UNDERCOVER - Jay Halstead (1)

16- Memories

Amelia

I was sitting in the waiting room, Jay's team around me. They all seemed uncomfortable around me ever since I had told Voight my name, like they didn't believe me. Which I understood completely, how can a detective get stuck in a gang as a prostitute for six months? But the things was that we weren't here for me. We were here for Jay. I didn't want it to be about me.

Ruzek was sitting next to me and he leaned to the side slightly and whispered, "Does Jay know?" I shook my head, no one knew who I was. Charles had a suspicion after I had gone into his office, but once again, how can a detective get stuck there for so long? He nodded at my answer, not adding anything else.

Dr. Manning and Dr. Halstead walked into the room, "What the fuck happened? Why'd you let him get shot? Weren't you supposed to back him up?" Halstead exclaimed at Voight, extremely mad. Why's he getting so mad? Are they close?

"Jay's brother." Ruzek informed me, probably figuring out that I was confused. I nodded, connecting the dots. He was the doctor Jay came looking for when I was hurt, him being his brother explained why Halstead helped us so much. "Nat's his wife." I nodded, understanding why they had been so amazing with me.

As soon as Natalie's eyes fell on me she approached me, "Hi! How are you doing?" She asked gently and I nodded, telling her I was better. Halstead smiled at me quickly before introducing himself.

"Will Halstead, Jay's brother." I got up and shook his hand.

"Amelia Davis," I introduced myself and it felt odd saying my real name. I hadn't used it in 6 months. It didn't even feel like me.

He then turned to Voight who explained what happened, "Charles had planned to kill Jay. He brought them, "He pointed to me, "To underground tunnels before the time of the meet and shot him there. Amelia called us and that's how we knew it was taking place earlier."

"So you saved him?" Will looked at me and I shook my head.

"If I had saved him he wouldn't have lost so much blood." I bluntly said, partially mad at myself because if I had stayed with him I could've stopped the bleeding and prevent him from loosing so much blood.

No one answered, we just waited for the surgeon to give us some news. They had gotten all of Charles' men into custody, all of them just waiting to get put in prison. I didn't know if I had to testify or if I had to call my co-workers to tell them I was out. I didn't know at all what was going to happen next and frankly, I couldn't bring myself to care right now.

All I wanted was for Jay to pull through. The guy that had done everything to save me and to help me this past month. He had given me hope and courage to make it through this month and never would I ever be able to repay him. I owed him quite literally my life. Despite all of the horrible things I had gone through, he had brought some light in my darkness, showing me that the exit was not so far if I had faith in it. His gentleness and trust had helped me get so far and I was forever thankful to him for that.

I sat with my head between my hands, leaning forward on my chair. It had been hours since Jay had gone into surgery and Will and I were the only ones who stayed the whole time. Jay's team made in and outs and so did Natalie. I nervously tapped my foot down on the floor but I was stopped by Atwater's hand on my knee. I jumped slightly, but regained composure quickly.

"Is there someone you should call?" He asked, probably thinking about my old team or friends or even family.

"Yeah," I answered yet I didn't make any effort to actually try and call anyone. I wanted to focus on Jay, not on me.

"Do you need a phone?" He tried again, gently. I sighed, shaking my head. I wouldn't even know where to begin or who to even call. I didn't have any outside contacts for half a year. What would I tell my mom? The only person I had contact with was a co-worker...

"Actually, yes. Can I borrow yours?" I asked, the last conversation I had with him ringing in my head.

I walked into room B20, watching as a man I knew very well was looking at me.

"Hi, Ava. How are you?" He said, I shut the door quickly and hurried to step in front of him.

"How fucking dare you? It's been a month!" I practically shouted in his face.

"Listen, I-"

"I don't want to hear it! You all fucking forgot about me! You just dumped me here and stopped caring! Fuck you! Fuck you!" I exclaimed, pushing my finger on his chest angrily feeling the tears falling from my eyes. "You left me here to die!"

"Okay, no. Stop it right there, we did not leave you here to die." He contradicted me.

"No? Then why the fuck am I still here? Why the fuck am I still stuck in that fucking house doing things you wouldn't even imagine?" I was full on crying, the emotion getting the best of me. I resented him-them for what they had done without even realizing.

"You know it's more complicated than that. This is more than just you." He tried to rationalize the situation which only made me even angrier than I was.

"More than just me? Well it sure as hell looks like I'm the only one fucking stuck down here! Aren't I?" I exclaimed, fuming. "How dare you come after a month and ask me how I am? How the hell do you think I am? I'm stuck here with rapists, drugs dealers and everything you could think off! And I do not get a free pass on the bad treatment!"

"We know, okay? We are trying to figure it out but we're missing something and we don't know what." He explained further.

"You know what you're missing? A fucking brain is what you're missing. You should have known better Andrew! You should have known better than to send me down here with no fucking ba-"

I meant backup, they had sent me there with no backup. Damn dumbasses. Atwater handed me his phone and I thanked him, calling a number I knew all too well.

"Mom?" I asked as the line was picked up.

"Amelia?" She exclaimed, choking on my name. The name she probably hadn't said in so long.

"Hi, mom. I'm at the hospital right now, but I'm okay." I informed her quickly before she got worried. "You can meet me there and I can come by later, if you want."

"Are you- are you out of your undercover mission?" She asked, stunned.

"I am. After 6 months." I chuckled, a little emotional over talking with my mom after so long.

"I'd like it if you came by later, I'll cook something up for you. I'm so happy you're okay baby." She cried into the phone, I knew she wouldn't want to come to the hospital and I understood.

"Alright mom, I'll see you soon." I hung up and couldn't help but keep thinking that Jay should've been out long ago. I turned to Atwater as I gave him his phone back and thanked him. "Do you think Jay's gonna be alright?"

"I hope. Heard the bullet grazed his heart, might be a harder repair. Plus the recovery's gonna be hell for his leg, but I think he'll be fine. He has to be." He told me, which slightly freaked me out. The bullet grazed his heart? He has to be fine.

It was all my fault. He took the bullet for me. I'm the one to blame was all I could think about as I looked around the room and saw everyone who cared about him, praying for him to pull through. It was my fault.

"I- eh, I have to go." I told no one in particular, getting up from my chair and leaving the hospital. I was breathing heavily and panic flooded through my chest as I waited for a taxi and went to my mother's house. The past 6 months falling down on me all at once.

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DONT HATE ME FOR WHATS GONNA HAPPEN TO JAY

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