isn't she beautiful?

18 - enjoy whatever this is

i opened my eyes, i was wrapped in his blankets that smelled like him. i didn't feel him next to me on the bed, when i looked over my shoulder he was sitting shirtless on the edge of the bed, he gave me a small smile when he saw i was awake.

i turned over on my side to face him, he looked like he had a lot of things on his mind. "are you thinking about jimin?" i asked. he didn't answer, all i got from him was a small smirk, "was that a weird thing to say?" i asked. "very." he smiled.

i sighed, "i thought you might be feeling-"

"guilty?" he asked.

"yeah," i said. "so...do you?"

"yeah," he said hesitantly. he looked back at me, he moved himself under the covers next to me, planting a kiss on my lips. "but i also feel good."

i smiled, "i never thought my first time would be someone who has a boyfriend." i giggled, but the smile on his face disappeared quickly. "oh, don't worry, i'm cool with the whole bisexual thing."

"n-no it's not that...t-that was your first time?" he asked nervously.

i furrowed my eyebrows, "yeah but, it's no big deal."

he chuckled, "you say that, but-"

"and i mean it," i laughed. "i'm not gonna get all clingy just because you took my precious flower."

"okay because we...we can't-"

"date? i know," i grabbed onto his hand, lacing his fingers with mine as we faced each other. "let's just, enjoy whatever this is while it lasts, okay?"

he nodded his head, "yeah, i'd like that."

i smiled and brought myself closer to him, shutting my eyes and enjoying this perfect moment with him before i got up. his lips pecked my forehead, his thumb caressed my skin. i felt safe and secure with him. and it was weird because i never had a moment like this with alec, had i been deprived?

i sighed lightly, opening my eyes again and looking at him, "time to get up." i smiled weakly. i unlaced our hands and i sat up from the bed, taking off his shirt and changing back into my clothes.

"i'm sorry." he said. "for what?"

"because, i can't give you any more than this," he sighed. "if i wasn't with jimin, then i would've-"

"don't finish that sentence," i said. "i broke girl code, i slept with my best friend's brother. and if you weren't with jimin, nothing would've happened after this, tati would be uncomfortable with us dating."

he sat there, defeated and unsure of what else to say. i walked over to him and smiled at him, cupping his face in my hands and kissing him. i kissed him passionately and slow, to make this moment memorable, i didn't know when i would ever kiss him again.

"i'll be downstairs." i said. i walked to his door, opening the door and peeking my head out to see if tati or namjoon were in sight. "hey," he said. i turned my head to look at him, "i had a really great time."

i smiled, "me too."

i walked out of his room and went down to the kitchen, tati and judy were already awake making breakfast and cleaning up the empty beer bottles from last night, "hey! where were you all night?" tati asked.

"um, i fell asleep in the guest room." i chuckled nervously. judy set a bowl of strawberries down on the table and faced me, "i'm sorry about last night. i was just being crazy and insecure."

i shook my head, "i'm sorry too, i never should've went in that closet with alec. and we never did it when we were together, in case you thought we did."

"but you drank. was it someone else?"

i sighed, "no. i guess i thought that if you thought we did it then i could feel like my relationship with him was more important than yours." i rolled my eyes.

she broke out into a smile, a small laugh escaping her lips, "don't laugh." i hit her lightly on the arm.

"no it's just, i was always worried about living up to you. but if you didn't, that's great. that means none of us are doing it."

"only you would find that exciting judy." tati laughed. "what do you mean? tati you didn't do it with taehyung?" i asked.

"no, turns out i had a second thought while things were getting hot and heavy," she sighed. "but taehyung was nice about it and he said he would wait until i was ready. but you know what, it's probably for the best anyway, sex just complicates things."

"only if you let it." seokjin's voice cut between our conversation. he came down in a white tank top, his arm reached over and grabbed a strawberry from the bowl, i looked at him, admiring how hot he looked right now.

he smiled at me, his eyes looked at my lips, but he pulled himself away before he could do anything in front of tati and judy, "so girls' night wasn't a total bust." judy sighed.

"yeah, how about post-pancake pedicures?" tati asked.

"does that sound good dani?" judy asked.

"yeah, totally." i smiled.

i couldn't help but think about every single moment from last night, i replayed it over and over in my head. i didn't even notice the smile that spread across my lips.

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[sorry for any grammatical errors]