UNDERCOVER - Jay Halstead (1)

36- Apologies

Jay

I walked into the bullpen and sat at my desk after greeting everyone, handing Upton the coffee I owed her over my desk. I sighed and went through the fils that were sitting on my desk. I was halfway through a file when Hailey coughed to get my attention. I raised my head to look at her with furrowed eyebrows.

"How's Amelia?" She asked, leaning forward so I could hear her whispering.

"Not sure. She's been staying with her mom lately." I responded, shrugging. It honestly bothered me that she hadn't talked to me since the trial but I tried to be as understanding as I could. After all, it must have been hell for her and I was aware of it. I was just her kind of boyfriend and it hit me hard.

"She hasn't called or anything?"

"Nope. Nothing, nada." I pursed my lips and finished my coffee as I looked at her. She sighed and shook her head.

"Why don't you go see her? She might just be scared to talk to you after everything that was revealed in court." Hailey reasoned, tilting her head to the side.

"I mean, I get that she might feel humiliated or something but she knows she can trust me. I've never done anything to make her feel like she shouldn't. I just- I very much dislike being ignored like this." It was true. It was exactly what Erin had done to me and I hated it. I had been nothing but nice and supportive to her and she just bailed and ignored me instead of trusting and confiding in me. I didn't want to be with someone who would do the same.

"She's not Erin, Jay. She's been through a lot and she's working hard to be the best version of herself. Don't give up on her." Hailey practically pleaded and I only sighed. I turned back to my files and tried to read through them but I found it impossible to concentrate. Hailey's words just kept popping in my mind. I let out a sigh of frustration before getting up and grabbing my coat.

"Let's go for a ride." I told Hailey, who smiled and followed me after notifying Voight. We both got into the car and I drove us to the address I had in mind. I parked in front of the house and nervously tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, unsure of what to do at this point.

"Just go see her. You'll know what to say." Upton encouraged me as she pushed my shoulder so I'd get out of the car. I nodded before unbuckling my belt and getting out of the car. I walked to the front door and knocked a few times.

A middle aged woman opened the door with a smile on her face that faded once she saw my badge that I was wearing like a necklace today.

"Oh, no. What happened?" She asked like she was used to getting bad news from cops.

"Hi Ms Davis, I'm Jay Halstead." I offered her my hand as I took away my badge and put it in my pocket.

"Oh! Jay! So nice to formally meet you!" She went in for a hug instead and I chuckled at her enthusiasm. We had briefly met at the courthouse but didn't really introduce each other. "I'm May Davis, come in! I'll call Amelia."

I walked in behind her and closed the door as she shouted Amelia's name so she'd come downstairs. "Please excuse my daughter, she always had trouble with trusting people but now it's worse than ever. She doesn't mean to push you away." She told me, tears filling her eyes and I could tell it really hurt her to see her daughter that way.

I didn't know what to say except show her a small smile and a nod. A few seconds later Amelia stopped at the end of the stairs, looking at me. Her mom announced that she'd be in the kitchen and left through the hallway. Amelia slowly walked down the last few stairs and stood in front of me, arms crossed against her chest.

"Hey," I begun and watched her as she glanced at the floor before glancing back at me. Amelia looked at me from head to toe and stopped when she saw my badge.

"Are you on duty?" She asked softly and I nodded at her. "You shouldn't have come, don't waste your time on me."

"This is definitely not wasting my time." She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and before she could do or say anything I wrapped my arms around her after I stepped towards her. I held her close to me and whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry it took me so long to come. I don't do too well with rejection."

"That's fine. I'm sorry for completely going off the grid and ignoring you." She mumbled, tightening her grip around my waist.

"You're alright. Can we meet up at my place tonight for diner?" I pulled away and held her face in my hands. She nodded as she looked up at me, "Good. You still got my key?"

"Yeah, I do. Do you want me to start up cooking diner before you get there?" She asked softly, her pretty eyes looking up at mine.

"If you wanna." I told her, kissing her forehead softly before letting go of her. "I'll text you if something happens but I should be off by 7."

"Okay, see you later. Thank you for coming by, Jay." She kissed me quickly before I left her mom's house after telling her goodbye. I walked back to the car and smiled at Upton.

"You're lucky you got me." Was all she said and I nodded, chuckling. I started the car back up again and drove away from the house with a smile on my face.

"Yeah I am." She chuckled and punched my shoulder, "What are you gonna do about it all?"

"Depends which thing you're talking about." I sighed, "I knew about the rapes, if that's what you wanna know."

"No that wasn't what I was talking about. It's none of my business so you don't have to explain anything, but do you know what you're going to do about her not being able to have a baby?" She asked, not wanting to pry in but still being curious.

"M'not sure. I mean, I don't really want kids but either way we're not there at all so I don't feel like it's fair for me to confront her about it." I told her, unsure of what I was going to do next.

"You don't want kids?" She asked me, sounding quite surprised by my revelation.

"No, is it really that surprising with the job we have and the job I had in the army?" I asked her, chuckling. I didn't feel like it was surprising at all. Our job is dangerous and I can't imagine something happening to my kids like it happened to Antonio in the past. I'd never be able to live with myself.

"I guess not. Just always pictured you as the guy who'd want kids, I don't know." She shrugged it off, chuckling.

I didn't answer her, instead I just sat there thinking for the rest of the ride. What was I going to say to Amelia about it? Would me not wanting children be a problem?

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Is it gonna be a problem??????

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(Also stay safe pls)