Mother Mary

Red water runs

After yesterday's mornings... situation, I decided to spend the rest of the day in my room. Now when I said he'd raped me in the last chapter, I didn't mean like right then. No. It was later.

I just wanted to Clear that up...

Anyway, I decided that that day I was gonna go to school. Though I was not in the mood to go to school I did so anyway.

I got dressed and walked down stairs. Not bothering to take a shower. I wanted to get down there before my dad so I could avoid him.

It was so lonely without my sister and mom being here. We would all be eating breakfast together right now.

I got myself a bowl of cereal sat down in my usual spot and started eating. Suddenly, my dads words from yesterday rang in my head. "Better not eat to much of that stuff or you'll become fat." I looked down at my bowl it was about half eaten. I got up grabbed my bowl and threw the rest away. I knew it was a waste but I just... couldn't. And I didn't know what to do with it.

I grabbed my backpack not bothering to pack myself a lunch, and started walking. It took a lot longer without my bike, but I honestly wasn't in the mood for it right now.

I left pretty early so that meant I was there first. I went to the main office and asked for the key into the club room. They had looks of pity on there faces as they walked in.

Must've watched the news...

They gave me they key and I left them with a "thank you" as I walked out. I went too club room and opened the door, got changed and went to the main gym. I left the key in the unlocked club room so the others could get in.

Takada and ukai were already there. Dam. I kinda hoped I would be the first one so I didn't have to confront anyone.

"Hinata?" I heard ukais voice and stoped.
I just turned around and kept my head down saying something like, "Sorry for missing practice yesterday.I decided to come early to practice a little bit." To witch he replied, "it's ok" he replied. Clearly wanting to say more but keeping his mouth shut. I then walked off and onto the court.

I was serving balls for myself and then trying to spike them. Needless to say, I missed every time. I just couldn't foucus on volleyball. My mind was to focused on what happened, and... my dads words.

For a wile I just stood there thinking but I was soon jolted out of my thoughts with the sound of the door slamming and the rest of my team chattering about some nonsense that I could care less about.

"Hinata?" I heard one of them say. It was Tobio. My boyfriend. Soon everyone stared walking towards me. Tobio then pulled me into a hug witch the others soon after joined I just wrapped my arms around tobio and tried to get the others but my arms were to short.

Maybe they do care... I thought.

After a wile they let go. "Hinata we were so worried. Most of us saw the news. We are so sorry for you lose, but glad you weren't hit." I heard dichi say.

That last part made me think and I said something I never expected. "I wish it was me"

every one went quite until suga broke the silence. "Don't say that hinata." He said in a shocked voice. "But why not. They were amazing people who never deserved to die. If I could go back in time I would of told them to not do it. To not leave the house just that one day. It's my fault. I had a gut feeling something bad was gonna happen but I didn't tell anyone. It's my fault!"

I yelled as tears filled my eyes. "Hinata you couldn't have controlled i-" "can we just play volleyball..." I said cuting off suga.

Daichi walked behind suga and put a hand on his shoulder and then looked at me..."Yeah, lets do that."

We chose teams and spent the rest of practice doing matches. I couldn't foucus on the game because I was to busy with my thoughts. On What I said earlier. Was it really my fault.

Eventually ukai pulled me out of the match so they could finish the rest of the game smoothly. He said, "you don't seem to be in the best place to be playing volleyball right now. Why don't you think things Over and later today you might be able to play again." I just nodded and sat next to him and takada.

Practice was over and the school day started. I couldn't Foucus at all, but none of the teachers said anything. They were pitying me weren't they.

That pissed me off a little but, I tried not to let it get to my head, as I had more important things on my mind anyway.

At practice ,ukai let me join in again. I joined in with the rest of my teammates. My stomach yelled at me to eat food And I was gonna ask someone if I could have something from there left over lunch but then my fathers words rang through my ears, so I decided to not and just continue playing.

When practice was over we went back to the room and got back into my regular cloths.

I left without saying goodbye. And started walking home. It was a chilly night and I forgot my coat. It was about the middle of fall witch means it can get below freezing at night.

I got home and the same smell of vadka there was yesterday morning was back.

I was honestly scared of what would happen. He walked in and said "hey son your back." He slurred on his words. He was undoubtedly drunk.

"Hi dad" I answered in a scared tone. He put his arm around my neck. "How was your school day~"

I felt his hot breath go down my neck....

"It was ok although I couldn't really focus." I said. "Her I feel that. Say~ how about me and you have some fun~ father and son~" he slurred.

"Uh I think I'm ok, I think I need some more time to... think about... things before I can get back to normal fun stuff." I said.

"Aww com'on just you and me." He said. He didn't give me any chance to argue as he lead me to what used to be my parents bedroom before... the incident.

He threw me into the bed and began to remove his pants. I knew exactly what was happening. I kept telling myself to 'move, come on body move.' But I couldn't. I was paralyzed with fear.

He began to unbutton my pants and slid them off. He flipped my body over and began to push in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out.

It hurt... I felt completely violated....

by my own father.

He finally finished and I layed there. In that moment I wanted scream but when I tried I couldn't. He left the room me still alone inside. I tried to get up but my legs were wobbly. My knees were shaking. I felt disgusted with myself.

I pulled up my pants and slowly made my way to the bathroom. I took a cold shower and just sat there. I began to cry.

Gods testing my sanity. He's fucking with me. But why me. What did I do. Why did he take away two things I charished most.

I stoped the shower and got out. I sat on the bath mat and grabs dry towel. Something catches my eye.

It's silver shiny edge intregs me. I grab it and observe it.

I've seen stories on YouTube of people using stuff like this to hurt themselves. I was curious so I put it on my lower forearm and sliced.

I immediately felt the sting. I bit down on my lower lip. Though it was overwhelmingly painful I kinda relived some of the guilt and stress so...

I did it again.

When I would watch videos of people talking about there stories I would always feel pity, but I always told myself I would never do that. It's stupid and I had no reason to. But now I know why it was so edicting.

By the time. I was done my pain felt dialed down and I sat there watching the blood pour from my arm.

This is gonna be a problem.