I wrap mine around to his back.

I could feel the difference between this kiss and the others. We were both trying to explain how we felt, both trying to show the other our feelings. We both pull back after a few seconds. And despite how short it was, it felt as if all of my emotions had been poured out.

I close my eyes and stand there a moment. When I open them back up, I find James staring at me, straight into my eyes. I look up at his familiar hazel ones.

And then he says something that will change my life forever.

"Lily..." James starts. "Would you... perhaps... go on a date with me?"

~ ~ ~
NOTES: X

-Amelia