We're Not Sleeping, We're Just Dreaming (Waterparks fanfic)

Fifteen - Awsten

The rows upon rows of chairs in the assembly hall gave my stomach and upside down and uneasy feeling as students filed in - laughing, gossiping, giggling - as the scrape of chair legs against the wooden floor filled the hall. My legs felt heavy as I sunk into a chair, Geoff to my left and Otto to my right, all of us sat in silence. I glanced around the room, teachers stood at the sides, watching, and motioning to those messing around to quit it. A very tired, worn Mr McKenna shuffled his way along the line and slid into a gap between two teachers - god, my heart bled for him. You could tell he'd been up all night, evidently worrying about Keon - the intense dark circles under his eyes aged his worn face as he took a slurp from his mug, in which, I presumed, was very strong coffee. Or maybe an energy drink. To hell, probably a mixture of the two. The light in his eyes that had been present yesterday was long gone.
The squeal of the microphone at the front of the hall signalled for people to finish their various conversations and listen up. Mr Barton cleared his throat, the sound echoing off every single flat surface as I stared at my knees for a moment. I knew what this was.
"I regret to make this assembly..." he began, but I didn't hear much of the rest. A dark feeling started to build in my stomach as I clenched my arms around myself. I wanted to be as small as possible, I wanted to sink away into nothing and cease to be in this room. I felt a hand on my knee - Otto. His silent way of telling me it's fine. The knotted feeling in my chest began to intensify - oh god, my panic attacks were coming back. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do...
"So I am appealing to anyone who may have information on the events yesterday to come forward to any member of staff as soon as possible."
I felt the panic steal my breath and I began to make this noise, fairly quiet at first, of a cat choking on a fur ball. Heads turned to look at me, as Barton continued in the background, my mind racing too fast to listen to him. Geoff leaned forward in his seat to better look at me but I couldn't take my focus away from the floor, my eyes refusing to stay still and the room beginning to turn in my head, a sickening feeling rising in the very base of my stomach. I can't stay here, I can't stay here....
I ran. I leapt out of my chair, tripping over Otto's legs as I ran for the doors at the back of the hall, struggling to catch my breath. All I could hear was the chatter of other students, their laughs and taunts, as the sound of my heartbeat thumping rapidly in my chest began to rise in my head, like a rhythmic drum, faster and faster and faster and faster and every stopping, never ending, never slowing, never ever ever-

*

I pulled my knees closer to my chest, curling into a ball in the corner of the corridor outside the hall, trying to control my breath and my whimpering, the stars streaming down my face and the lump in my throat burning as I gasped like a fish out of water. I felt like I was dying - was I dying? God, would I be like Keon? Lying there with tubes and monitors and not waking up, never waking up, trapped, unable to move or speak or hear or-
"Breathe, I'm here."
I shuddered as I looked across and saw two familiar pairs of shoes - Geoff. Otto. They'd come to rescue me. I sobbed harder, pulling at my hair as I rested my chin against my knees, too exhausted to keep my head held up. I felt an arm around me, comforting me as I shivered. I remembered how awful panic attacks were - I really thought I'd shaken them. Clearly not.
"You're safe, we won't let it hurt you."
I sighed, letting all of the air out of my body and holding it there. Fight it, Awsten, you have to fight it.
"You okay out here?"
Mr McKenna. The tired, worn, covered-in-paint Mr McKenna. I sighed and nodded slowly. "I'm fine." I rasped, struggling to form coherent sentences with my dry mouth and my frazzled running thoughts.
"Clearly not," he said, crouching down to address me at a height which wasn't so intimidating. "I'd be surprised if you didn't feel anything."
I paused, taking in a deep breath and slowly letting all of my body release it. My throat burned as I pushed against the floor to get up.
"Awsten, take it easy...."
I shook my head, taking in another deep death but letting it out quicker, and straightening myself up.
"I want to visit him. Properly."